2. My first name is Donal. Don’t even try to put a “d” on the end of it, I will slap you. Also, it’s not pronounced “Darnell”. I’m not black.

3. I’m circumsized, but not completely. I refer to this as “loose cut” or “relaxed fit”. However, when I’m nervous or anywhere near cold water it totally looks like an innie.

4. My father was a raging alcoholic up until the time I entered fifth grade. Unfortunately, after the alcohol was gone, the rage remained.

5. My father hit me so hard one time that I literally saw stars. As I fell, I thought, “So THAT’S why they always show those stars in the cartoons!”

6. I had the WORST acne as a teenager, which caused me indescribable grief. It didn’t clear up until I was well into my thirties. Around the same time that I started losing my hair.

7. I once wrote a poem entitled, “What’s Wrong With Me?” Sample lines included: What’s wrong with me?/ I’m not dirty, and I don’t smell/ but nobody likes me, and I can tell/ you don’t either./ What’s wrong with me?

8. This one time, at drama camp, I had an exorcism performed on me. I think the story deserves an entire post of its own, so I will save the gory details.

9. I attended Oral Roberts University for one year, where I lost my virginity. In the dorm. To a hunky gymnast. Now he’s one of my Facebook friends. Happy perusing!

10. My first serious relationship was with a man exactly twice my age. After making out with him, I always looked like I had eaten a melted Hershey bar. I finally discovered that he used eyeliner to pencil over his gray moustache hair. He also wore foundation for nightclubbing. It was not my last brush with man makeup, as we will discover.

11. As a young gay, I admired jaded old queens for their quick wit and snappy one-liners. Not that I would ever sleep with any of those ghastly creatures, mind you. My efforts to emulate them were met with mixed reviews, some finding me funny and some not. One person even told me that I had a mouth like a refrigerator – “Always something cold coming out of it.”

12. I spent most of my adult life working in customer service call centers, beginning at age 19 with the third-largest credit card issuer in the nation. I won’t name it here but it rhymes with “American Distress.” I was there for thirteen long years, cultivating a deep hatred for all things corporate. And people.

13. I always wanted to be an actor. That is, until I landed the lead in a gay community theater production of “Steambath”. One critic called my performance “so bland that it rubs off on the rest of the cast.” I would not step onto a stage again. In men’s clothing.

14. In 1999, I moved from Phoenix to Las Vegas and ended up meeting my soul-mate, Drew. He was a hot mess: impulsive, erratic, irresponsible and SO much fun. And he loved me unconditionally. I wish I had spent more time appreciating him and less trying to change him.

15. My first drag name was Anita Lectrolysis. It was also my first commenter name on Gawker. After being banned, I came back as Rhea Pollstry which I like better now anyway. So screw you, Richard.

16. The first song I ever performed in drag was “Breathe” by Faith Hill. As I performed, I wandered through the audience taking air fresheners out of my handbag and placing them strategically around the room. For my big finish, I donned a gas mask and grabbed a can of Glade in each hand, unleashing a giant mushroom cloud of freshness. The lesbian couple at the table in front was not amused.

17. Drew and I did drag for charity. We were involved with an organization called the Imperial Royal Sovereign Court of the Desert Empire. All of the funds raised were distributed locally. If I ever start performing again, however, you can bet your ass that those dollars are going straight into my pocketbook. Fuck that shit.

18. I don’t do glamour, I’m strictly camp. What’s the point to trying to be glamorous when you’re doing a song like “Make My Boobies One More Size”? I only shave my face for Alanis or Amy Lee. Respect.

19. Drew accidentally overdosed on hydrocodone in October of 2006. After he died, I started to hate Las Vegas. Drew worked for Cirque de Soleil and he was responsible for so much of my Vegas experience. It just wasn’t the same anymore.

20. In October of 2007, I moved to a small town in western Colorado and opened a tanning salon. I planned for it to be my escape from city life and corporate America. Since then, my house has been foreclosed, my car was repossessed and my credit cards have all gone into collection. I’m 44 years old, I’ve lost everything and I live with my parents. Circle of Fucking Life, indeed.

