Live-Blogging That Diamond Jubilee Concert Thing
June 4, 2012 in Live-Blogging In The Name Of
It hasn’t started yet but the excitement is building like panther-sex. I’ve got the fucking tennis on here, because everyone on the BBC is talking too quickly and being excited like fucking Scouts on too much sugar. I’ve got my mother moaning and twittering like a fucking parakeet about everything, but somehow I want to be here talking about this concert thing. I’m working on her laptop in the lounge, and because today is a holiday here, I’ve done three washings and hung them out because it’s breezy but sunny. Where was I? Yes. The concert. I’m live-blogging it.
We will continue to closely monitor tsunamis around Japan and the Pacific going forward and we are asking all our citizens in the affected region to listen to their state and local officials.
Hello and welcome to yet another live-blog of an awards ceremony. This one is the most prestigious of the season – The Golden Globes. It’s dark in Scotland and windy, and I’m still annoyed at theawl having a go at Scotch eggs. The woman on the AP feed on Livestream sounds like Minnie Fucking Mouse on helium and PCP. Anyway – everyone arriving looks so shiny and annoying, so I’m going to make something to eat as it’s going to be a long 14 hours.
Hello there. It’s sunny here in Scotland, so obviously something is wrong. What is obviously wrong is that I’m not in Washington D.C. with thousands of other people hoping to catch a glimpse of Stephen Colbert from half a mile away while slowly freezing to death and needing the toilet then peeing in a discarded plastic bottle in the hope that no-one catches me doing so on their cell-phone and then uploads the footage to PeeTube, your number one resource for online full-bladder action. Because of both these urine-centered fears and extreme distance, I have to watch it on C-Span like a dry, petulant robot.
America – land of the brave, home of the free. England – land of the toff, home of the colonialist wankers. Two nations separated only by water and cheese consumption per capita, joined together in a “special relationship” by the after-effects of unchecked capitalism. One of these nations start wars for oil, the other one likes to shit oil in your ocean and all over your birds. Welcome to the Wordsmoker England vs USA World Cup live-blog. Have I mentioned yet about how England should be crushed beyond all recognition? I haven’t? Okay.
