The Officer’s Monologue – The Road to Breville
“The Officer’s Monologue” is one male police officer’s continuous narrative about fashion, interior design, decor, dining, and all things esthetic. All remarks are approximate quotes of actual statements made to the author—usually over sandwiches and cookies. Any resemblance between the principal character to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
“I almost didn’t hear you come in,” he says without immediately turning. “I forgot to check my six. I have something that I’ve been waiting to show you. I’m actually pretty excited about it.”
He takes a few more stabs at the keyboard, holds a lingering stare at the monitor, and only then turns to offer me his meaty right hand. “How the hell are ya?” I mutter something about being pressed for time, but he remains undaunted. “This will only take a minute, but I really want to get your opinion on this.” He pauses to demonstrate the appropriate amount of weightiness: “I’m thinking of purchasing a toaster—for my kitchen.”
He pushes back in his chair so that I’m able to fully view the results of his Internet search.
“What do you know about Breville smart toasters?” I admit that I know very little.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking of upgrading my toaster for a while. I have one, but it’s nothing special. Anyway, I’ve really been looking to upgrade, and there’s a few companies that are doing some pretty interesting things with toasters. I’m probably going to pull the trigger on this one here.” He raises a finger to the screen. “It’s $129, but it really does just about everything.”
Because I am being asked for my opinion, I express my thought that $129 might be a little pricey for a device that has the sole function of warming bread. Apparently, I am being pedestrian.
“Yeah, I know that any toaster can heat bread up, but this doesn’t just pop toast out. The toast sits on a platform that’s raised and lowered with a couple of pulleys.” He demonstrates by putting his index fingertips together and rotating his thumbs from the down to up position. I’m not going to have to deal with toast popping up anymore. No more popping. It just lifts out. Also, no levers. Everything is done with buttons. And there’s all kinds of features and bells and— Look, why don’t you just watch the video?
And there’s a video that we watched.
“Most people only think about white bread and maybe whole wheat, but this baby has a setting for everything. [At least white, whole meal, multi-grain, rye, sourdough, banana bread, and fruit loaf according to the video announcer.]
I’m not really a fan of banana bread, but if I get this thing, you just never know.”
For additional information on the Breville Die-Cast 2-Slice Smart Toaster™, click here.