August 18, 2011 in Things to do in Kansas
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August 16, 2011 in America The Fucked
A few weeks ago, Kansas Public Radio ran a story that first aired on Harvest Public Radio. (Please do not snicker at Harvest Public Radio. We have so few nice things in the Great Plains.) The first thing I heard was this: “If you believe in America, this is where you come!” The voice uttering this astonishingly wrong-headed statement came from the lips of Carl DiCapo, a Kansas City octogenarian who is attempting to raise mega cash to save the National Agricultural Hall of Fame in Bonner Springs, Kansas, which is just a few minutes west of Kansas City.
I have nothing against Bonner Springs. It has a really neat outdoor amphitheatre where I saw both Sting and The Monkees, although not at the same time. In the fall, Bonner Springs hosts the annual Renaissance Festival where my seven-year-old can tear into a turkey leg like a feral child raised in a forest during the Middle Ages by SCA members. Read the rest of this entry →
June 29, 2011 in Smokin' Comments
With the grace of God, and the timing of the unnamed naval officer who saves Ralph from a certain death at the hands of Jack and his minions at the end of William Golding’s prescient horror novel about a group of allegedly intelligent and civilized people on the Internet, Lord of the Flies, so came the poet Skahammer to deliver one of the most lovely comments ever on the feminine form.
I’m going to try to make up for my extremely late arrival with a truly substantive contribution.
The challenge posed by boobs is neither existential, ontological, nor moral. Clearly boobs exist, and they nicely fill out the 36C-sized category of Things Which Are Good In And Of Themselves. Read the rest of this entry →
June 6, 2011 in Gentle Reader
“Whatcha Readin’?” is Great Plains vernacular for “What are you reading?” This is a sweet, unassuming column meant to impart one’s recent experiences in casual reading. In other words, I want to tell you what I’ve been reading lately and after I do, I’d like to know what you’ve been reading lately, as well.
Long time, no talk about reading. Please, let’s share everything fun that passes beneath our eyeballs – books, magazines, pamphlets, etc. Nothing is too high-brow, nothing too low-class. Just because Irish reads Trollope doesn’t mean you can’t talk trollops or even scallops. I want to hear about everything you’re reading, good and bad, rollicking and somber, literary and pulpy, so please don’t hold back. Read the rest of this entry →
March 7, 2011 in The Smokie Awards
Last night, I logged on to Facebook for my twice-weekly check to ensure that all my “friends” are still enjoying more interesting lives than mine and to leave a status update that the Smokies would not be ready until this morning. Yeah, I know it’s no longer morning, but I did sign on the minute I got to work in an attempt to hurriedly finish them up, an impossible task.
After I finished picking the winners, I sat here and tried to think of a theme. I had one in mind – I was going to start the Virginia Slims Revolution and declare war on my oppression against . . . who? WordPress? Virus? Chillbear? Rene, for god’s sake? I got nothing. And worse, I made a snide comment in the FB thread that followed my “Smokies are late” update that I wouldn’t post without a theme, not like some people. Read the rest of this entry →
February 25, 2011 in My Dull Life
Many, many years ago, there existed an exquisite snack that was pure perfection. This delicious taste treat was packaged and sold in a simple way, sans the fancy fonts and foil of Pepperidge Farm or the utilitarian weltschmertz of ChocoLeibniz. This sweet thing, this chewy delight was the Snackwell’s Fudge Brownie. Read the rest of this entry →
February 6, 2011 in The Smokie Awards
Day 1: Hey, this isn’t so bad. In fact, it’s cozy. The pantry is full and we have popcorn, movies and chocolate chip cookies. To hell with housecleaning. I’m in my sweats and thick, white socks and we’re going to play some Go Fish! and then watch Shaun the Sheep in Off the Baa!
This is really pretty nice. No work, no school, no obligations. I’m making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and we’ll all waddle to bed with full tummies and sleep like babies. Bonus – no need to set the alarm – there’s a snowstorm!
January 10, 2011 in The Smokie Awards
Hi, there. I don’t have much time, so I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. Here at Wordsmoker HQ, we’re getting a jump on this end of days thing and preparing ourselves for the coming apocalypse. Hang on a second.
“Hey, no. We already have 25 pounds of rice. And I wanted the Basmati. (pause) I don’t care, Chillbear. Take that back upstairs.”
Sorry about that. Where was I? Yeah, the end of days thing. I guess you’ve heard about the birds and the fishes and that stuff. Rene Sance and I were talking last night about frogs, too. I mean, where are they, right? They’re just gone. Remember how ubiquitous frogs were when you were a kid? Jesus, they were everywhere. Now? Just gone. Anyway, we’re not waiting around here until we actually hear the thundering hooves of the Four Horsemen. No fucking way. Read the rest of this entry →