Hey – do you read Gawker? Do you comment there? You sound like an asshole, then. Because you’ve been terrifying one of new-medja’s titans – Alan Denton, erstwhile owner of said blog-clusterfuck. Yes – he’s a-scared of what you might write on his sites. He scurries down a hole like a badger with TB whenever you comment. WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN TO ALAN? HE ONLY WANTS MONEY AND POWER!!! God, just give it a rest you scoundrels. Why are you being so horrid to Alan? It’s not as if he has the ultimate power on the Gawker network, is it? No – no-one there has the power to switch off the comments, do they? Of course not. Anyway – poor Alan actually stops people writing things on his sites because he’s afraid of what the all-powerful commenters might write below them, using words and utilizing a system that baffles me so much that I’m amazed anyone still fucking bothers. Also – I never noticed this fear when he ran post after post about Julia-whatshername for years. Maybe Alan is just getting old in his declining years. Whatever. Just stop being mean to Alan with your unfunny, unenlightening, dull commentary and do something else with your life, you scum.
That’s the only conclusion I can come up with at the moment. Nick Denton is a genius. I’ll forever stand by that statement. I base my statement – that Nick Denton is a genius – on the wealth of responses to the most recent re-design of Gawker and all other GawkerMedia sites. Nick Denton is a genius, and if you don’t understand why, then you’ve simply yet to catch up and realize the genius of Nick Denton.
Hey, remember Gawker? That place that made you change all your passwords and annoy major email brands and sites across the world? Remember then the time they fessed-up to having their servers cracked? How they did something about it as soon as possible? Turns out that this statement might not be exactly true. The hack had occurred months before they managed to raise the alarm.
A long time ago, in an internet far far away, there was once a place called (yes, I’ll say the name out loud! I’m not scared of you, VoldemortNickAlan! The cash fan-shaped scar between my eyebrows is proof enough of my valor, thank you very much!) Gawker. I used to hang out there all the time, like many of you and unlike many others of you. At one time, it was a Big Fucking Deal that one its past editors left and was subsequently maligned and then became embroiled in an imbroglio revolving around things like “oversharing,” “narcissism,” “betrayal,” and (after the parsing became exhausting), over-performed internet “yawn”-ing by studiously disinterested interested observers.
In other words, it was a typical internet contretemps; indeed, at the time, it struck me as maybe an archetypical one. Why did I care? Why did anyone? To answer these questions, I did what any self-respecting internet citizen does – I wrote an unreadably long, meanderingly idiosyncratic post about it on my completely unread blogspot-powered personal blog!
Hello. I hope you had a shit great Halloween. I watched movies and drank some tea and ignored the door. I spent most of the early evening cuddling little Jake, my cat, because some inhuman fuck-heads decided to let off fireworks early, which prompted him to fly through the kitty door at a great speed of terror, belly to the ground, scared out of his kitteh-wits.
Oh tits – I’m not getting too far into this because crazy people who believe crazy things for 35 years before deciding they’re crazy scare me. Really. Just, go away. And shut up. And keep your craziness to yourself. Anyway, this WHOLE THING is crazy enough without Gawker making wild and patently unsubstantiated claims about people. I mean – how did something this blatantly untrue make it past Alan’s or Gabby’s keen editorial eye? Of course, I’m talking about Foster Kamer’s statement that Paul Haggis is “one of the most revered, successful writer-directors of the last decade”.
Oh Alan! You sound like a nice guy with a nice apartment with maybe a nice cat who does comical things with toilet tissue to celebrate whenever a post gets Lifehacker numbers on Gawker. And maybe, Alan, you get your expensive hi-def camera out and record your pleasant cat doing comical things and you upload them to ratemycomicalkitty.com under the username “r_murdoch27″ and you clap your hands with glee whenever you receive a LOL relating to your pleasant cat video – Alan Denton’s Comical Kittehs aside, your underlings sound as if they suck big-time, according to the lovely Cajun Boy.