September 7, 2011 in Stupid Humans
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February 8, 2011 in Stupid Humans
There’s no privacy these days. I can’t even film myself strangling a homeless teenager behind a library any more, because the footage I then taunt the police with on killthemallsayi.blogspot.com is apparently not only “disturbing to a shocking degree”, it’s also “in the public domain” or something. Well, that was a shock to me (as much as it was a boon to the writing team behind Law & Order: UK). And now the crazy British Press Complaints Commission have decided that anything you Tweet isn’t private too! Where will this intrusion end and how do you get blood off of a hammer!??!
January 18, 2011 in Stupid Humans
She’s a dolt and an embarrassment both to America and humanity at large, but that hasn’t stopped brain-dead moose-worrier Sarah Palin from talking shit to a camera in front of her fireplace. A fireplace that surely has more understanding of nuance and decorum than the baby-dropping moron sitting in front of it. A fireplace that understands more about modern America than the daft tart babbling away just a matter of feet away. A fireplace that feels.
The first time I tried hallucinogens was my freshman year in college. I’d been trying for months to score some acid or some shrooms. Mine was easily the lamest campus in New England and thus probably the only one that was not literally awash in drugs at all times. So it was in late November, when a kid from down the hall in my dorm finally hooked me up with a few tabs of acid. It wasn’t the best he’d had, but it was okay, he said. I dropped a tab of it that same evening. I’ve never been very good at saving my drugs. Whether it’s a bag of weed, some tabs or a couple of percocets, whenever I come into possession of decent drugs, it’s really only a matter of hours at best before they’ve been ingested.
October 21, 2010 in Stupid Humans
James Woods – the actor man – not satisfied with having a girlfriend 20% of his age, also likes to make proclamations that end up making other, more sane humans, laugh. His latest brain-ejaculate involves the actress Kristen Stewart, a young woman who is yet to show emotion on her face despite hanging around with pale men with big sex-hair. Crazy Jimmy has just compared Kristen to Marlon Brando, a performer famous for “method acting”, which involved him turning into a small, reclusive island with legs during his final years.
September 5, 2010 in Stupid Humans
November 23, 2009 in Stupid Humans
If you went college then those Satan worshiping professors have brainwashed to believe in evolution! Kids can’t even bury their heads in the Bible and not learn science in primary schools anymore. But don’t worry – Kirk Cameron is here to help unbrainwash you.
He probably has a catchy theme song and will wrap it up in under 30 minutes too.
November 21, 2009 in Stupid Humans
Oh hai, electric viewers. Chris Buttars – a mad person who lives in Utah and is somehow not only allowed outside on his own, but also allowed to talk without a handler or a muzzle – has done both recently. Because of these things – the lack of exterior supervision or speech-handler/brain-muzzle – he has said, once again, comical things about gay people. You’ll find it very funny until you remember that he is an elected official and lives in the 21st Century.
Let’s face it, we’ve all pretended we’re someone else from time to time. Some days I pretend I’m a fully-functioning human being, with actual friends and maybe a clean microwave oven and a selection of exciting underwear bought from reputable sources. But sometimes we get found out, say, for example – the authorities discover that you’re not an actual superhero with the ability to climb walls while fighting crime and that you’re just a depraved Scottish pervert with a penchant for dressing up as some sort of crotchless Spiderman while mumbling to himself about Green Goblin’s infiltrating nurse’s homes. Where was I?