Blerg. I wasn’t going to watch this again, but since my new best friend Maggie replied to my tweet (Hey girlfriend!), I feel obligated to see this through to the bitter end. That means here we are again, ready for our blood pressure to rise at the very idea of girls of privileged means being forced to work *gasp* WORK! for no money and even less respect.
Also, there has been an incident with a real live intern and I think that it can be a teachable moment for young people. Let’s start with the real intern issues before moving onto the fake reality television intern issues. Read the rest of this entry →
Welcome to the first episode of The Real Housewives of New York, Junior Edition. It’s just like the regular Housewives, only with 97% less life experience and a splatter of paint. The show follows the careers of [counts them] six or seven young women who are working very, very exhaustively hard to make it in the cutthroat art world. No, they’re not artists. They’re gallery girls. What is a gallery girl? Apparently it is a recent college graduate who procures an internship at an art gallery while her parents foot the bill for her frivolous lifestyle. Or, as one girl puts it, “You work for free until somebody one day says we’ll give you a job.” I’m only 30 seconds into the show and I already hate everyone on my television screen. Read the rest of this entry →
Well it was a long slog, but we’ve finally reached the finish line. Sadly, there are no gold medals waiting for us, just the sick, empty feeling of a fourth place finish and a Certificate of Participation. This was the very last episode of Miss Advised. Did our three lovely ladies find love? Or a reasonable facsimile? Well, duh. No, probably not. But that’s what makes it fun for us, the viewers. Read the rest of this entry →
So. What’d I miss? Oh, right. While I’ve been gallivanting around France shoveling foie gras into my pie-hole, there have been three riveting episodes of Miss Advised. Because I love you all with the burning passion of a thousand baby kittens, I watched every last one. My brain hurts, my eyes have ceased their incessant blinking, and I’m weeping for humanity. So here you go, the penultimate mega recap! For brevity’s sake and because she has been a complete bore, I skipped over Emily’s story. If you are devastated by this news, please seek counseling immediately. Read the rest of this entry →
Welcome to your first (and probably only) recap of Julia Allison’s television realitorial debut, Miss Advised, where Ms. Allison and two other sad, lonely women play dating advisors who are single, a few years past their prime, and can’t seem to follow their own advice.
Let’s get the also-rans out of the way before letting that big, tasty spotlight shine on our old friend Julia, shall we? Read the rest of this entry →
Star Trek spoofs are a-plenty on the internets and I’ve seen my share after a long day working in the fields trying to blind horses, but this three-parter is probably the best yet. If you don’t agree with me, I will punch you in the throat with a blood-caked saddle. What I’m saying is – screw you and watch this, or I will cause you bodily harm.
Ladies and gentlemen: The Ham. What crazy family concoction is this? The guy who burned his family up and Constance and Addie and Tate all at the dining table together? There’s a dead brother too? No! Tate’s snorting broken pills and is doing his gonna-kill-all-you-motherfuckers strut. For fuck’s sake, I don’t want to go through the school shooting again. Assholes! Wait. What? Goddamnit. I’m so confused!
Pretty Los Angeles in 1947. A wide street and tall palm trees. Sunshine. The Murder House is now a dentist office. We have a lovely lady with long raven hair coming to visit the dentist. Femme Fatale? We learn quickly that the Dentist is not married. This lovely lady found out about this guy because her friend said that he did a good job FILLING her CAVITY. He makes special arrangements for girls with no money. I think it’s called Doggy Style these days. This girl does not care about her teeth at all, she just wants to get him hot for her. Maybe she’s here to have him remove her front teeth or something? That is how you really break into HOLLYWOOD, my dears. TAKE NOTE: she has a White Dahlia in her Black Hair. She gets the nitrous oxide and everything disappears.
Six months ago The Rubber man was walking down a hallway. But a little before that, the wife of the abortionist was upset and walking through the darkness of her house which was built just for her, looking over the furniture and whatnots and saying how wrong everything was. This is not her house and yet it is her house. A man wants to comfort her. What would comfort her is a baby. So be it! The rubber suit is quickly pulled out of the trash on the sidewalk. So convenient! Right on top like that. You should know that when husbands walk around the house dream sleeping in the night, their wives get fucked by rubber suited spirits. It is Tate!!!! Tate’s the Rubber Man! Hahahahahaha. Motherfucker.
Vivien has a photo of the abortionist and her wife and their child and she says: This lady was here! Vivien’s saying this to the maid who is working for FREE and the realtor.