Honeymoon Sex Advice
June 21, 2012 in sex
If you find yourself going on your honeymoon after five years of marriage without your children and your partner has a penis, this is what you should do:
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by Vaquero
Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele See “The Avengers” in 3D
May 20, 2012 in Romancesmoker, sex, Sexsmoker
“So, where are we going?” I whisper tentatively.
“I thought I might surprise you, Miss Steele.” Oh, so now we’re back to last names. Who is this intriguing man of mystery?We ride silently for the next few minutes. His face impassive. My subconscious is nudging me. Ana, what are we doing here? Open the car door and roll out. The car door! I don’t even know what kind of car we’re in. Do I even know how to open the door? Would I even open the door if I could?
“Stop doing that, Anastasia. I’m driving,” he sternly orders demandingly. Read the rest of this entry →
by NoDebutante
Having “The Talk”
August 3, 2011 in sex
My older daughter has reached the age when the school district steps in to have “the talk.” Recently, the classes separated along gender lines to watch the appropriate video discussing bodily changes they can expect. I asked my daughter about the video after school: did she learn anything new? Was it uncomfortable to watch? Did she have any other questions? I am proud to say that I had addressed nearly everything in the girls’ video, though apparently I had omitted the warnings about Toxic Shock Syndrome. (I thought that could wait, but I suppose it is never too early to instill the fear of infection.) Read the rest of this entry →
Requited
April 21, 2011 in sex, Sexsmoker, ShaftSmoker
As I turned the corner towards my house after finishing an exhilarating five-mile run, I was surprised to see one of the former students from the grammar school I teach at standing in front of my brownstone. I knew that her parents lived nearby, and I had bumped into the whole family on various occasions over the years. But Linse had graduated about a decade ago, and it was odd to see her back in the neighborhood. I recalled that she had been the school’s valedictorian; she was also the best student I’ve ever had in my more than thirty years as a teacher. Read the rest of this entry →
WIN A FONDLESLAB!!!
February 16, 2011 in sex
Hey %USERNAME% [SPACE] I can’t believe it, I actually got a free [FONDLESLAB] to test out and keep. They are only giving away a limited supply because Chinese kids can only work 18 hour days, so I’m showing you this, my friend special. Their still giving them away from Pets.com overstock too many boats! I absolutely WANK OVER the [FONDLESLAB] EMOTICON!!!!
The Shifting Symbolism Of Thanksgiving In Modern American Culture (NSFW)
November 25, 2010 in NSFW, sex
Yes, in this post I shall discuss what Thanksgiving means to those who celebrate it in modern America. No, not really. It's really just Thanksgiving-themed pornography, if I'm being honest. Yep – every dirty and lewd Thanksgiving-related filth I could find out there on the internet is embedded below. I only called it "The Shifting Symbolism Of Thanksgiving in Modern American Culture" because someone might be walking behind you as you surf the web on your lapbook or netpad out of sheer boredom on Thanksgiving, and well they won't suspect a dryly-titled big-fonted post here, will they? Oh no they won't! HAHA!
Salty Of Neck, Sandpaper Of Elbow
June 11, 2010 in sex, The Human Body
Who do I want to fuck the most right now? I want the cute-ugly guy from work. I know that he’s gay. I know that he’s gay because I found some incriminating pictures of him online. Yes, I was looking for stuff about him on purpose. When it’s about people you don’t know, like the heads of companies, it’s research. When it’s people you do know, it’s suddenly called stalking.
The Prize For Comment 30,000 – Kilt Porn Poetry
January 16, 2010 in Scottish Things, sex
Hey, remember that time back in the past when everyone was nice and people typed things in here MULTIPLE TIMES and slowly but surely the comment count reached 30,000 and we all had a big party because Nefarious Newt won the contest, even though it wasn’t a contest? And that the weird thing about it was that comment 30,000 was actually a comment referencing the possibility of it being number 30,000? META-IRONY, INDEED. Magic, even!
