Wordsmoker Anthropology: Things That Petrify Me
- Spiders – Any and all shapes, colors, and sizes. I am not so much afraid of seeing them as I am of when they disappear.
- Despite the fact they’ll keep me looking behind doors for a week, I insist on watching scary movies (just not alone; nothing makes me go, “Oh, fuck no,” faster than a horror movie at night by myself). Same goes for creepy video games.
- Chainsaws – There’s a reason they have the “Chain Gang” at Halloween Horror Nights every year. Fuckers.
- Despite the fact that even though there is no one home, I am absolutely certain that the moment I stick my hand inside, the garbage disposal will turn on.
- Even though I vacuum under the bed all the time, I refuse to hang my foot off the side of the bed at night because I just KNOW something will grab me and drag me kicking and screaming below.
- Dying Young – What, you expect me to say something witty about that? Fuck you.
Now that I have given you an embarrassingly vast arsenal of items to use against me, I only think it fair for you to do the same, Smokers. From a paralyzing fear to something that makes you do that nervous giggle of yours, share it in the comments below.
*Items listed above may or may not actually cause Ducky to have a heart attack. Attempting to scare her with any of said items might result in loss of life and/or limb on behalf of the prankster; extreme caution is advised.