September 16, 2011 in Interesting Moving Pictures
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August 24, 2011 in Interesting Moving Pictures
Oh, come on, Burt Reynolds – it’s time you gave it a rest. Do I have to be the first to say that you’re getting a bit old for “chase movies”? I mean – this clip looks moderately exciting as you Tokyo Drift your wheels around someone’s garden as you try to escape the horny maw of the law, but you’ve got to call it a day some time, and this looks like it. You’re just embarrassing yourself, man. And I don’t want to be there in the cinema when Sally Field trundles in on her walker, all whored-up with her pancake tits pushed up in a satin blouse or something while the corpse of Dom Deluise takes another of your mock punches to his worm-eaten face. Give it up, Burt. Please.
May 10, 2011 in Interesting Moving Pictures
It’s either a metaphor for something, or I’ve just discovered a really niché section of porn – Dog On Sleeping Homeless Guy Action (DOSHGA). I’m guessing that if you check Craigslist for DOSHGA, you’ll come up with a few hits, maybe a number you can call, a number connected to a phone that has a ring-tone of a dog breathing heavily. I’m taking – as always – the more prurient path to explaining this, with my pornography-addled brain looking for the obvious answers, which all relate to pornography. This time I want to search for a higher meaning to what you see, if what you are seeing is a dog humping a sleeping homeless guy because I posted it up here. IT’S A METAPHOR, PEOPLE.
April 28, 2011 in Interesting Moving Pictures
I have to thank LipstickLibrarian - a angry giant of a man with teeth the size of claws – for giving me this link to the Abbey Road Webcam. I find it incredibly peaceful and soulful, not to mention relaxing. “Relaxing” in the same way witnessing a hat alone on a bench in the rain is “relaxing”. The Abbey Road Webcam is brimming-over with Beatles’ fans walking across the road, and I could watch it all day. It’s funny seeing all the lonely people – where do they all come from? LOLZ!. I imagine a fair amount of them are thinking “let’s do it in the road!” as they cross the road while inconveniencing van drivers and couriers, some of them who wear caps to protect themselves from the glare. Something about this just cheers me up. And it looks like a good day – sunshine! I know! If you look carefully at the feed, you can see into the back of an octopus’ garden, and possibly one of Ringo’s old drums sobbing into the dirt. FEDORA.
April 12, 2011 in Interesting Moving Pictures
God – won’t Air France stop sexually harassing other jets at JFK? This is getting beyond a joke now. Look at the dirty Frenchy aircraft grope the ass of the smaller aircraft in the above footage. Disgusting. The policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” regarding airplane molestation at JFK has got to end, people.
February 10, 2011 in Interesting Moving Pictures
I love me some Zack Galifianakis. I love his little face and his sizable belly and all the hair that grows from nearly everywhere on his little comedic head. I loved him in The Hangover, and that show he does with the ferns, especially the one with that beautiful actress who said her legs were getting sweaty. Oh, and the Natalie Portman one, with the dog. And that one where that guy punched him. And Zack was great in the remake of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, which I think was called “Jew Date”. I don’t remember many Jews in that, though. Maybe the dog was Jewish. Hah! That makes it even funnier! A little Jewish dog! With a cone on his head! Awwwwwww! See? This is why I love Zack Galifianakis – even he can make Jews funny, by turning them into dogs. Just like the rumors! You know, about Jews being able to shapeshift? Hah! It’s even funnier now. I may have to go back and watch “Jew Date” again – for the shapeshifting Jews!
January 4, 2011 in Interesting Moving Pictures
One of the movies I was desperate to see last year was Machete, starring crag-faced Danny Trejo. Something terrible happened, though – I ended up watching Machete and felt completely fucking annoyed with how shitty it was and how great it could’ve been. I was so angry I threw all my kitchen knives out the window and relied on only spoons and forks for weeks on end until I got bored forking butter onto hot toast – an action that takes a great deal of time, patience, and butter.
October 26, 2010 in Interesting Moving Pictures
Creepy young humans are at the core of some of the best horror stories. Rosemary’s Baby. That kid from The Omen. Justin Bieber. That little girl in that Renee Zellweger movie that the studio sat on for three years. Spine-chilling, every one of them. America seems to have a lock on creating really creepy youngsters, probably by feeding them what you call “cheese” by intravenous drip right after they pop out of lady-bellies. Feed anything that amount of cheese and you will create a monster, mark my words. John Wayne Gacy was probably a normal, well-adjusted little boy until he got a taste for cheddar.
Hey – remember when I brought this wonderful review of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace to your attention way back in December 2009? Well there’s been a second part out for a while, but the first part of the second part was pulled by Comedy Central from YouTube when I saw it first, so I didn’t write about it but now – but thanks to Miss Peacock, she’s brought it to my attention again, so here it is – the review of Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones, and it’s nearly as good as the first. Yeah – maybe I should’ve posted this over the weekend so you could watch it but just shut up, you sound like a big magpie sometimes.