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The Officer’s Monologue – The Road to Breville

January 2, 2013 in Food And Drink, The Officer's Monologue – A Guide to Fashion, Wordsmoker Publishing

“The Officer’s Monologue” is one male police officer’s continuous narrative about fashion, interior design, decor, dining, and all things esthetic. All remarks are approximate quotes of actual statements made to the author—usually over sandwiches and cookies. Any resemblance between the principal character to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

“I almost didn’t hear you come in,” he says without immediately turning. “I forgot to check my six. I have something that I’ve been waiting to show you. I’m actually pretty excited about it.” Read the rest of this entry →

First Date Excerpts Recorded From an Ass-Dialed Jawbone Device

December 12, 2012 in Dating, Romancesmoker

“What I first noticed about you? This is going to sound a little corny, but it wasn’t your pendulous breasts. No, seriously, it was your eyes. Now you’re laughing. I’m not even sure what color they are, but they’re flawless, luminous orbs tightly mounted in two perfect orifices. It’s like someone took a couple of Brach’s caramel cubes— No, that’s not right. They’re darker. Like swatches of rich Corinthian leather, melted down to a liquid and poured into the centers of matching bone white finger bowls with a pair of black olives dropped into the middle.” Read the rest of this entry →

The Officer’s Monologue – At a Place Called YOLO

June 30, 2012 in Fashion, Food And Drink, The Officer's Monologue – A Guide to Fashion

“The Officer’s Monologue” is one male police officer’s continuous narrative about fashion, interior design, decor, dining, and all things esthetic. All remarks are approximate quotes of actual statements made to the author—usually over sandwiches and cookies. Any resemblance between the principal character to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

A buddy of mine from the military came in from out of town, so he called me to see if I wanted to hook up. So I’m like, “what the fuck?” and tell him to meet me at YOLO because I’ve been wanting to check it out. Read the rest of this entry →

The Troll Murders of Gavin O’Finnegan

June 27, 2012 in Fiction

“I’ve never cared for troll dolls. They just creep me out.” – Gavin O’Finnegan

“I told you that it doesn’t always happen. You should dip that meatball in the lingonberry jam. It makes it more delicious.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to give that a shot sometime. I know it doesn’t always happen,” he lowers his voice to approximate mine, but fails in his attempt at mockery. “I just don’t understand why we have to keep coming back to IKEA and hanging out in the cafe. Read the rest of this entry →

Dirty, Sexy, Techy

June 22, 2012 in Technology

ROBOT BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHER FOR HIRE

IS YOUR ROBOT SPECIAL, BUT YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS IT? I’M A SERIOUS SEMI-PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER WHO WILL BRING OUT YOUR ROBOT’S INNER HOTNESS!

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20 Things About Me – Chillbear Latrigue (In Vino Veritas Edition)

June 12, 2012 in 20 Things About Me

1. I know better men than myself. I hope that everyone can say that.

2. Recently, I’ve realized what it would take to push me over the edge—whatever that means.

3. Greyson Stone told me that all anger is derived from fear. I think about that all of the time now.

4. I started out tonight drinking cheap wine and then moved onto cheaper wine. (Hence the parenthetical phrase in the title.)

5. My father encouraged me to study Latin in college. I learned enough to know that the V’s in “In Vino Veritas” are pronounced like W’s. My pronunciation of that phrase is deadly accurate. Read the rest of this entry →

The First Wordsmoker Short-Film Competition Double Extension!

June 9, 2012 in Wordsmoker Short-Films

As a longtime amateur filmmaker, I think the First Wordsmoker Short-Film Competition may be the greatest idea ever envisioned on a website known for its great ideas. However, a two-week deadline—particularly for a competition that demands such a specific style of direction—has proven not to be quite as brilliantly conceived. So I have an announcement to make, but before I do, I want to reiterate that I am not a part of the judging of this contest. Therefore, I am still eligible for the prize money. Read the rest of this entry →

An Extension! News About the Wordsmoker Short-Film Competition

May 27, 2012 in Wordsmoker Short Fiction

So it went something like this:

Chillbear: “I’m going to be cutting it close to the wire; my actor is in Milan.

Virus: ” — ”

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Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele See “The Avengers” in 3D

May 20, 2012 in Romancesmoker, sex, Sexsmoker

“So, where are we going?” I whisper tentatively.

“I thought I might surprise you, Miss Steele.” Oh, so now we’re back to last names.  Who is this intriguing man of mystery?We ride silently for the next few minutes. His face impassive.  My subconscious is nudging me. Ana, what are we doing here? Open the car door and roll out. The car door! I don’t even know what kind of car we’re in. Do I even know how to open the door? Would I even open the door if I could?

“Stop doing that, Anastasia. I’m driving,” he sternly orders demandingly. Read the rest of this entry →