2. I am an Air Force brat. I was raised all over the States but spent most of my childhood in the UK, where my father was Base Commander. He sexually abused me.

3. I am the only child of two only children. My father is dead; my mother is on her fourth marriage.

4. I have been married for 17 years and counting.

5. I left home at 14.

6. My preferred pets are cats and gerbils. In my 20’s I owned a lot of snakes.

7. Previous jobs included waitressing, working in the rat-room of a herpetarium, bartending and selling knives door-to-door.

8. I now teach at a University. I teach on campus for one semester and during the summer take students to work on a dig in one of those “but aren’t they all Muslim?” countries.

9. I will eat anything if it is wrapped in a corn tortilla. That is not a metaphor

10. I will only drive standard. Anything else is not driving.

11. I claim Texas as my identity: I speak Texan, I wear cowboy boots (I wear ‘em well) and I can ride.

12. I spell like a Brit. When I published my first book I was given the choice by my British publisher of Yank or Brit; I chose Brit.

13. My son was born via emergency C-section eight days before I defended my doctoral dissertation.

14. I know 8 languages other than English: five of them are dead languages. Two I know only in their classical form so when I travel in the countries where the modern version is spoken I sound like a Victorian and people fall about laughing.

15. I am a Yellow-Dog Democrat.

16. I live in one state and work in another, commuting every other week. The commute takes two flights and approximately 7 hours door-to-door.

17. I read police procedurals, love movies with lots of sex and violence and watch only cable shows, with the exception of Justified (see #18).

18. Deadwood was the 2nd greatest series ever on TV.  The Sopranos was the best overall, but in terms of bang for the buck I’ll take Deadwood. I own the complete 3 season DVD set and have watched it a ridiculous number of times.

19. I have been described as ‘prickly” but I prefer to think of myself as bullshit-intolerant.

20. I once stood on the roof of Hagia Sophia.

2. I am 27 years old, act like I should be 40, but look like I’m 12. I still get carded for R rated  movies.  Each time it happens, a little part of me dies inside. Oh, sure, getting carded every time is all great and ego-boosting, but when a store employee accuses you of carrying and flashing a “tampered” ID (when it’s really Oregon’s crappy ID lamination) and you just want to get the fuck out of there with your $8 bottle of wine, and the person is fully aware that you work at the corporate office and you could cut him with your employee discount card, it’s not so great.

3. I was a Theatre major, Geology minor, and I work as an Assistant Buyer in Home Decor at the corporate office of a Northwest chain of stores. It kicks ass.  Sometimes it sucks.  But most of the time the perks outweigh the suckiness that is the business world. Every once in a while, I go a little insane with the thought that I could very well have the 8-5, M-F schedule for the rest of my life, but then I remember how much I hated retail’s up and down scheduling. I think I just hate working.  But so do most people.

4. I’ve been married to a wonderful and tolerant man for five years. He is my best friend. I know, barf. We got married on May 13 just so our one-year anniversary would be on Friday the 13th. We like to tempt stupid superstitions like that. Marshmueller is not my real last name, but the last name we should have had by combining our last names, and we discovered the awesomeness of it after we were married. Too bad changing your name costs more money than what I’m willing to pay.

5. I’m not superstitious, but put me in a theatre, and I WILL refuse to say “Macbeth” or “good luck.” I have weird rituals (like drinking a Red Bull prior to each performance), but only with acting/performing. I haven’t acted in a while mostly due to graduating college and buying a home, but mostly due to the fact that I got fat. I know, a size 6 isn’t technically “fat,” but when you’re 5′2″ and all of your current clothes are sizes 2-4, it makes you FAT. Besides, the Wii Fit told me I was overweight, and the Wii Fit DOES NOT LIE. So I need to lose some poundage before I go submitting headshots again. Plus I’d like to NOT be a 32D anymore. Finding button-up dress shirts is a bitch.

