You’re taking in a bare-knuckle boxing match or placing an aggressive wager in a clandestine gambling den. The attendees seem to be enjoying themselves, but their mood isn’t even mildly interesting to you. You’re there to take possession of some contraband, or to kill an hour until the cocktail waitress ends her shift. As you reflect on the price you’ve paid for your wasted youth, you light up an unfiltered cigarette and finish the warm dregs of whiskey in the tumbler that’s been sitting by your right elbow. Just when you look around to ask someone where the goddamn waiter is with that drink that you ordered, the guy next to you asks an inane question like, “Are you having an okey time, mac?” And you reply, “Heck, yeah! I’m having an awesome time! What about you?” You look past your right shoulder and notice that you’ve unconsciously raised your hand to offer one of those “high fives” or “fist bumps” that everyone seems to be so fond of these days.
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You’ve read Eleven Habits of Highly Imposing Men. It prompted you to take up smoking, gambling, and you started drinking harder liquor. You’ve been calling people demeaning names, punching men, and taking slaps from the ladies, but you still have a need to know just how imposing you’ve really become. Sure, you’re secure in your masculinity, but should you really be? Personally, I think all that worry results from weak, insecure thinking, but rest assured, frenchy, I’m going to give you a test to take—even though the results will probably just make you feel bad.
The Eleven Habits of Highly Imposing Men™ Quiz
Here’s how it works: I ask the questions and you write down the letter that corresponds to your answer. Then at the bottom there will be an answer key. Read the rest of this entry →
The “Mahna Mahna” song by the late Piero Umiliani was first heard in a regrettably chaste sauna scene in the Italian mondo film Sweden: Heaven and Hell, which “documented” sex and drug hijinks among Sweden’s youth. The song was a minor hit, but later achieved earworm status when it was popularized by the Muppets and Sesame Street.
Yeah, it’s happened to just about every man. You’re sitting around watching some modern television show like Men of a Certain Age (or something else where feelings are displayed) and you think, “I really hope I don’t act like that.”
But we both know you do. And you know what? Your friends do too. Our whole fucking country does.
Whatever happened to “Frankly, my dear I don’t give a damn?” Or Rudy Valentino kidnapping the girl and dragging her across the desert? What about the jilted saloonkeeper who walks around insulting his guests and denying that he sticks his neck out for people but then quietly does? You watched those movies, you idolized those heroes, but once you had your first taste of grain alcohol or an unfiltered Camel, you dismissed their superlative masculinity as some sort of Hollywood gimmick. Read the rest of this entry →
April 30, 2011 in Cultural Analysis
Are you happy with yourselves, Guardian readers watching Chelsea and ‘Spurs play rich man tag in the English Premier football league thing? You’ve went and made Rob Smyth cry like a little baby BECAUSE YOU CALLED HIM AN “A*HOLE” whatever that is. “Aphole”? “Ashole”? “Achole”? Anyway – Rob Smyth shouldn’t have to take this sort of abuse via the email, you know. He’s a dick.