Come Friendly Bombs (A Review Of Battleship)

August 3, 2012 in Cinema

Come friendly bombs and fall on Earth
It isn’t making anything of worth
Crush it now, snuff out its birth
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs and blow to shit
Films inspired by Hasbro, green-lit
I’d like to punch that fucking git
who made 90 minutes taste like meth.

Fuck up a fuck-up they call Hollywood
What they shit out, it’s just so rude
Not even that? It’s not even good!
Raise it to the ground.

Liam Neeson? Rihanna too?
Fucking useless. Terrible. Boo!
I preferred it when you were run by Jew(s)
Hollywood, die, without a sound.

Peter Berg, you should be shot.
Chased by many, finally caught.
Hunted around  the Universal lot
Punched in the nads.

What to do, with product like this?
Supremely bad. Taking the piss.
Just go now, you won’t be missed
No-one will haz the sads.

(with apologies to the great John Betjeman)

  • Chillbear Latrigue

    One of the worst film critics that I know of (she loved the movie The Replacements with Keanu Reeves and ((gag)) Gene Hackman) told me that this was one of the best movies that she’s ever seen. Then she cracked open a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

  • skahammer

    Because I could not stop for the Rihanna-based Apocalypse, it kindly came to a multiplex near me.

  • misslinda

    I had no idea this was based upon Battleship, the game. The bottom of the barrel is just full of surprises, I look forward to seeing what Universal Pictures does with Connect Four. Also, dream casting for Hungry, Hungry Hippos: John Goodman, Kevin James, Danny DeVito, and Jessica Simpson.