The Smokies: Back to School Edition
August 23, 2011 in The Smokie Awards
After a several year hiatus, I am going back to my humble community-turned-kinda-regular-college (nursing and teaching degrees are the only four year degrees offered) to finish my degree. With eighteen credits left, there was no excuse for me to not just go and get it done, so I enrolled and classes began Thursday. School doesn’t seem as fun as when I was in grade school — no recess, no story time, no nap time. God, what I wouldn’t give to have nap time now. Even though school is more stressful now than when I was there for eight hours a day five days a week, there is still one fact that remains unchanged: I effin’ love office supplies. Love, LOVE looooooove them. I see shelves of binders in the store and my hands get all tingly. I shove my face into reams of college-lined paper and huff away. And pens? Forget it, I could go all day. I just can’t help myself. Some of you have narcotics and alcohol; I have Trapper-Keepers® and HILIGHTERS. Here, have some Smokies, I’m going to rearrange my backpack — again.
Hmmm. What Why said about sharks goes for how men look at all things if you exchange eat it for fuck it.
(Nominated by NotWavingButDrowning)
Weegee’s Bored / Bobby Franklin, 1957 – 2011
Next on his agenda was to ban jerking off, for it wasted a potential life. And as for blow jobs, cannibalism.
(Um, in that case, I have confessions to make. A lot of them.)
The Pish / The Hall of Lame
I personally wouldn’t mind waxing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.
(I knew it! It’s alright, this is a safe place.)
Latterday Lenin /Blame The Victim!
I just smear poo all over my possessions. It’s nature’s theft deterrent.
(Cheaper than LoJack!)
skahammer / Blame The Victim!
Also, I would like to see “Blame the Victim” become a regular feature on Wordsmoker. There are a lot of victims out there who are just asking to be taken down a peg or two.
(Blatant pandering to the admin almost always works. Nommed by notwavingbutdrowning)
To paraphrase a joke by someone I don’t know, Michele Bachmann complaining that a magazine cover makes her look stupid is like Dick Cheney complaining that a magazine cover makes him look mean.
(Or that the camera makes Paula Deen drown everything in butter)
DieterTheMasseur / The Hall of Lame
“Coat Hangers Galore”
Pussy’s younger, bitchier sister.
uncivilly obedient / Hall of Lame: Remembering the Victims
I don’t understand anything about this. Not the title, the picture, the caption, the tags! Nothing.
(I feel this way EVERY time I flip on FOX news.)
MuskegHarpy/Having “The Talk”
I wish someone had sat me down with a speech like this. Then bought me a vibrator. Because a girl needs to get off, just not with 19 year old boys.
DieterTheMasseur /The Hall of Lame
I once had a friend ask me in all sincerity if I thought it was OK to sleep with someone he’d met in his SCA group, so it’s kind of wedged into my mind as that!
(The answer is yes, obvs.)
We had some really great selections for Iron Lung, but ultimately I went with MuskegHarpy’s The Minus Tide as the winner. She illustrated perfectly how some people misconstrue friendship as an invitation for more.
I am terribly shakable.
I had very few friends. I lived in a fantasy world that swirled in my head. I escaped by taking hallucinogenics and dancing all night at secret raves in the hills. I hardened myself to any human contact; I learned to stare ahead, dead eyed. I managed to meet and marry a man who doesn’t make me feel this way. I tricked myself into thinking it’s over and I’d grown out of whatever I was at 20.
(Well done, Muskeg.)
Next up, is Chillbear Latrigue. Make him laugh and you’ll win Smokie/Pokie gold!