Wordsmoker

Book Fuck Club is the drunker, sluttier younger sister of Book Fight Club.  It’s also something I just sort of pulled out of my ass a second ago and I probably won’t follow through on in coming months, so let’s just make it something any of us can take over at any time, like a pass-around party bottom at the Republican National Convention.

If Book Fight Club shops at Whole Foods, Book Fuck Club steals from Safeway.

If Book Fight Club graduated from NYU, Book Fuck Club dropped out of massage school and torched the place with a can of Aqua Net and a Zippo lighter.

Basically, if Rebecca Black, Balloon Boy, the Octomom or the stars of 2 Girls, 1 Cup were to write memoirs, this is where you’d come to discuss it.  But since none of those books have happened yet, we’ll cock our heads to one side in anticipation, and read Fifty Shades of Grey for now. 

I’m a bit out of the loop, and I just learned about Fifty Shades of Grey a few days ago from a fellow Wordsmoker.  Since I assume I’m probably the only one who hasn’t heard of it, I’ll spare you a lengthy description and just link to the Wikipedia article right here.  (Like I said, drunker, sluttier sister and all…)

Anyhoo, in short, this is an S&M sex novel that was developed from a Twilight fan fiction.  I wanted to to jump straight to the juicy bits, so I did a search for the word “cock” in my completely legit and legally acquired .pdf of the book and this is what I found:

“’They’re lovely. Raising the ordinary to extraordinary,’ I murmur, distracted both by him and the paintings. He cocks his head to one side and regards me intently. (Pg. 10)

“I apologize. It’s um… written here.” It’s the first time he’s said my name. My heartbeat has accelerated, and my cheeks are heating up again. Nervously, I tuck my loosened hair behind my ear.
He cocks his head to one side. (Pg. 14)

“Oh. I’ll bear that in mind,” I murmur, completely confounded. “Though I’m not sure I’d fit in here.” Oh no. I’m musing out loud again.
“Why do you say that?” He cocks his head to one side, intrigued, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. (Pg. 15)

“What is your thing, Anastasia?” he asks, his voice soft and his secret smile is back. I gaze at him unable to express myself. I’m on shifting tectonic plates. Try and be cool, Ana, my tortured subconscious begs on bended knee.
“Books,” I whisper, but inside, my subconscious is screaming: You! You are my thing! I slap it down instantly, mortified that my psyche is having ideas above its station.
“What kind of books?”

Wait for it…

He cocks his head to one side. Why is he so interested? (Pg. 23)

So, seeing as the word “cock” is used four times in a non-sexual context in the first 23 pages, it’s already coming across to me as a more sophisticated work of literature than I had expected, and I can’t wait to see where she takes these characters.  Best yet, there are already two sequels out, so there will be none of that camping outside Barnes and Noble for weeks on end that we all did for the Twilight books.  Wasn’t that annoying, guys?

Still, I wouldn’t trade the sense of community I felt and the good friends I made during those camp-outs for anything in the world.

Anyway, how about we use the comments section here to decide when we’ll discuss this shit, yes?

UPDATE: I made a Bingo card so you can play along while you read!*

*Bingo card can also be used as a drinking game.