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What Are You Eating?

September 27, 2012 in Worksmoker

How are people eating all this food? Everyone is eating stuff all day; breakfast, snacks, coffee, lunch, a snack here and snack there, dinner, drinks, dessert, ice cream. I just don’t get it, is this real or is this another lie being fed to us by the media? People run to restaurant openings in Manhattan and they run to burger joint openings in Clinton Hill  or Park Slope or whichever north east street corner in Brooklyn is hip at this moment and they run to get ice cream scoops dropped into boiling oil and then they eat it off a stick. There’s beer, and vodka, and gin, and rum, all drinks men drink all the time, and the women too, like really every day or every other day. And every season has new drinks and new concoctions you all have to try. And all this food and drink is being consumed by people who can be in relatively good shape. The news stories for them, in the stories the people in attendance look happy and healthy. There’s lobster and seafood to eat on Sunday’s at the bay, and also finger foods at the book discussion group, Turn on the Television, its all food, Kraft this, $1 meal that, and then the show comes on and one sexy gorgeous person is eating…..food, of course, with another sexy gorgeous person. It’s all everyone does, eat and drink and that’s it.

How am I to have any semblance of a healthy normal life if being healthy means I’m not normal. I am in the odd, I am the outsider turning down chocolate truffles in the common room at my office, I am the nut that doesn’t even eat the cake his office co-workers bought for him on his own goddamn birthday! I go to the gym several times a week, but when I come home my roommates look at me weird, like oh, again, I think he has a problem. Living a healthy lifestyle is the new gay.
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Is there some secret that I don’t know about? I associate health with wealth, very wealthy people are more generally fit and care more about their appearance. This may be complete bullshit but Its how my brain works, and so when I imagine someone drinking wine and eating pastries while traveling through Italy and I am imagining sexy gorgeous people doing this. But how? How are they doing this and still staying sexy gorgeous? What do all these people know that I dont?
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Have any of the great Greek philosophers or Renaissance era ones, contemporary ones, Nietzsche, the great Nietzsche (“tea and tits is dead”) has any one of them tackled these questions? Its burning at the very core of my whole being. I must find a resolution. I cant go on living this way. There must be someone who knows. Please.

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  • MarkSoFla

    I know their secret. They only eat while people are looking (or photographing, etc). When alone, they eat like a bird. And they exercise like mad.

  • MilitantRubberDucky

    Wealth does not equal health, it equals killing yourself in more succulent ways. Actually, no, you might be right. I am at my fattest when I have not managed my budget correctly, because who the fuck can afford Whole Foods when you have $100 to last you two weeks?

    I have to admit, I have been one of those people to cast disparaging glances at the gym people. Well, only one or two, really, ones I know beyond a shadow of a doubt who are working out because they have deep-seated emotional problems and severe body image issues. I think it jus kind of pisses me off when some folks say, “Oh look at her, how fit she is, she must have such WILL POWER,” and I just want to scream at them, “NO, THE BITCH SHAME-EATS AND THEN WORKS HERSELF TO THE BONE AS PUNISHMENT. SELF-LOATHING IS NOT WILL POWER!”

    Ahem. Not in any way saying that pertains to you, of course. Does it count that I don’t eat fast food anymore and crave sushi instead?

    • Uncivily Obedient

      Firstly, I do have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (self diagnosed, since I also am a hypochondriac, also self diagnosed) and the reason is the same reason I think of wealthy people as healthy. I read men’s health magazines constantly for a decade, (went cold turkey about two years ago) and it did give me body image issues, and I associate all the young, healthy, attractive people with the cost of the clothing they were wearing in clothing and lifestyle ads. The setting in a Prada ad I guess, is what I think of as wealth. (Not the types with a room full of naked people and a pair of underwear casually draped over a chair in the far background.) But of course I know there are plenty of unhealthy wealthy,

      Also, I wouldn’t call myself a “gym-person” because (a) I don’t look like most of the fit people making appearances at our local gyms, (oh no, I think that’s my BDD) and, (2) I’m not a nut about it, I can miss a night I intended to go and not be upset or anything over it.

      I have never eaten sushi! Something about it being raw and stuff.

      • MilitantRubberDucky

        To be fair, I am kind of a baby with the raw stuff, I have to have it mixed in with a bunch of veggies or something. I generally go for the rolls with cooked crab or something, though I am getting better.

        Everyone talks about how media is distorting our views and expectations of our bodies, generally regarding women, but men are affected too. All the photoshopping and airbrushing and just generally bullshit. Bring back real people.

        • Uncivily Obedient

          Yup, men have anorexia too.

  • Chillbear Latrigue

    I used to have a one to two sausage biscuit per day habit. When I was a teen, I would order a large pepperoni pizza from Dominos (because my gastronomic tastes were really refined), and eat the entire thing, washing it down with a two-liter bottle of Coke. I would empty an entire box of peanut M&Ms into my mouth and chew them until they were gone. Kids would buy me boxes for a dollar just to see me do it. When I graduated from high school, I was 5’11″ and weighed 170 lbs. My big secret was that I was training martial arts for two and a half hours per night and weight training for an hour in school. I wasn’t training so I could eat. I would eat to keep myself from evaporating. My grades were fairly mediocre, by the way.

    My diet is still shit, but nothing like it used to be. I gave up soda for the month of September as part of a fitness challenge, and it’s been brutal. I never realized how much I truly loved carbonated beverages; I’m much happier as a soda drinker. I have had to cut back on certain excesses or I start to gain weight. I only indulge in sausage biscuits once or twice a week now. When I have a pizza, I make sure that it is from a decent restaurant. I eat M&Ms sparingly and like a human being.

    I don’t think I have a point.

  • misslinda

    I figured out the trick years ago. I don’t always follow it, but I know what it is. Eat half. The sexy gorgeous people eat whatever they want (pain au chocolat in Paris, meat in Madrid, pasta in Rome….), but they eat less. American portions are completely out of control. Bigger is better! Supersize! Our plates are larger, and they’re full. And we don’t know how to be content with just one chocolate truffle. Americans, we’re doing it all wrong.

    • MilitantRubberDucky

      Amen, sister. I always try to put my food on salad plates instead of a regular dinner plate. Helps trick my brain until my stomach catches on that it’s full.

    • Uncivily Obedient

      Also, I doubt they would eat pizza made out of pizza cones.

      • misslinda

        I do not consider pizza cones food.