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by Chillbear Latrigue

Wordsmoker Anthropology: Your Facebook Friends’ Moronic Memes

August 21, 2012 in Facebook, Wordsmoker Anthropology

Sometimes, I see things being posted on my Facebook friends’ walls that are so incredibly stupid that I have to repost them along with a scathing exegesis. Usually, the person who originally posted it either un-friends me or blindly “likes” my reposting. The best is when my mother, Newport News Virginia Latrigue, “likes” my reposting because I know she’s not reading my caption of “This meme is fucking idiotic. The creator should be shot.” Read the rest of this entry →

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by Chillbear Latrigue

Wordsmoker Anthropology: The Purell™ Life

August 21, 2012 in Wordsmoker Anthropology

In the heart of Broward County, there’s a little known grotto that’s carved into the decorative hedges lining a certain movie theater parking lot, where one can go and see all manners of the region’s wild fauna—lizards in particular. If I’m being completely honest here, I do not love all members of Class Reptilia equally. I definitely prefer turtles and lizards to snakes, sleestaks, or crocogators, but I grew up in a different time, so that’s really more my cross to bear. Anyway, the incredible thing about this magical secret garden is that it’s crawling with all kinds of lizards. I found it while urinating.

Without boring you with the proper Latin names for all of the difference species of lizards that I’ve seen, there are Cuban anoles, Jesus lizards, Enik, iguanas, and maybe even an occasional Gila monster. I’m not sure how there came to be such a gentle understanding between these noble creatures and myself. Maybe they sense my inner tranquility. Read the rest of this entry →

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by Chillbear Latrigue

Wordsmoker Anthropology: What’s the Most Embarrassing App in Your Smart Phone?

August 9, 2012 in Fashion, Technology, Wordsmoker Anthropology

Do most of you have smart phones now? Good, me too. One of the things that I’ve noticed is that, in addition to being very smooth and sleek, they also have applications that you can use to sort the shit in your life out. Some of these apps I frequently utilize and some I pay to download and then immediately delete. An example of an app that I use would be Flashlight, which as you may have guessed, instantaneously turns your phone into a flashlight for spelunking and clearing dark stairwells of zombies. It’s a useful app. Since I’ve downloaded this app, I’ve located three socks behind my dryer. Unfortunately, I had long since discarded their mates, but that’s not Flashlight’s fault. Read the rest of this entry →

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by MilitantRubberDucky

Wordsmoker Anthropology: Things That Petrify Me

May 5, 2012 in Scary!, Terrifying Things, Wordsmoker Anthropology

Vendetta Spider
  • Spiders – Any and all shapes, colors, and sizes. I am not so much afraid of seeing them as I am of when they disappear.
  • Despite the fact they’ll keep me looking behind doors for a week, I insist on watching scary movies (just not alone; nothing makes me go, “Oh, fuck no,” faster than a horror movie at night by myself). Same goes for creepy video games.
  • Chainsaws – There’s a reason they have the “Chain Gang” at Halloween Horror Nights every year. Fuckers.
  • Despite the fact that even though there is no one home, I am absolutely certain that the moment I stick my hand inside, the garbage disposal will turn on.
  • Even though I vacuum under the bed all the time, I refuse to hang my foot off the side of the bed at night because I just KNOW something will grab me and drag me kicking and screaming below.
  • Dying Young – What, you expect me to say something witty about that? Fuck you. Read the rest of this entry →

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by VirusWithShoes

“Oh – She’s Nice!” – The Most Ineffectual Thing You’ve Ever Thought When You Saw Someone Attractive

September 6, 2011 in Wordsmoker Anthropology

Yeah, that actual phrase went through my mind “OH, SHE’S NICE!”, and it sounded as camp as it reads. I think I was coming back to my desk and I had the BBC News Channel on watching various suits from News International being accused of something close to modern-day witchcraft, and one of the anchor-ladies was talking and I went “OH, SHE’S NICE!” in my head, like a big mary.

We can’t control our thoughts when we’re attracted to someone, whether it be in real life or on the screen – the neurons start firing in different directions like tiny sparkle-dildoes – the next thing you know your mind is saying and imagining the most ridiculous things. Sometimes it’s “nice tits” or “lovely ass”, sometimes your mind goes all camp for some reason, and you find your own voice saying the most Victorian of statements.

Anyway – she was nice. And I can’t be alone in thinking dumb things when confronted by beauty.

Add your own in the comments – it will stop me feeling crazy.

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by The Pish

It’s Eighties Movie Villain Time!!

July 3, 2011 in Cinemasmoker, Wordsmoker Anthropology

As I sit here and contemplate who should be included in my list of the greatest movie villains from the eighties, I find myself torn by the choices. I’m not sure why I’ve compiled this list, but it may be because I just watched Pretty in Pink (completely the wife’s idea) and realized how much I despised James Spader in his portrayal as Steff in the movie. So I thank Steff, and more importantly Duckie who attacked him, thereby giving me the idea. With that said, I’ve narrowed my list down to ten (technically twelve) movie characters who made quite an impact on me growing up. In other words, they made me rather angry every time I watched them.  Read the rest of this entry →

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by NoDebutante

Wordsmoker Anthology: Status Updates for Your Generation

July 1, 2011 in Facebook, Wordsmoker, Wordsmoker Anthropology

I have seen minor variations of this status update repeatedly among the older generation of my FB friends:

My curfew was the street light. My mom called my name, not my cell. I played outside with friends, not online. If I didn’t eat what mom cooked, then I didn’t eat. sanitizer didn’t exist, but your COULD get your mouth washed out with soap. I rode a bike without a helmet, getting dirty.. was OK, and neighbors looked out for you as much as your parents. Re-post if you drank from a garden hose and survived!

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by MilitantRubberDucky

Wordsmoker Anthropology: Help Ducky’s Team Not Be Lame

June 30, 2011 in Wordsmoker Anthropology

Confirmation that Chillbear's a Pitcher, not a CatcherIn an attempt for me to get some exercise and have an excuse to drink beer, I have signed up for a summer adult kickball league. That’s “adult” as in no spawn allowed—not like the “adult” where everyone runs around in ass-less chaps and nipple clamps (to my never-ending disappoint). Our first game is coming up, and we are missing a vital piece of information: a team name. We need one for when we’re booed off the field to engrave on our trophies, and so that the groupies know which team they’re supposed to be helping “get in the zone.”  I have been reading the few names suggestions provided so far, and let me tell you it is grim, folks. I know that I’m probably not dealing with rocket scientists, but still, I’m pretty sure mythical typing monkeys could put out a better product. Read the rest of this entry →

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by VirusWithShoes

The Stupid Shows You Watch Because Of Ridiculously Attractive People

June 26, 2011 in Wordsmoker Anthropology

Camelot is a show produced by Starz Entertainment, which is possibly the lamest name for anything, ever. “Starz”. It practically bleeds “awful” into my eyes. And Camelot isn’t much better. Filmed in Ireland with a cast of tens, it’s been written by a 14 year old with intermittent wi-fi access to Wikipedia. It’s errors are many, too many to mention without going mildly insane, but for me (at least) it has one trick up its sleeve that will forever make me watch it – Eva Green.

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