Full disclosure: I really love Transformers. I saw it in the theatres and was blown away. I accepted that it was mindless popcorn entertainment, devoid of meaning, and that it was cool when the big oversized cars bashed together and beat each other up. And it was funny! I will never not laugh at Optimus Prime saying “Oops, my bad” after destroying a garden bed. So it was with this love of the first movie that I had high-ish hopes for the sequel.
Well, those hopes were dashed in about half an hour of this seemingly interminable movie. It is a turd. A cinematic turd. Well, perhaps not that bad, but it’s not that great. To really get into how ludicrous this movie is, I have to break it down in five points (with spoiler information, so if you are really committed to seeing this, and/or are a huge Michael Bay fan, avert your eyes!):