More Cunnilingus Small-Talk Discovered
August 14, 2012 in Science
I love talking dirty to a lady-friend. I love telling them how beautiful their lady-bits are, how good they taste, how good they smell. I love talking about them, how they should be proud of them, how complex they are, how they can literally create life on this planet, and how that’s something I’ll never, ever be able to experience, because I don’t have the choice due to my man-gineering. I’m probably a bit like The Devil in The Witches of Eastwick, but with more hair.
I heart vaginas. I’m not ashamed of it.
Scientists at NASA have hurriedly issued a statement balancing out the news that a new, Earth-like planet named "Kepler 22-b" has been discovered 600 light years away by saying that – like Earth – it's probably full of cunts. Astronomers who form the core of the Kepler team expanded on yesterday's news by saying that during the search for methane, they also might have detected "cunt particles" which point to an advanced civilization sadly like our own.


Like a drunk at a barbecue – we are not special, and we are not alone. Ponder that sentence for an hour or so, then continue reading here. NASA’s Stardust Spacecraft (named by the same lyricists behind “Hair”) has discovered “glycine”, a fundamental building block of life and a good word to pull out the back of your mind when playing Scrabble. I keep thinking that this should be the lead story everywhere, but somehow it isn’t.
Do you dream of electric sheep? Then maybe you’re an android and you don’t pee. Well – when you’re not smashing Harrison Ford’s face off some rain-soaked tiles while a big fan cast shadows, you damn replicant – you should know that real humans pee in the shower and those who say they don’t are liars. You see – like mocking a sea-lion, peeing in the shower is an entirely natural thing to do – and it’s finally got the golden seal of approval from 
Having been a dork for this stuff as a kid, I’m amazed to have only just learned that when Voyager 1 was launched in 1977, Carl Sagan and Michael Ford were drunk and stoned, laughing their asses off that Voyager 1 was going a couple months after Voyager 2. Something about orbits and whatnot was why, but so fucking what?