Professional Quitter Quits Another Thing
June 22, 2011 in Crazy Wingnut News
Fans of people who pretend to go on buses across America to learn things they should have learned in high school were dismayed today as they heard that professional quitter (quittress?) Sarah Palin has yet again quit another thing, the latest in a long line of things that she’s quit in recent memory. In addition, fans of hearing tortured semi-coherent statements squealed out of a moron’s head using the same frequencies as a pig being castrated were heartbroken to learn that Palin was going back to Alaska to have an “extended hiatus”, probably to work out what to quit next.
Hold on to your uterus, Frieda, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
I was recently made aware of an urgent matter by Sarah Palin, one that I think we can all agree is of the utmost importance to us all. You see, her country is under attack. Now, I’m not sure what country she is from, or where it is located, but that a sovereign nation on this Earth should be attacked without a general hue and cry from the free nations of the world is appalling.
Hey, remember that fucking idiot Sarah Palin? You know – the one who would probably be President now, because old Crashy McPlane would have died six months into office after a heavy book landed on his bombing-boner head, only she’s not, because slightly more of you voted for the disappointing-but-well-spoken Kenyan man with the hot wife? Yes – her. Well, never let anyone tell you that being idiotic doesn’t pay off, because this particular idiot just got herself a show on the teevee!
I’m annoyed. There are a lot of people out there in the world who have what could kindly be described as a tenuous grasp on the rudiments of political and economic philosophy. Like the dude to the left.
Like everyone, we all remember what we were doing when we saw those horrific images on that haunting, terrible day. Yes – I’m talking about 11/24 – a date that will live long in our collective memory. When we all looked on – aghast – at the shocking footage on Fox News, as former White House spokesrobot Dana Perino claimed that ‘We Did Not Have a Terrorist Attack on Our Country During President Bush’s Term’. Yes – NEVA FORGET. Unless it harms your argument on the Wingnut Airwaves.
Barbara Walters is so brave. She went to Alaska and interviewed the Palins and somehow didn’t get pregnant, shot anything or get raped. At least not on camera. Barbara Walters promises to ask the hard questions and get the answers. Here is the reader digest version for those of you who didn’t stay up to watch this. I am still not sure who would win in a staring contest between them though.
Hey you – America – you’re being raped! Your car is being raped! Your dog – Mr Peters – he’s being raped in the back yard as I type this. Your DVD collection – already raped, raped by Obama himself, with his big black rapey cock in standard definition. Your Tivo? Raped! Your paycheck? Raped, raped right in the decimal point, where rape really hurts. Your job? Raped – raped once during it’s coffee break, and twice during lunch, right outside your place of work in front of a big, cheering liberal rape party.