6. I was born in the Northwest and will probably die in the Northwest. I’m perfectly fine with this.

7. My favorite movies are “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” “Wall-E,” “Idiocracy,” and Monty Python’s “And Now For Something Completely Different.” I’m not a huge fan of chick-flicks, but plop me down in front of one and chances are I will get roped into it and enjoy it. I still hate most chick flicks for the underlying message that a woman cannot function without a man. I could function just fine, but I would rather not. Who would reach all the items on the top shelf for me?!

8. We have the cheapo $10 cable, which consists of network channels, and Discovery. I thought I would get a lot more done at home without cable, and then we discovered Netflix (again), and hulu…and all the other channels we can access online. I tend to be a TV show junkie. Current favorites: LOST, 30 Rock, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Simpsons (yes, it is still funny), The Office, Parks and Recreation, Community, Heroes, Flight of the Conchords, and a multitude of others that make me feel like I watch far too much TV and should weigh 400 pounds.

9. I don’t typically cook, but I can. I bake, and I bake very well. My recent batch of Anti-Valentines Sugar Cookies had my co-workers in sugar-induced zombie comas.  They were begging for more, despite the abundance of Girl Scout cookies around.

10. I’m a vodka girl, but I’ll also drink beer, wine, whatever. I think I take for granted the amount of microbreweries in the NW. It’s awesome and dangerous. Current new favorite is Widmer Drifter Pale Ale. I’m a total lightweight, so I’m a cheap date!

11. We have a cat, and two dogs. The cat is a Ragdoll (she looks like a long-haired Siamese), and she don’t take no shit from no dogs! The two dogs are both Pomeranians, and they like to wrestle with the cat. No, they are NOT transported in anything that resembles a handbag. They are dogs, and they know it. They aren’t yippy because we trained them that way. Yes, it’s possible.

12. I like to claim I have fashion sense. I do. I cannot afford to LOOK like I have fashion sense. I feel like I look a bit frumpy, like Liz Lemon on 30 Rock. Only she has more expensive frumpy cardigans than me. I have too many shoes, bags, and jackets. We have tiny closets at home, so war break out on a regular basis.

13. I sing very well. I tend to get nervous and go off-key when singing in front of small amounts of people. Large groups, no problem. I was in a Rock Band competition at work, and we won Second (out of 16 bands). We only lost by 40,000 points (both bands were in the millions in points at the end). I know this labels me as a huge nerd, and I embrace the nerdy label. I think it’s annoying when people sing along to a song unless you’re in a car or cleaning house. Then it’s okay.

14. My family is certifiably insane, but so is my husband’s, which is why we all get along. My husband and I cannot guilt trip one another–his family is Catholic and my family should have been, with the way they can guilt trip.

15. I like the color pink. I mean, REALLY like it. My cubicle looks like a Pink Snuffalupagus barfed all over it. It’s awesome. My coworkers think everything in my house is pink. It’s not; I wouldn’t torture my husband with that. Nor do I have a gazillion pillows on the bed.

16. I’ve been accused of being the type of girl who hangs out with the guys instead of the girl cliques. This happened in college. I know many girls say they have many guy friends. I don’t have many close guy friends anymore; I’m married. I had a lot of guy friends in college, and they are mutual friends of my husband’s. We had a lot of fun together- occasionally we’ll get together for beer or a strip club for someone’s birthday. Some girls say they get along with guys better than girls. That’s because girls are bitches to one another. Guys can be a dick to one another and it’s okay. Girl being a bitch to another girl? She will write her off entirely.

17. I find myself relating to John Muir and the spirituality of nature more and more. In the winter, I long to be in my hiking boots with SLR camera in hand out in the boonies. We are going to Glacier National Park this year, and I’m more excited about it than if we were going to Disneyland.

18. I’m not a religious person. In fact, I am not a fan of organized religion in any way. But I won’t stand in anyone’s way. People should be able to believe and worship in the way they want. Just don’t expect me to play along. I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness, and am thankfully not one anymore, but the lack of celebrating any holidays most of my life has made me act like a five-year-old during holidays. Now you’ll know why I expect the Princess Treatment on my birthday. It’s to make up for years of loss during my childhood. That’s kind of like Michael Jackson. Only less creepy. And with no pedophilia.

