Wordsmoker

1. I know better men than myself. I hope that everyone can say that.

2. Recently, I’ve realized what it would take to push me over the edge—whatever that means.

3. Greyson Stone told me that all anger is derived from fear. I think about that all of the time now.

4. I started out tonight drinking cheap wine and then moved onto cheaper wine. (Hence the parenthetical phrase in the title.)

5. My father encouraged me to study Latin in college. I learned enough to know that the V’s in “In Vino Veritas” are pronounced like W’s. My pronunciation of that phrase is deadly accurate.

6. In the past year, I’ve dedicated myself to making as much money as possible. This has made me miserable.

7. I am eligible for retirement in three years, but I have no plan for what I will do afterward.

8. I believe that one of the greatest cinematic achievements of all times is the demonstration of true nobility that’s depicted in this scene:

9. I don’t believe that I could be Rick in that scene.

10. I’m one or two failed relationships away from being a romantic corpse.

11. I recently joined a non-Internet book club. I’m actually worried about what will happen without being able to backspace.

12. I would kill or die for the members of Wordsmoker. I would also kill or die for the people in my Cheese of the Month Club. The bottom line is that life is cheap and I’m looking for excuses to prove it.

13. I discovered this community when I was visiting my beautiful artist friend in New York. At the time, I was commenting on The Washington Post. Ever comment on WaPo? You write something that you think is good and then you hit refresh. It’s usually eighty comments down. She told me about Gawker, and after a month or so, a few Wordsmokers found me.

14. “How am I making money?” you asked back at number six. I’m writing advertising content for law firms. It’s dryer than it sounds.

15. I recently was involved in a physical altercation with a slight eighteen-year-old boy. He had psychological issues and fought heroically. I couldn’t punch him for two reasons. The first is that I have a soft spot for mentally ill people. The second is that I was afraid of being video recorded despite the fact that I would have been justified. Both reasons make me believe that it’s time to retire.

16. For my restraint I suffered a pair of broken sunglasses and a bloody nose.

17. I am currently torn between two television actresses. One is the woman who totes around the dragons in Game of Thrones (pictured below), and the other is the redhead vampire on True Blood (also pictured below):

18. The first time that I ever smoked weed was on a dare. People in my college dormitory were doing bong hits while standing on their heads. I thought that it was a stupid notion, and voiced my opinion. I was challenged to try it and did. I suppose that I gave in to peer bravado. I only smoked once after that.

19. Someone tried to mug me once in Salamanca, Spain, but I was too drunk to understand what was happening and his instructions confused me. I ended up giving him a cheap plastic digital alarm clock because I thought that he was having trouble keeping track of time.

20. My teeth are currently this color: