Wordsmoker Anthropology: What’s the Most Embarrassing App in Your Smart Phone?
Do most of you have smart phones now? Good, me too. One of the things that I’ve noticed is that, in addition to being very smooth and sleek, they also have applications that you can use to sort the shit in your life out. Some of these apps I frequently utilize and some I pay to download and then immediately delete. An example of an app that I use would be Flashlight, which as you may have guessed, instantaneously turns your phone into a flashlight for spelunking and clearing dark stairwells of zombies. It’s a useful app. Since I’ve downloaded this app, I’ve located three socks behind my dryer. Unfortunately, I had long since discarded their mates, but that’s not Flashlight’s fault.
But then there are the apps that have not exactly panned out. Sometimes they’re free; sometimes they cost up to $2.99. Usually I delete them, but one of them—despite the enormous potential for embarrassment—has managed to remain on my phone and I’m not sure why. Before I divulge the name of this app so that we can begin the public ridiculing, it might benefit you to know why I selected it. Like most men my age, I really have no idea how to dress. I know things like brown and beige compliment one another and denim goes with—I really have no idea how to dress. I’m told that homosexual men really know how to put together an outfit, but even if this isn’t just a flattering stereotype, all of the gays who I know live in places like New York, Mexico, and Paisley. So, naturally I went to the Apple App Store to find a little help in trying not to dress like a douche.
Cool Guy is an app that allows you to carry a virtual representation of your closet around in your pocket. You can take high definition photos of the clothes items in your closet and store them in the app. Now, you may ask yourself, why you would want photos of your clothes with you when you’re shopping? It’s a question the answer to which I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not a savvy enough clothes-shopper to know why I would want photos of three pairs of jeans, some wash and dry dress pants, and four dark v-neck T-shirts stored in a phone app. All that I know is that the app made it look like that if I had it, I could find the perfect blazer that would make my wardrobe look sophisticated. Well, just look at the screen shots, for fuck’s sake:
APP NAME: “COOL GUY”
RATING: FIVE OUT OF FIVE STARS FROM 150 REVIEWS
WHY I BOUGHT IT: TO HELP ME BECOME A “COOL GUY.” PLUS THERE WAS A PICTURE OF A TRENCHCOAT
WHY IT’S EMBARRASSING: THE APP IS CALLED “COOL GUY” AND IT’S LAME AS FUCK
Please list your embarrassing app purchases and downloads in the comments.