Too soon?

19. I love photography. I’m not very good, but I think I’m good. Most people who take photos are like that.

20. I am a nerd for proper punctuation and spelling. I like grammar when it’s properly used, but I get my tenses mixed up all the time.  Since I’m not perfect with it, either, I don’t judge too much on the grammar (unless the writing resembles a text message, complete with inane abbreviations, and then it just boils my blood).  I overuse parentheses and love semicolons. But only when they are used properly.

2. I deplore humor based on bodily functions, and I’ve never “gotten” Adam Sandler or almost anyone else who came out of Saturday Night Live. Give me understated, sardonic British humor any day of the week.

3. It’s common Illuminati practice to brutally traumatize children until all their psychic defenses break down and multiple personalities emerge. The Illuminati can then make them do pretty much anything – drug trafficking, prostitution, murder – and the child often won’t remember a thing afterwards. Now I always have an excuse whenever I forget my mom’s birthday. LOL!

4. Striving to bring about One World Government is every bit as taxing as you’d imagine. There’s vicious political in-fighting, pervasive fear, and death lurking behind every door. But mostly it’s the paperwork that gets to you after awhile.

5. I despise Skittles, and whoever came up with black licorice should just be murdered along with all their friends and every member of their family. J/K!

6. I’ve blackmailed international bankers to trash economies and Nobel-winning scientists to spread the AIDS virus without so much as batting an eye. But I blush easily and get all tongue-tied on first dates.

7. The Illuminati cuts out the hearts of children in ritualistic sacrifices 8 times a year. Sometimes the leaders would go off to orgies at the White House and leave me and my friends in charge. We’d usually just let the kids go with a warning if they promised to obey Satan.

8. Everyone on my dad’s side of the family says that my hair and skin coloring reminds them of my mom, and everyone on my mom’s side of the family says that my hair and skin coloring reminds them of my dad. Weird, huh?

9. When I was very young I was given to Henry Kissinger as his personal sex slave. He liked it rough, but he gave the best piggyback rides.

10. I was present when a high-ranking FBI official who had defied the Illuminati was executed. I totally swiped his iPod afterwards, but I had to download all new tunes because he only listened to Nirvana. That shit just depresses me.

11. I’ve assassinated people on 4 continents, but I still get all clammy when I have to speak in front of a group. They say you should imagine your audience naked. I imagine them naked with their throats cut. Works like a charm!

12. I hate the smugness of Seinfeld fans. So it was about “nothing” – so freaking what? Tell me what great problems of civilization were solved in a typical episode of The Honeymooners or I Love Lucy. Get over yourselves.

13. Some victims of mind control and satanic cults such as the Illuminati experience “recovered” memories of the ritualistic torture and sex abuse they endured years before. Most claims of recovered memory have been debunked, but with therapy I was able to remember where I left the copy of Finnegan’s Wake that I’d had out from the library for more than 10 years.

14. I was the star pitcher on the Illuminati softball team for 3 seasons. I set records for strikeouts and ERA that no one’s come close to breaking. But I’m not allowed to put it on my resume.

15. In high school I had this creepola bio teacher who I hated with a passion. He thought I didn’t notice him checking out my boobs all the time. After Mr. Happydrawers gave me a “C” – despite the blowjob, hello! – I arranged to have him put on a death list. I so wanted to do the job myself, but I had cramps so they sent another girl. Wouldn’t you know it, there were 2 bio teachers in our school and she iced the wrong one. Oopsie!

16. I was an expert at using drugs and torture to program unwilling subjects to do Satan’s work, but he never so much as said “Hi” to me in the hallways. Don’t quote me, but his e-mails are nearly incomprehensible.

17. I was Janet Reno’s sex slave when I was a teenager, but it was mostly for show. She really isn’t gay; she just liked to arm wrestle for hours on end. I’d eventually let her win just so I could get back to my book.

18. It’s true what they say: the Illuminati really is behind the sexual revolution, the homosexual agenda, and abortion. So we got to hook up with pretty much whomever we wanted, whenever we wanted. I kissed girls all the time. LOL! But I still had a curfew until I was 18!!!!

