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Katie Holmes Topless Scene Now Okay To Masturbate To – Official

July 6, 2012 in Celebrity

Millions of men and women across the globe celebrated today as they heard the news that it’s okay to jerk off to Katie Holmes’ incredible tits in that nude scene from The Gift. During her marriage with Tom Cruise many people were uncertain if they still found her tits to be incredible in that nude scene from The Gift. Internet commenters and compulsive masturbators everywhere found her relationship with Mr Cruise “strangely suffocating their arousal” while looking at her incredible tits, even nip-pics. Man those nipples are fucking awesome. Anyway – it’s all okay now. You’re free to reach orgasm by looking at her incredible tits and awesome nipples again.

Picture after the jump. NSFW.

Aren’t they awesome? What a body, really. And it’s now okay to look at it for a while, then go into the bathroom for a bit, then come out again feeling a bit happier about life, because you’ve just came while thinking about Katie Holmes’ tits and wow those panties are fucking hot too is that her pudenda? Holy shit. I’m glad it’s okay to objectify her again. And those nips were great in Batman. On that windswept day, standing in the ruins of Wayne Mansion? In that silk blouse. Jeez. Fucking Tom Cruise. She could’ve been in the sequel with more awesome boobery. Anyway. Have a long look at them, because even though it’s about 8 years ago and she’s had a kid, I see her pics now and she looks like she works out like fuck if you go by her leg muscles so let’s hope she makes a comeback and gets to keep her kid and we see more nude scenes of her in well-lit movies, and maybe in those same panties too, that would be great honestly i’ve got a script here Katie if you want to earn enough money to fund your own fucking studio then get your agent in touch we’ll do a 30/70 split in your favor cos I need the money as I’m doing a not-for-profit now because Wordsmoker certainly isn’t paying the bills, let me tell you that honey seriously – I’ve got £7 to live on until Monday – and your comeback could be huge, I mean – can you see how good you look below? When the world was a lot different, and we dreamed of a future where what we imagined became possible, that steel and concrete could arise from our thoughts and willpower? Drop me a line anyway Katie and we’ll work something out. Opening weekend of $50m, no problem. Love your tits and it’s great you’re back. VirusWithShoes xoxo

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

    Dear god what I would do for those tits. Fuck, what I would do to those tits.

    • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

      You could probably get a pretty nice Kickstarter to help you finish this thought.

      • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

        I don’t doubt it, not one bit.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

    There’s a whole discourse to be conducted, here, about when self-pleasure is ethical vs. unethical. Katie Holmes isn’t the only difficult case.

    I once thought the internet might be a good forum for working out these difficult questions. I suppose it could still happen now.

    • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misslinda/ misslinda

      I’m not understanding the dilemma here, I thought it was pretty simple, at least with respect to Mrs. Tom Cruise:

      Katie Holmes circa Dawson’s Creek = too soon
      Katie Holmes post-Dawson’s Creek = have at it

      • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

        You’re totally underestimating the bonerkiller rays which emanate from antennae atop every Scientology Celebrity Center.

        Certain Kabbalah groups use those rays too, in re: Madonna. Believe me, maintaining a boner in today’s popular culture is a complex undertaking.

        • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misslinda/ misslinda

          Men are weird. The only bonerkiller I see is that her left boob is significantly smaller than her right. Unless it’s the angle of the photo. [Stands in front of mirror, removes blouse, pivots to the side....] Yup, it’s probably just the angle.

          • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

            We’re delicate precision instruments which can only perform under ideal conditions of perfect pampering. Haven’t you heard?

            But no, a little asymmetry just qualifies as “distinctive,” not a bonerkiller. Not at all.

          • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

            Skahammer is right about Scientology. It’s not only unsexy, it’s anti-sexy. It negates any sexiness like some sort of magical Dungeons and Dragons item. This is one of the reasons Tom Selleck is so hot.

            But seriously, if I met these guys in a bar and they were all, “Hey Lenin, let’s go have some awesome sex” and I was all, “Okay, I guess I have nothing better to do,” but then I learned they were Scientologists, I literally wouldn’t be able to get it up for them.

          • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

            What’s a bonerkiller?

            I’m not certain that I would be able to perform under the circumstances that LdL described, but what I am sure of is that my boner would be in tact.

          • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

            Allow me to make you this promise. Since I have started dating again, and have allowed a few relative strangers access to that most precious of resources, a phone number that can reach me both via phone and via text message, I could easily kill your boner for up to a full month merely by reading to you one or two of the romantic messages I am now receiving daily from gentlemen who clearly have never read a Charlotte Bronte novel in their lives. In fact, I’m not at all sure mine will work again until at least August.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    Boy, there’s a pair of engrams if I ever I saw one.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Somehow I don’t find this permission to be nearly as liberating as some of my colleagues here do.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Here’s my problem. Tom “Thom” Cruise and I are actually pretty tight. I’d probably need his blessing before I just went and had a masturbate to his soon to be ex-wife’s tits. Haven’t you ever heard of that old expression: “Crackpot religion before carnal cravings”?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    Dear God, can we not have the “Katy Holmes single mom in the big city” reality show?

    • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

      Her NYC apartment is right around the corner from the one where I lived for many years, and where my ex- still lives. He makes daily visits to the Whole Foods she was photographed at last weekend.

      What I’m saying here is that if they do a reality show about Katie, there’s at least a faint possibility that he would turn up in it sooner or later. And then his deep conviction that he is the star at the center of the Universe would almost certainly go supernova and consume everything around it into the gaping maw of his ego. And that can’t be a good thing. So yeah, let’s keep her career focused on Dawson’s Creek reunion shows and softcore porn. Personally, I think that would really be best for all of us.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/monkeyrash/ monkeyrash

    Thank god. Those Joey and Pacey youtube videos just weren’t doing for me anymore.