The Planet Destroying Assholes Of America
March 5, 2009 in I SHIT YOU NOT, Science
Greetings, toilet-goers of America! Did you know you’re killing THE FUCKING PLANET by WIPING with the WRONG SORT OF PAPER? Yes. You are, you naughty-botty!
I’ve done research and learned that we all shit on the planet. Literally. Well, unless you were part of the Apollo program, or are currently on the International Space Station staring at a Windows blue screen of death on an IBM Thinkpad while drinking your own filtered pee (yes I am a NASA geek). But NASA or DARPA or OPRAH won’t save you now.
Because TOILET PAPER FAIL to America, people. FAIL. TOILET PAPER. TOILET. AMERICA. PAPER!
A real and relatively amazing change in US policy was signalled today as President-Walking-Erect Barack Obama appointed one of the world’s leading global warming experts to his team as Chief Scientist. John Holdren, an actual Havard physicist (and not some dude who gave Bush cash/votes/a ride in his big vroomy bible-car) will take over from the incumbent wing-nut not a moment too soon.
Like all good Americans I do my part by trying to watch as much TV as I can. Part of the fun is to then complain about it with your friends, except those (invariably Canadian) ones that love to tell you that they don’t own a TV and instead only listen to NPR. Today’s subject is the FOX drama House, which tends to be tremendously entertaining as long as you can get past 