19. I was the Illuminati’s top assassin in the U.S. and the U.K. before I could legally drink. The queen of England personally asked me to whack Princess Di. But I was like, “No freaking way, not after everything Diana’s done to eradicate landmines!” Queen Byotch slapped me right across the face! If I hadn’t been severely outnumbered, England would have a jug-eared, two-timing king right now.

20. I escaped from the Illuminati, changed my name, and embraced our Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. Now I travel the country preaching abstinence and traditional family values to high school kids. My friends say they preferred hanging out with me before my “conversion,” but they’re just jealous because they still have to put out for the Bushes and Alan Greenspan at Bohemian Grove every year.

Illuminati image via www.globalmonitor.eu

Bohemian Grove image via www.deesillustration.com

2. I take 26 different medications a day. That’s not individual pills. I take as many as 12 pills of certain meds. I am afraid to tally up the exact number of pills I take in a day.

3. I was the first female fire chief in New Jersey.

4. My father was a pathological alcoholic abuser.

5. He once pointed a gun between my eyes and pulled the trigger. He was disappointed the gun wasn’t loaded.

6. Yes, I am in therapy for PTSD, along with major depression.

7. I had a psychotic break this summer, voices and all.

8. Psych wards aren’t nearly as bad as on tv, except they make you get up at 7am, deprive you of caffeince and limit your cigarettes to eight per day.

9. I can have a cigarette any time I want now, except I can’t smoke in the house or car, since I own neither, and these days have to bundle up like Ralphie’s younger brother but with hunting mittens to grip my cig.

10. I am a sci-fi geek.

11. I spent my 16th year at boarding school.

12. I got a GED and started college at 17, majoring in Theatre Tech.

13. I never graduated from that, either. The only thing I’ve ever graduated from is fire school, and it just isn’t the same.

14. This fits in with my life theme of never finishing what I start. I think it’s because finishing leaves you with such a forlorn, “it’s over?” sensation.

15. I only talk to my mother by email. We have boundary issues.

16. Once I figured out cooking is like chemistry, I got pretty good at it. Even baking.

17. I don’t wear heels. I can’t wear heels. I don’t actually want to wear heels.

18. My IQ is embarrassingly high, but my intellectual laziness levels the field.

19. I watch too much tv. It’s the soundtrack of my life.

20. January 12th is my birthday. I always hope someone will throw me a party. No one ever, ever throws me a party.

(Happy Belated Birthday, Shelwood, from all at Wordsmoker!)

2. I have green eyes.

3. I know two of you.

4. I am severely fashion-challenged, so I tend to keep it simple with jeans and a shirt.

5. I am a police dispatcher.

6. I was/am a tomboy, but have learned to appreciate lace, and pink, and I pay regular homage to the stiletto gods.

7. I am a procrastinator.

8. I was a foster child for a long time.

9. Worst. Memory. Ever.

10. I love learning, and feel very comfortable in a classroom. Teach me something, and I’ll love you forever =)

11. I wish I was more assertive.

12. I watched my father die.

13. I still believe in God, but I don’t believe in Him the way my Southern Baptist upbringing would have me believe.

14. I’m not a very talented writer, but I want to tell what’s in my head, so I keep trying.

15. I LOVE boots. A lot. It’s unhealthy, really.

16. I firmly believe in corporal and capital punishment, though not interchangeably. One would be overkill, the other would just be awkward.

17. I’m an awful housekeeper. No, really, I suck at it.

18. I want Morgan Freeman to read every word in the dictionary so that when he dies, we can still use his voice. His agent has yet to respond.

19. I want to do something great.

20. I have a great ass.

2. whyamihere is not some great philosophical question. It was originally meant to be witty. More like “Do you know why I am here on wordsmoker?” Now I look at it and realize it is droll.

8. I may not agree with you, but I respect your right to your opinion. I do not think that having different opinions prevents us from being friends.

