Movie Without Jessica Chastain Released
January 28, 2013 in Cinema
The entertainment world was rocked last night as it was confirmed that a motion picture had been released without the actress Jessica Chastain in it. The indie drama “Difficult To Watch” - about a couple of heroin addicts living in a car in Kentucky during the Winter of 1977 – was shot apparently without Jessica Chastain appearing at least as a secondary character, perhaps a sad prostitute in a dress, or an over-worked social worker with a drinking problem who drives a Honda.
Distributors for the movie attempted to calm fears by promising that even though Jessica Chastain was technically not a member of the production in any way, shape or form, it didn’t mean that the other actresses appearing in the low-budget flick were somehow breaking the Screen Actors Guild’s 2011 ruling that all future cinema releases should contain “at least 8%” Chastain.
“Jessica’s Rule” – as it became to be known – applies to every production for the next two years with an option for renewal under the Paltrow Clause.
The producer of the movie – speaking anonymously – said
“This is a brave move by a young, risk-taking director. I only ask the general public to view this Jess-less drama first before making any decision to prosecute. We initially tried to get Jessica Chastain to appear, but she was working as a femme fatale in a period gangster pic, an abused, pregnant Vicodin-addict in an indie drama, the girlfriend with a secret of a CIA operative in a sub-Tom Clancy action pic, and the voice of a feisty mouse in two separate animated features. And that was on the single day we had studio space booked. Last year Jessica had only 17 free hours when she wasn’t working, and she spent that time researching abattoir technology during the Dustbowl for an upcoming role.”
In other news, Chris Pratt played a Navy Seal in a movie meant to be taken seriously.