Wordsmoker

1. Needles – which sucks balls, as I have to get blood drawn regularly. They put me in the easy chair and use a butterfly needle, but it still makes me ill. I once avoided getting stuck for three years, but then […]

@ Chillbear Latrigue on’t forget a big “fuck you” to the Boy Scouts of America, for, oh, so many things, including, but not limited to, their protection of molesters.

@ DieterTheMasseur: We were told not to worry, that the fish were so plentiful, humans were too far down the food chain to bother with. I would have made a delicious meal, as I was a bit heavier then, but I suppose I’m glad they didn’t think I smelled like fish. That would have been embarrassing [...]

While snorkeling in the Galapagos, many sharks swam right beneath me and never even glanced my way. Obviously, I am an undesirable, or I smelled funny. I think my feelings are hurt.

And those people just might be the very knuckle-dragging Jane-six-packs you were making fun of to begin with: so are you saying that anyone who watches the Oprah show is a knuckle-dragging jane-six-pack? because i am an intelligent, well-educated woman who has watched the show for years and no one i know would describe me in [...]

@ misslinda:
T. Bradley, to be exact. Very large penis. A blonde, which I’ve never been attracted to, Daniel Craig notwithstanding, but his his aforementioned penis made up for that.
I also dated a Hank for a couple of years, and a Greg. But nothing tops Braaaad.

Mine was a Brad (shut up) and his destruction went on and off for two years. It took me a year to recover after I finally got the balls to tell him to stay away for good. I haven’t seen him since then, and that was 17 years ago, but everywhere I go, every time [...]

Thank you, Gilbert. I would have used duck l’orange, but it sounded too frenchy.

@ DieterTheMasseur:
TWINSIES!

@ misslinda:
No, some are actually pretty nice guys who just happen to be hawt. Of course, the bachelorette usually keeps a skeeve or two around, but some of those guys I would totally date. If I were single. Or hot. Or young again. Shit, I would do them anyway, who am I kidding.

And that is why I watch The Bachelorette. Twenty-five hot guys without shirts cavorting in hot tubs and pools and on beaches…

@ Chillbear Latrigue:
Monkey pictures are always in. I have some antique lithographs of monkeys in my living room, which should tell you that they are in good taste.

Here is my refutation to your no-dancing rule: James Bond. Dude could handle any weapon, romance any chick with his moves, never manscaped (which should be a question on this quiz, because gross – waxed chests), could drink a martini while wearing a fabulous tuxedo, and perform whatever defense moves necessary. Plus, he drove the [...]

@ DieterTheMasseur: I keep telling all you people that fruit is cheaper and disposable! Does anyone listen?

@ Chillbear Latrigue:
As long as that tuna winds up on my plate, medium rare and grilled, I don’t care who dresses up like them. I had one last night that was mighty tasty – wrangled, no doubt, by a daredevil in finwear.

I am simply appalled at the lack of punctuation used in those sentences up there. That alone is enough to make me behave. What if I went to rob someone with loaded carp and all I got was a poorly worded and punctuated sentence as my entry into fame?

What a beautiful wedding! Mine was in a church (I’m athiest), where I didn’t want it to be, but relented anyway, as I was the oldest grandchild and the first to marry without a shotgun standing guard. I wanted the beach – not to be so. My aunt got married when she was nine months [...]

I’ve been to many a pig roast, even watched on getting gutted, and nothing traumatized me like the ending of this story!

But damn, pigs is tasty.

Well, Boehner must spend a lot of time in Florida, then.

@ Chillbear Latrigue:
Just think of the women who will flock to you, the world’s only straight decorator!! You’re welcome.

p.s. I have no idea what all those things you mentioned mean, so I hope they weren’t too insulting, like “shinai” actually means “giant waving orange penis,” or anything.