17. I am registered as a Democrat; always have been. I rarely vote for Democrats.

3. I registered on Wordsmoker to post a comment but never posted it. I read my comment a few times and realized it would probably be misinterpreted, especially since it was about a rant and no one here knows me. Excepting the wordsmoker noted in #1 who does not know who I am.

5. I have never tried any illegal drugs. I just never felt the potential benefits outweighed the legal consequences if I were caught. I did take a vicodin once. It was after an outpatient surgery. It made me so loopy that I flushed the remaining 29 pills down the toilet.

16. Three quarters done.

6. I do drink alcohol, but I am careful to avoid getting drunk. I can be an asshole when I am drunk. I can be an asshole when I am sober but at least then it is a somewhat conscious decision.

7. I prefer Tennessee whiskey; only one brand. It is not bourbon. Bourbon is from Kentucky. I also like red wine, port and Guinness.

10. I do not think humans should kill humans, except in defense of self or others.

11. I am a married guy, but I do more than half of the cooking, most of my own laundry, and almost all of the ironing, even hers. I hate folding laundry and would rather leave it in the basket until I need it. I usually iron while she folds.

21. Sorry, I forgot there were only supposed to be twenty.

12. I read some of your lists. I like black licorice. The smell of tequila makes me nauseous. This is one of the reasons I try to avoid getting drunk. I do not know why anyone would take part in insect taxidermy. I can’t whistle and when I snap it is very quiet. I quick smoking and convinced myself it was disgusting. I now get nauseous around cigarette smoke. (The moniker FracturedAcetabulum makes me laugh every time I see it.)

9. I have been known to kill animals for my meals. If you do not like this then you should be a vegetarian. Humans are by nature omnivorous. Our entire digestive system, from teeth to anus, supports eating both meat and plants. I also believe that we are part of the food chain. If you do not believe this you should rethink your position or you may find that you have become food.

13. Anyone who thought either of the current wars would be quick has failed to read their history. D-day was June 6, 1944; we still have troops in Germany. It took almost ten years for remnants of the Nazis to stop attacking our troops in Europe. We still have troops in Japan, Okinawa, the Philippines and Korea. I voted for Bush but opposed both wars from day one. Once they started, I have always supported continuing them until they are finished.

14. I typed this on my phone.

15. I do not have an iPhone but I do have an iPod. I chose the iPod over another brand because of the number of accessories available. I have invested over $500 in those accessories. My son just got the newest iPod Nano and I was thinking of getting one for myself. None of the accessories will charge it. Steve Jobs is a dick.

18. I do not think the government should take money from people who work and give it to others who are physically and mentally able to work. I allow for a temporary exception for unemployment.

19. I think that a minimum wage is an artificial price floor that puts inflationary pressure on the market. It does not, and never will, provide a living wage either.

20. I am obsessive, anal retentive even, about grammar and spelling. I still make mistakes.

1. I know one of you, but I am not going to say who. I believe we should support our friends so I began lurking here to read that wordsmoker’s work. I will write another list when that person figures out who I am. Someone posted that they like a little intrigue; well here you go. If you don’t like this please reread #6.

22. I am definitely an acquired taste. I hope you give it the time.

2. I have seen things that would make the most jaded among you cry. I have cried. I have seen people do heinous things to one another for insignificant reasons. I am still incredulous at the number of people who say, “Oh, nothing happens around here.”

3. Much of my job was writing reports to document events. These are written at a 6th to 8th grade level so anyone can read them. Now I review the same type of reports written by others and realize that they cannot write that well. I registered with wordsmoker to knock the dust off of my writing skills. Commas and semi-colons vex me.

4. A subversive group once put a bounty on my head because I arrested a man for driving an unregistered vehicle without a driver’s license. I never really took it seriously but it sounds ominous.

5. I can be a pedantic anal retentive pratt but I am trying to learn not to take myself too seriously.

6. I am a native Floridian and I love it here.

7. My favorite movies are Yojimbo, Payback, and The Ghost and the Darkness.

8. I do not have cable or satellite television. I just do not watch enough to justify the expense. That means I have never seen FOTC, The Shield, or Nip/Tuck. I have seen “It’s Always Sunny” on DVD.

