Professional Quitter Quits Another Thing
June 22, 2011 in Crazy Wingnut News
Fans of people who pretend to go on buses across America to learn things they should have learned in high school were dismayed today as they heard that professional quitter (quittress?) Sarah Palin has yet again quit another thing, the latest in a long line of things that she’s quit in recent memory. In addition, fans of hearing tortured semi-coherent statements squealed out of a moron’s head using the same frequencies as a pig being castrated were heartbroken to learn that Palin was going back to Alaska to have an “extended hiatus”, probably to work out what to quit next.
Sometimes you hear or read something so fucking out of the blue that you almost lose consciousness and begin to fall down slowly and the only thing that supports you is a helpful cat. Sometimes you hear or read something which is so obviously the wrong thing to say – said during the exactly wrong time – that you worry about going through life only kept conscious by helpful cats. It surely can’t be any coincidence that a lot of these things are uttered by Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin has delighted us for years with her captivating, in-depth analysis of world affairs, cleverly cribbed on her forearms. And today she is comparing herself to William Shakespeare. According to our Sarah, Shakespeare invented all sorts of words, just like her. No doubt she will be go down as one of the world’s greatest wordsmiths, someday supplanting Shakespeare and lengthening our lexicon with a flurry of wacky new words.
Hey, remember that fucking idiot Sarah Palin? You know – the one who would probably be President now, because old Crashy McPlane would have died six months into office after a heavy book landed on his bombing-boner head, only she’s not, because slightly more of you voted for the disappointing-but-well-spoken Kenyan man with the hot wife? Yes – her. Well, never let anyone tell you that being idiotic doesn’t pay off, because this particular idiot just got herself a show on the teevee!
