Wordsmoker

Awrite!  Hou’s it gaun?  Whit’s this, ye speir at us? The maist o ye ken that this is whaur ah gie ye a haund wit things ye dinna kin an’ aw that.  It’s like feeding jujubes tae an elephant mind, but dinna fash yersel an’ haud yer wheesht, it’s nae borra.  Ma heid’s birlin with all this information, frae blootert blethering tae haggis-fueled havering.  In past columns ah’ve telt aboot aliens and cover-ups and killings an’ aw ither thing. The day it’s gony be all aboot Alba.

The following is attributed to that bawbag and alleged Scotsman Dennis Miller, who kens hee haw aboot hee haw:

“The biggest conspiracy has always been the fact that there is no conspiracy. Nobody’s out to get you.   Nobody gives a shit whether you live or die.  There, you feel better now?”

Bishop of Motherwell Joseph Devine started a barnie during a 2008 lecture in Glasgow by saying that the bufties have launched a “huge and well-orchestrated conspiracy against Christian values,” and that they’ve aligned themselves with minority groups and holocaust survivors in a desperate bid for sympathy. Not taking any fucking shite from those poofs.  In response to a question about what to do when confronted with a child’s “mission to become homosexual,” the bishop said not on yir nellie, advising parents not to “tolerate that behaviour.”

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