9. I cook and I am not too bad at it. While on this topic, I like black licorice and vegetables.

10. Just the smell of tequila makes me nauseous. Bad memories there.

11. Dogs, not cats.

12. Gentleman Jack.

13. My voter’s registration card says that I am a Democrat. I am not convinced.

14. I never met my paternal grandfather because he died when my father was eight. I carry my father’s stepfather’s name and this has caused me great personal distress that I cannot fully explain. I never met my father’s stepfather, but then his daughter did not meet him until she was 25.

15. My grandfather, the one I never met, was a newspaperman. He wrote a column for the Brooklyn Eagle called “All Around Town with Joe Brown”. Apparently his name didn’t rhyme with anything so Edward Ajello (yes it is a “j”) became Joe Brown. I think it was mostly restaurant and club reviews. The paper closed in 1955 and he brought the family to Miami where he became an ad man. (No, I haven’t seen that show either.) When I go to New York I plan on spending a day at the library reading his work.

16. My sense of humor is dry and I am too sarcastic for my own good.

17. I believe that we can disagree on many issues and still be friends.

18. I love the ocean. I dive and fish. I could spend the rest of my life on a boat. Sometimes I think I should have stayed in the Navy.

19. I do not think humans should kill humans, except in defense of self or others.

20. I would rather do it myself, my way. I’m stubborn like that.

2. I’m the second of 6 kids in an (mostly) Irish-American (all) Catholic family. As oldest girl I was primary babysitter. This led to me never wanting kids of my own. I’m good with babies and kids, I like most of them, but I’d done my time by the time I was in my late teens. I’ve walked the floor and rocked them to sleep. I’ve read bedtime stories. I’ve helped with homework and driven carpool. I’ve stayed home with sick kids. I make a great PB&J, chocolate chip cookie and mac & cheese. I’m done. I’m also not Catholic anymore

3. I’m something like 50 pages away from finishing my Ph.D. dissertation. It’s been more than one decade since I started grad school, but less than two.

4. I am a world class procrastinator, able to justify at any given moment how the current activity is more necessary to my general productivity or mental health than what I am supposed to be doing.

5. I’m addicted to soap operas. I feel they fulfill a useful social function, like gossip.

6. I spend more on books than clothing in any fiscal period.

7. I’ve driven cross-country multiple times with family, friends, and alone.

8. I’ve lived on both coasts, in Texlahoma, eastern Europe, and South America.

9. Where I live now, summer gets called fire season. It doesn’t rain from May to October and by mid-summer I start to dream or hallucinate rain.

10. I miss thunderstorms.

11. I have experienced hurricanes, earthquakes and tornadoes. The river flooded one year when I was about ten, but the damage didn’t reach our house.

12. On planes, I take big, scary books, usually more than one, preferably Russian or German novels or history, something that will keep the salesman or tourist in the middle seat from trying to make small talk for 4 hours.

13. One time this backfired: I was reading in the laundromat when a woman asked me about the book. I don’t remember what it was, something about the Spanish civil war maybe, but when I said “It’s history,” she said “oh I love history, remind me what it’s about?” This was a hard conversation to get out of.

14. I hate being called shy. I’ll accept quiet, reticent, reserved, even socially inept, but I’m not afraid of you, I just don’t feel like talking.

15. I recently passed a major birthday and I’m at more of a crossroads than I’ve been at any of the previous big ones.

16. In applications for college and first jobs, whenever they asked for 3 words to define yourself, I always used “perseverance.” I don’t know what 18-year-old me thought she had persevered over or through. Now that I’ve actually been through some stuff and failed at some of it, that makes me laugh.

17. I claim to speak 5 languages other than English but can only carry off Spanish with any degree of fluency. I can find the library in all 5 though.

18. I always write first drafts on paper. I find the blank page less intimidating than the blank screen and blinking cursor. That little paperclip guy in MS Word can burn in hell.

19. My siblings and I are very similar and very different at the same time.

20. Teaching jobs got me past any fear of public speaking I ever had.

21. I’ve been lurking here and that other site a while now, figured it was time I introduced myself. (see #14)