Wordsmoker

Double crap. I thought I was going to be late. I was low on body wash. Fortunately, they sell my favorite brand at the local gas station.

Why are these people always murmuring, muttering, and mumbling? I’m hoping the film (which I envision will cast Daniel Day Lewis and Dame Judy Dench in the leads, will have subtitles.

Okey, as far as a steel wrapped in a piece of velvet goes, I wasn’t going to leave it to speculation. I went out and found a Crown Royal bag and put a roll of quarters in it. Not surprisingly, I haven’t left the house in a fortnight.

@NatashaBonestorm: I believe she was released so let’s pull the fuck out of that trigger.

@Linda: The safe word is “safeword.” Please don’t anyone try to access my bank accounts.

@NBS: She does have a terrific figure, that one.

By the way everyone, I’m doing this live (duh) from a very chic Euro-cafe in Davie. Christian Grey’s inner goddess would be spluging body wash everywhere if he were here.

Miss Bonestorm: Text me before you leave. Where the fuck is the Duck? She’s working, but it’s just a police job.

@MRD: I would quit if I were you.

@Linda: This is really adorable, but it’s not going to work.

I have so many highlights in my kindle. Does anyone care if I start quoting?

“Don’t worry,” he breathes, his eyes on mine. “You expand too.”

“I’m going to take you from behind, Anastasia,” he murmurs.

Why is he murmuring this. “What? What did you say? You’re going to do what?”

“His jaw was like a sleek yacht cutting through the surf. I wanted to run my fingers up and down its solid lines.”

@Linda: You not taking that line seriously is PROOF that you must have never had an orgasm because that’s exactly what it’s like.

@Lenin: On the jaw thing, I was born a shaver and I will die a shaver.

“Feel it baby” )Some shit about grazing her ear) “Feel it for me.”

Somewhat serious question: Did E.L. James every read any of the classics that she referenced or did she just Wikipedia them?

@Linda: You have to do math or you lose count of the strokes. There’s a lot of action going on during sex and someone has to be responsible for keeping track of things.

Wait, don’t go. Wait until Stefanie shows up at least. You didn’t do all of that excerpt reading for nothing. Out of curiosity, though, what is the weight of the steak?

Great. I’m the homophobe in the conversation by default. There always has to be one.

Yes, extra points if you can throw in a Sigma somewhere.

∑

Ta-da!

What is docking? That sounds so robot!

@Linda: You can’t really begin to understand how this book is without reading it. I still haven’t finished it and don’t know if I can. It’s bogged me down.

Josh and Wayne are lucky to love each other.

@Linda: It’s killing me. All of these women I know think I’m being hyper-critical because it’s a chick book, but I’m seriously losing respect for people who comment positively about this “artistic work.”

@Lenin: 90% of our calls are docking related. There’s a lot of Santorum as well.

I am actually thinking of buying like half a dozen Queer Bait mugs and replacing the Detective Bureaus coffee mugs with new ones. If they get pissed, I’m going to say, “What the fuck is wrong with that? I wanted you to have new mugs.”

Reference: “What about a shirt that said “No Xbox. No Playstation.””

I’ve been laughing like an idiot for five minutes about the Donna Summer/Robin Gibb shirts.

Side note: I thought the best line in this terrible book was when he said, “I’m fifty shades of fucked up.” So, I’m thinking, they found the pretties pig and used it to name the book. Then she bludgeoned us over and over with that line.

The first time you take a woman’s virginity you want it to be special—for you. Then after you get used to virgins you can start playing around because you won’t think it’s that special anymore.

I would kill everyone on this thread before I would take another tasing and I’ve met you all in person. Maybe not Ducky because she hasn’t really participated.

@Bonestorm: Grilled onions too?