Wordsmoker

It’s the partially hidden problem women won’t talk about. A semi-secret shame that many millions of female ladies experience every day, sometimes every hour of that day, everyday without exception to a woman. It strikes when you least expect it and then sometimes when you do. Yes – I’m talking about Twitching Tits.

Originally diagnosed by Malaysian doctors in 1953, “twitching tit” soon spread to the rest of the world thanks to international air travel and the threat of Communism. Initially thought to be a side-effect of mayonnaise-based indigestion, it soon became clear to fully trained medical personnel that it had nothing to do with mayonnaise, nor indigestion of any kind – sometimes tits just twitch. Research from MIT and Harvard in 1985 narrowed the tit twitch to a woman’s subconscious urge to fly like a mighty eagle over great expanses of uncharted wilderness coupled with the sad fact that the majority of female ladies have no means of flight without renting light aircraft. Competing research from IBM also placed the reason down to something to do with wanting to make soap without the appropriate tools. Whatever the reason, tits are still twitching, and now Wordsmoker brings you a solution – the Anti-Tit-Twitching Bra.

BEFORE THE BRA IS ACTIVATED

 AFTER THE BRA IS ACTIVATED

As you can see, after the bra is activated the tits barely twitch at all, even when bombarded with the sort of waves that emit from Estonian radar equipment banned in the European Union since 1990. You’ll agree with the inescapable fact that those tits are still and perfectly placid.

To order your Anti-Tit-Twitching bra, simply email the usual address with approximately $100, your cup size and whether or not you live or work next to a cell-phone mast. THIS IS IMPORTANT. IF YOU LIVE WITHIN 100 YARDS OF A CELL-PHONE MAST WE NEED TO ADD MORE LEAD TO THE CUPS. THIS IS KNOWN AS “NIPPLE-MASKING” AND IS PERFECTLY NATURAL AND SAFE.

*Offer not valid in Belgium or people who have visited Belgium in the last twelve to fourteen months. Slight chafing may occur to your shoulders during first charging. Bra requires to be charged with the adaptor (included) for six days before first wearing. Bra contains lead and should not be licked or eaten by a child over 7 years old. Do not drive while charging the bra. Bra straps should not be used as a catapult under a full moon. Do not throw bra at windows or other smooth surfaces. Bra can only be cleaned once per year using the most stringent mixture of bleach and washing powder. Do not point your breasts at a dog under any circumstances. Not suitable for Jews. Bra may exude smoke during the Summer months – this is fully expected. Do not dispose of bra on an open fire as it contains highly flammable materials. If you experience any discomfort while wearing the bra immediately call our service centre and blame men. If you are ordering the bra as a gift, make sure you add one inch for the bra experiencing low atmospheric pressure during transport. Wordsmoker Product Concern International retains the right to sell your bra on should you go off it a bit. Wordsmoker Product Concern International will not sell your cup size unless it’s really impressive and attracts interest from Russian pornographers. Wordsmoker Product Concern International is not responsible for your children please stop calling.