Live-Blogging The Future From The Future
December 31, 2010 in Live-Blogging In The Name Of, The Future Is Here
Hello, I am VirusWithShoes, and I shall be live-blogging the future for you, behind-timers. Because I am at least 3000 miles ahead of you in time, I shall report forward to you what is happening live in 2011. You don’t have to be Jewish – anyone can join in! Ask me cryptic questions only the future – and I – hold. Will mankind survive the first hours of 2011? What new advances will be made during the five to eight hours it will take for 2011 to reach you? Will you need extra blankets? Have the dead started to walk in 2011? Do people still use money?
I will have all the secrets.
In high school, I took a class called Human Geography. It was basically geography, geopolitics and sociology all rolled into one, so we talked about a lot of timely and topical issues such as the conflict in Kosovo and poverty and famine in Africa (which is, unfortunately, a perennially timely issue). At one point during our discussion, I pointed out that there are people who feel that famine, natural disasters and endemic disease are natural forms of population control that should not be interfered with. It’s a form of social Darwinism that has been perverted to the nth degree; nonetheless, for centuries, the world’s population has indeed been kept in check by things such as these.
Dateline: Friday January 3, 2020 If the aughts were the decade of shrunken expectations, corruption, and denial, the tens were the decade of acceptance. Our standard of living did not spike. We never expected it to. The empire’s growth metrics of the last century are quaint and distant relics. Crime, terror, disease and injustice did not go away, but culture wars receded, two wrenching foreign entanglements were resolved and we elected our first female and Hispanic president.
Chicken. Chicken is quite possibly the funniest word in the English language. No? Anyway, the chicken (Gallus gallus domesticus) is a domesticated fowl. As one of the most common and widespread domestic animals, and with a population of more than 24 billion in 2003, there are more chickens in the world than any other bird. Humans keep chickens primarily as a source of food, consuming both their meat and their eggs.
In the future gay sex will be high speed and jockstraps have better road-holding capabilities than they have now. Trucks will be driven by what appear to be leprechaun’s dressed as rabbits, then these trucks will turn into robots and gay men travelling at high speed will hit the little robot and crash off the sex-track.
Happy Inauguration Day!
