Book-lovers who enjoy reading about the sort of semi-erect patriotism and random, global cruelty that would make North Korea blush are eagerly awaiting the memoirs of the former Vice President and faulty cyborg Dick Cheney. Entitled “In My Time: How I Fucked America And Killed Hundreds Of Thousands Under The Guise Of Democracy”, the book puts to rest any doubts people had about Mr Cheney possibly being the embodiment of pure, unadulterated evil. An evil not seen on Earth since the birth of Pauly Shore.
Oh, come on, Burt Reynolds – it’s time you gave it a rest. Do I have to be the first to say that you’re getting a bit old for “chase movies”? I mean – this clip looks moderately exciting as you Tokyo Drift your wheels around someone’s garden as you try to escape the horny maw of the law, but you’ve got to call it a day some time, and this looks like it. You’re just embarrassing yourself, man. And I don’t want to be there in the cinema when Sally Field trundles in on her walker, all whored-up with her pancake tits pushed up in a satin blouse or something while the corpse of Dom Deluise takes another of your mock punches to his worm-eaten face. Give it up, Burt. Please.
I guess people do a lot to get on television these days. They get drunk on camera, fight their friends, fight their friends at a dinner table, fight their friends about drunk fights on camera, sleep with 51 year old men when they’re 16 – all human nature is there for you to see on reality tv, as long as it’s the lower-end of humanity masticated and encouraged by producers who know that hurt sells and blood leads. I’ve heard of Dr Phil, though I’ve never seen his show, but I’m not really surprised that a mother in Alaska sent in a video (recorded by her daughter) of her “chastising” her adopted 7 year old son by pouring hot sauce down his throat. Oh yeah. And forcing him into a cold shower as punishment, too.
Hey do you know CNN’s Sara Sidner? I don’t watch CNN because it’s shit, and it’s filled with shit people talking shit and whenever I turn it on it’s showing me a hotel in Dubai built by slaves that I could stay in if I had the money or the sociopathic tendencies. I exaggerate. It also shows me the weather across the world sometimes. Either way, I don’t get any “news” and that old guy who founded CNN who likes getting some strap-on action should have tomatoes thrown at his gaping sphincter. Anyway, relying on CNN for “actual news” is like relying on a cat to waken you for an important medical appointment with an doctor with an unpronounceable name – practically impossible. Over here I’ve got the BBC or Sky or Al-Jazeera English for actual news, and this thing from some stupid website reinforces my opinion of CNN as being shit. Look at this headline:
OH WOW AN EARTHQUAKE EVERYBODY CHECK THEIR POTPLANTS FOR DISTURBANCES!!! EARTHQUAKES ARE AWESOME AND FUN AND IF YOU’RE HAVING FUN IN ONE RIGHT NOW WOW LET’S HEAR ABOUT IT. DID YOUR PUPPY GET AWAKENED? HOW DID YOUR CAT FARE? IS SHE CLINGING TO YOU LIKE A GAY BEST FRIEND IN A HURRICANE? WHAT NEXT FOR THE EARTH? IS THIS ALL RICK PERRY’S FAULT OR IS IT OBAMA AGAIN FAILING TO STEM THE MOVEMENTS OF TECTONIC PLATES? YOU DECIDE IN OUR INVISIBLE SHAKING POLL.
After a several year hiatus, I am going back to my humble community-turned-kinda-regular-college (nursing and teaching degrees are the only four year degrees offered) to finish my degree. With eighteen credits left, there was no excuse for me to not just go and get it done, so I enrolled and classes began Thursday. School doesn’t seem as fun as when I was in grade school — no recess, no story time, no nap time. God, what I wouldn’t give to have nap time now. Even though school is more stressful now than when I was there for eight hours a day five days a week, there is still one fact that remains unchanged: I effin’ love office supplies. Love, LOVE looooooove them. I see shelves of binders in the store and my hands get all tingly. I shove my face into reams of college-lined paper and huff away. And pens? Forget it, I could go all day. I just can’t help myself. Some of you have narcotics and alcohol; I have Trapper-Keepers® and HILIGHTERS. Here, have some Smokies, I’m going to rearrange my backpack — again. Read the rest of this entry →
Curly, a former Vick dog now living at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary
There’s a lot of high emotion running around on the internet regarding BET’s selection of Michael Vick as Sportsman of the Year. While I personally believe that he may deserve the honor based on his exceptional athletic ability and performance, it is impossible for me to separate his past actions (as someone who tortured and killed dogs for profit) from his present mastery on the football field. Regardless of how strongly you believe in redemption or forgiveness – both of which are valid and noble ideals – the damage cannot ever be undone. Read the rest of this entry →