Hey, NBC!
August 15, 2012 in The Unbearable Lightness Of Television
Man I’ve got a show for you. You listening? Okay. We all agree that some sort of moral and ethical barrier was crossed by airing “Stars Earn Stripes”. “Vaulted” is probably more accurate a term. But fuck that. It’s done now. The line in the sand has been crossed and today we’re all a bit clearer in where television is in 2012. It’s pretending that pretend-celebrities pretend to pretend that they’re going into pretend-battle against pretend-enemies in a pretence of a show from a pretence of a broadcast network.
That’s television today.
Remember Nash Bridges? If you don’t, or have blocked out its existence thanks to long-term therapy coupled with the sort of pharmaceutical cocktail of drugs normally only allocated to compulsive fire-starters, well it was a show so removed from actual police procedure and normal means of human interaction that I’m sure that in another 40 years it’ll be seen as a surrealist classic by people who aren’t born yet. It “starred” Don Johnson in a range of waistcoats. And this “Don Johnson” fellow sued NBC for a share of the profits, and won.
I should like Bill Maher. His political leanings and points of view probably match my own, but I don’t find him funny usually. I recently watched his HBO special and laughed about twice. In an hour. That can’t be good, can it? I don’t know where the disconnect is, and I can’t be bothered to analyze it too much because it’s Sunday and I should be in bed. It’s just – the HBO special was like shooting fish in a barrel. And I think he comes across as just too smug for my liking. Always. Yeah. I think it’s the “smug”.
Law and Order, who have been engaged in an extremely public relationship for over two decades, have decided to split. The couple’s publicist issued the 
Have you been following the television thing? It’s about television and clocks, because when I read about the television thing they always seem to mention “time”. “Time” is one of the most important things about television, and maybe lights and a camera or something. But this particular television thing is getting worse, I think. Two of the people involved in the television thing are maybe going to do something different soon. On television.
Are wondering what shows you should set your tivo for? Worried that the next can’t-miss thing is going get away from you because you spend sooooo much time on Wordsmoker. Well, you are a liar first of all. Nothing gets by Wordsmoker and you know that by now and besides you spend more time playing Mafia Wars anyway. But don’t worry, I have complied the top three shows you should go ahead and set your tivo for right now so you won’t miss anything while you are waging war against Dahl or Russia or whoever the fuck you are fighting.
Okay, so you’re probably reading this on Monday, so this post is already dated, even though it was dated already by the time I’d started reading it, but I hear so much lately (today) from the kids (people on the internet) writing about how abso-fucking-lutely horrible 
You may not know this, but Your Editor is one of The Poors. As it’s coming up to the festive season, and because he’s running out of organs to sell on the black market, he’s decided to vomit up some new pitches for all the major television networks in the US, because – let’s face it – they’ll put fucking anything on the TV these days. If anyone here works in television, feel free to pitch these whenever you can and make me financially stable for the first time in years.
