Wordsmoker

It’s that time of year again folks. You know, the one where we get inundated with orders to express our love for our significant other on one certain day, usually in the form of food/jewelry/chocolates, and if we don’t we are to be forever branded as commitment-phobes? Yes, Valentine’s Day, that’s the holiday! Yay, the time has come to once again squeeeeeeeeze our way into our Spanx and go out with all the other boobs attempting to show their unique love at The Melting Pot. Luckily for you, we here at Wordsmoker HQ sympathize, so to help dull the aggravation, I am happy to bring you The Third Annual Wordsmoker Valentine’s Day Love Contest. (Wow that sure is a mouthful.) From now until February 13th at midnight (and probably a little bit after) you can submit your Love, Sex, or Valentine’s Day themed poems, rants, stories, opinion pieces, et cetera for consideration. Here are the rules:

• Your submissions must relate to love, sex, romance or the VD holiday itself. Naturally, people can write about how they embrace or shun any or all of these concepts. While stories about cats are always welcome, they must still follow the theme to be considered.
• All pieces have to be original works and must not have been previously published on Wordsmoker.
• All pieces must be submitted by midnight on Valentine’s Day Eve. (But, seriously, I have to post these things, so if you can get them in earlier, I would appreciate it.)
• Author’s submitting articles should post under the category “Valentine’s Day Love Contest” for consideration in the competition. However, let’s face it, it will probably be considered even if you don’t.
• You can post your piece any time from now until the contest deadline.
• All pieces that aren’t submitted directly into WordPress should be e-mailed to militantrubberducky@gmail.com, since I’ve volunteered to do all of the posting.
• For the love of all that is sacred, people, please include an image or link to an image for me. Tags are also appreciated.
• Only one prize will be awarded to each piece. That is unless we get less than four submissions, which will be the total number of prizes. Although, that scenario sucks because it means that not many of you participated.
• Contestants can enter multiple submissions.
• Anything else that I can think of will be added in the comments section below.
• Don’t post your pieces or nominations in the comment section. I know it’s tempting, but don’t do it; it ruins the contest-y feeling.
• I will be judging you and your work because I’m super qualified to do it. I’ll probably get some help via the rest of the Wordsmoker staff with this, perhaps one of the less abused interns can chip in as well.

Here are the prizes:

The Love-tron – The leader of all awards. It is bigger and stronger than the other awards and has a cyborg heart. It’s given to the best overall piece.

The Venereal Lightning Bolt – If you win this award, don’t handle it without gloves. This award is given to the most sexually charged piece.

The Bucket of Warm Salt Water – This doesn’t go to just any run-of-the-mill tearjerker. The winner of this award will be the person who can literally wring a full bucket of tears from everyone’s eyes.

The Compromised Box of Chocolates – Like the discovery that you’re holding a box of cherry cordials that’s been partially eaten by rats, romance and holidays can often be quite disappointing. This award goes to the best story of bitter/unrequited/disappointing love.

Ready…go!