1. As some of you know, I was raised in the Illuminati and my body and soul were pledged to Satan at a tender age.  But I’m not Haitian or anything.  LULZ

2. I deplore humor based on bodily functions, and I’ve never “gotten” Adam Sandler or almost anyone else who came out of Saturday Night Live. Give me understated, sardonic British humor any day of the week.

It does my black heart proud to bring you the latest edition of  Conspiracy Corner.  Here we shine the light of righteousness on those dark corners of the human psyche that are best left unexplored, but from which you are powerless to look away.  It’s not unlike the proverbial car wreck, except here more people die – but never for the reasons they want you to think.  Today we’ll discuss secret organizations, mind control programs, and some not-so-natural natural disasters.