What To Do When You’re Attacked By A Man Holding A Chainsaw In A Bar

February 12, 2012 in I SHIT YOU NOT

1. Flee to a safe distance. Maybe just out of reach of the length of the chainsaw.

2. Remonstrate with the chainsaw wielding man. Include swearing.

3. Throw chairs at the man.

4. Throw more chairs at the man.

5. Throw even more chairs at the man.

6. When the chainsaw-wielding man leaves the bar – because of all the chairs being thrown – follow him outside with a chair.

7. Throw a chair at the man. Repeat if necessary.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/uncivily-obedient-2-2/ uncivilly obedient

    Every New Yorker took Bloomberg’s no-smoking ban sitting down, this guy on the other hand is a true patriot; he fought for his liberty and freedom.

    Seriously though, that looks horrifying.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sarahheartburn/ SarahHeartburn

    Whatever happened, it was the fault of a woman who was wearing a miniskirt and who had once in her life who had had sex with a man who 1)she hadn’t known for all her like or 2) wasn’t her brother.

    Fucking sluts ruin everything.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @ SarahHeartburn: Is she single?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    There’s a rule of thumb for unarmed combat with nearly every weapon. They all go something like this:

    “Flee a knife; charge a gun.”
    “Flee a lance; charge a halberd.”

    I just can’t remember the one for chainsaw, but I think they are clunky, stupid weapons. Loud too. Boxing great Butch Coolidge was right to bypass it.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

    Being chased by a chainsaw-wielding maniac is one of my bigger fears. Now I know to grab an empty keg (always have one of those lying around) and go to town on the mofo. Sweet.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/uncivily-obedient-2-2/ uncivilly obedient

    Chillbear Latrigue wrote:

    “Flee a knife; charge a gun.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/blix/ Blix

    I my defense the drink I received was really, really, weak.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

    Blix wrote:

    I my defense the drink I received was really, really, weak.

    Smokie.