Okay, Seriously, What’s Next For Book Fuck Club?

June 22, 2012 in Book Fuck Club

Alright, it’s time to get serious.  Moon People was fun, and we had an okay turnout, but it’s time to pick our next book.  Something that even elite literati like MilitantRubberDucky can stoop to reading.  There have been a few suggestions so far, so let’s look at what we have and vote.  You can also bring up something new if you like.  Just tell me two books you would consider reading for Book Fuck Club.  Here’s a list of what has been suggested so far and some other suggestions. 

Fucking James Franco

A collection of erotic fiction detailing sexual encounters with the greatest American actor, writer and visual artist of all time.

Printed by hipsters in Portland, Oregon.

Digital download costs $3.00.

Has order form for various sex toys modeled from James Franco’s body, including a remote-controlled spanking arm.

The Manny, by Holly Peterson

Something about male nannies who work on the Upper East Side.

Remember when Holly Peterson wrote this book?  Remember how she got paid a half a million dollars to write it?

Remember how it contains the sentence “Are you sure you want to do the manny?”

Digital download costs $6.99 on Amazon.com

Dollhouse, by Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian

Dollhouse is an addictively entertaining novel about an exciting, high-profile, complicated family with a huge heart and a lot of love. Written by superstars Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe Kardashian, Dollhouse is a delicious glimpse that goes behind the glitter of fame into the hearts of three sisters fiercely devoted to one another and the family they love. Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe combined their truly scandalous imaginations with the secrets they know about life in the fast lane to give you a book like nothing you’ve ever read before!

Digital download costs $11.99 on Amazon.com

America By Heart, by Sarah Palin

Framed by her strong belief in the importance of family, faith, and patriotism, the book ranges widely over American history, culture, and current affairs, and reflects on the key values-both national and spiritual-that have been such a profound part of Governor Palin’s life and continue to inform her vision of America’s future. Written in her own refreshingly candid voice, it includes selections from classic and contemporary readings that have moved her-from the nation’s founding documents to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.  It also contains several full-color photos of Sarah masturbating herself to the point of squirting orgasm.  Oh yeah! You betcha! Oh yeah! Yeah, Todd! Oh! Oh crap! Oh crap! OH CRAP! OOOH CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

Digital download costs $12.99 on Amazon.com

The Shadow God, by Aaron Rayburn

Another self-published abortion in the vein of Moon People.  This one has something to do with Satan.  Here’s a few choice excerpts from an Amazon reviewer:

“Spiers’s eyes popped extraneously from their sockets, as his face turned from a deep red to a sickly purple.”

“The lamp’s glow was very weak compared to the blue glow emancipating from the basement.”

“It infiltrated his lungs, filling them with a kind of innovativeness he had never felt before.”

Digital download costs $3.79 on Amazon.com.

The Bible, by God

Really long book about ladies having sex with animals, among other things.  SPOILER ALERT:  In the end, Jesus dies, but it was all just a misunderstanding.  He’s cool with it.  Seriously, don’t sweat it.  He’ll be fine.

 

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    The Manny is my first choice. It looks like the right flavor of an author thinking that she came up with a clever title and concept. The Shadow God is a close second.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misslinda/ misslinda

    Fucking James Franco. I’m already working on people who know people who can get James Franco to participate in Book Fuck Club ironically.

    • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

      Get. Out.

      And what is your second choice? (Mind you, we can read both. This is more a question of what we read now and what we read for the next meeting.)

      • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misslinda/ misslinda

        I live by the mantra of “you don’t ask, you don’t get.” So what’s the harm in asking if someone knows someone who can tell Franco that a bunch of funny fucks have chosen Fucking James Franco as their Book Fuck Club selection?

        My second choice is to not read any of these books but instead participate based only upon the book cover.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Am I the first person to notice that Kim, Kourtney and Khloe could be abbreviated to K.K.K. Kardashian?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/natasha/ natasha

    Fucking James Franco, definitely. If not, I’d pick The Shadow God, despite the risk it’s at all similar to Moon People. The excerpt you posted had punctuation, so at the very least, I won’t be trying to gouge my eyes out, which is why I had to stop reading Moon People.

    • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

      You can’t use “the book is bad” excuse for not reading a Book Fuck Club selection. Moon People was chosen because the writing was horrible, but it was still more interesting than Fifty Shades of Grey. This comment also applies to MilitantRubberDucky, who has used her disdain for garbage writing to opt out of reading both books when we all really know it’s because she’s our schilling Amway.

      I’m going to read the Moon People sequel just because it makes me laugh.

      • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

        I’m sorry, that probably came off as really grumpy. I’m just tired of people picking on Dale M. Courtney because he’s a borderline illiterate. I don’t recall ever hearing that literacy was a prerequisite for turning out great literature.

        • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

          Amway? AMWAY!?

          I can barely get through Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which is actually an awesome read so far, and you want me to turn my attentions to Moon People or the Kardashians or something? Harrumph. I shall do it, on occasion, because that’s apparently in my job description as Wordsmoker Office Trollop, but I’m not going to like it. There will be snark galore, Latrigue. You hear me? MORE SNARK THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A DICK STICK AT!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Okey, I can see that I’m probably going to lose this battle, so before I agree to read a book about someone who I find not in the least bit interesting, can I get a commitment from the Franco touters to A) read the book, and B) show up to the Fuck Club event (at least once we all agree on a date)?

    • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misslinda/ misslinda

      Yes!!! It’s also the cheapest book, which is helpful for those of us who don’t have fancy things like jobs. When is this Fuck Club event? I’m leaving for France in a couple of weeks so I may not have regular internet access for a while.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    I figured we would discuss it three or four weeks from Monday, so since Linda’s going to be prancing around France, why don’t we read The Shadow God this time and Fucking Franco the next time? Would everyone be content with that?

    • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misslinda/ misslinda

      Sounds like a plan. And it’s going to be more of a gallivant than a prance, though I do appreciate the rhyme.