Hey, remember that fucking idiot Sarah Palin? You know – the one who would probably be President now, because old Crashy McPlane would have died six months into office after a heavy book landed on his bombing-boner head, only she’s not, because slightly more of you voted for the disappointing-but-well-spoken Kenyan man with the hot wife? Yes – her. Well, never let anyone tell you that being idiotic doesn’t pay off, because this particular idiot just got herself a show on the teevee!

I’m annoyed. There are a lot of people out there in the world who have what could kindly be described as a tenuous grasp on the rudiments of political and economic philosophy. Like the dude to the left.

And, you know, his ilk.

Like everyone, we all remember what we were doing when we saw those horrific images on that haunting, terrible day. Yes – I’m talking about 11/24 – a date that will live long in our collective memory. When we all looked on – aghast – at the shocking footage on Fox News, as former White House spokesrobot Dana Perino claimed that ‘We Did Not Have a Terrorist Attack on Our Country During President Bush’s Term’. Yes – NEVA FORGET. Unless it harms your argument on the Wingnut Airwaves.

Barbara Walters is so brave.  She went to Alaska and interviewed the Palins and somehow didn’t get pregnant, shot anything or get raped.  At least not on camera.  Barbara Walters promises to ask the hard questions and get the answers.  Here is the reader digest version for those of you who didn’t stay up to watch this.  I am still not sure who would win in a staring contest between them though.

Hey you – America – you’re being raped! Your car is being raped! Your dog – Mr Peters – he’s being raped in the back yard as I type this. Your DVD collection – already raped, raped by Obama himself, with his big black rapey cock in standard definition. Your Tivo? Raped! Your paycheck? Raped, raped right in the decimal point, where rape really hurts. Your job? Raped – raped once during it’s coffee break, and twice during lunch, right outside your place of work in front of a big, cheering liberal rape party.

Yes, Lou “Dobbs”, CNN’s Chief Xenophobe, nascent prick and fact-dodger is leaving his comfortable gig at the news network for pastures less-inhabited by Mexi-fear and Latino-terror. I’ve always seen this tired and sloppy reactionary idiot as a permanent stain on CNN’s relative good character. Which isn’t saying much, I know, but this is me trying to be kind to a rather befuddled old man. At time of writing he’s not mentioned where he’s actually going – “to fuck, for good” sounds like a good location to me, but cryptic comments suggest otherwise.

Am I finally, officially old?

I seem to have transcended the jangly heart-pounding hatred I was feeling for the Right and obtained a floppy weary old-socks-sagging-around-the-ankles kind of profound lethargy in response to their non-stop shenanigans seemingly aimed at encouraging Obama’s assassination.

I just posted the rant below at that other site in response to the news that mass killer Nidah Hasan was yelling “Allahu Akbar” (God is great) while shooting up the Fort Hood army base yesterday. It strikes me that we’re at a really strange place in our history if we need to go looking for reasons to be divided over a tragedy like this. Apparently, the right is feeling triumphal or something. I don’t get it.

So Rush Limbaugh wanted to buy The St. Louis Rams. His famous comment about sportswriters puffing up Donovan McNabb because he was a “black” quarterback derailed his rise from waterboy to sports empire builder; but as the first professional barker who shouts to the man on the ledge to “JUMP!” he has put enough filthy lucre in his pocket to buy the Rams.

It was five years ago today,
Bill O’Reilly taught his lawyer to pray
Falafels are goin’ in and out of style
But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile.
So may I introduce to you
The ass you’ve known for all these years,
Sgt. O’Reilly’s Lovely Lawsuit Band.

*brass band plays metallic loofahs in a shower*

Do you read Redstate? No, I don’t mean in a sorta ironic, hipster way. I mean “read it”, while nodding and spitting your Skoal juices into a cup sitting on the floor in your trailer. Well, if you’re reading this, you probably don’t. And if you do, keep quiet about it. I’m in a mood today, as I had to go outside and mingle with the rest of humanity, a relatively short journey that if I had to tell you about in any detail would contain the words “methadone” and “dog attack”. Where was I?

Famous idiot and right-wing marionette Joe The Plumber decided to try his hand out at stand-up. Let’s face it, he’s been making me smile for years now, so why not use this GOD GIVEN TALENT FOR STUPIDITY and branch out into the relatively untested shark-infested waters of IMPROV. Joe’s previous improv experience is mostly limited to him making his own name up, being a pretend journalist for the wing-nuts, and being a cunt.

What usually happens when you put a group of carnivorous freaks in the same room results in a sort of “mini-Nationalism,” or as we like to call it— filthy fascism. There is no place for it in our country, and yet still we allow it. It’s a bit like the town hall mess that was forced upon us last month, but this time— it’s on the radio. What happens when Michele Bachmann and Janet Porter go on the radio together? Well, as Right Wing Watch shows us all— it’s a nightmare.

The amount of information that passes through the head of any everyday American is overwhelming. Some may call it “wrong.” We are, after all, simple beings. Our satisfactions lay in keeping a steady schedule, maintaining a balanced diet (sometimes), making a decent dollar and pumping out a few children that will be forced to consume even greater amounts of information, which will lead this society straight into a psychological schizophrenia that God Himself will fail to mitigate.

There is really no point of trying anymore, believers of Evolution. Not even Hollywood, with its awful mouth-breathing liberals, can possibly explain why a film called Creation will not receive a distributor of any sort in the United States. Our plan is different, you see. We can masquerade Jesus on a stick in a production that would shatter records worldwide, but we will not accept ANY film that backs what many living, breathing organisms of the world take as our origin. That whole ORIGIN OF THE SPECIES thing. What a JOKE that theory is.