Micro-Fiction Roundup XLII: “Dear Dia— Journal”

July 31, 2011 in Micro-Fiction Roundup

Two weeks have gone by and it’s once again time for the new installment of Micro-fiction Roundup. Wait? What’s this? Have I gone completely mad? Did I magically transport back to 2010? Stop with your incessant questions, frenchy. Everything is fine. I’m doing the MFR for Militant Rubber Ducky this week for a couple of reasons. The first is that she is going to be in a state that has no internet. The second reason will be disclosed shortly, but I’m sure you can imagine what it might be. This past contest was judged by the insidious Perverseus. Here are the submissions:

  • Latterday LeninChad & Steve Move to Guatemala!!!
  • Chillbear LatrigueCalling Axl on his Bullshit
  • SkahammerPERSONAL PREFERENCE
  • Militant Rubber Ducky Captain’s Log: 15 September 1932
  • Militant Rubber Ducky – All The World’s Skies
  • SkahammerHARDCORE
  • levariuntitled piece
  • Skahammer – HOW ABOUT THURSDAY?
  • Chillbear LatriguePractical Jokes You Can Play in the Jungle

Here’s what Perverseus had to say:

First, I want to thank Skahammer for his/her/its excellent taste in micro-fiction, which gave me the chance to be judge, jury, and executioner…even if it is limited to 101-word stories. Don’t spoil my bender, I’m positively tipsy with power. As the (un)official villain of Wordsmoker, I felt obligated to select a micro-fiction entry that properly reflected strong Christian values, limited government, and at least one or two pairs of bare breasts. While none of the entries fit that criteria, I will admit that I enjoyed every entry.

It was a close call. I almost picked “Calling Axl on his Bullshit.” To not only reference Toss Across, but to actually supply a link to an illustration of the classic game of tic-tac-throw, is an almost epic pop culture reference. Had the man behind the check-in counter said they were not “savages” instead of “barbarians,” which is more in keeping with the jungle theme, it might have been victorious. Instead, this week’s winner is “Captain’s Log: 15 September 1932,” which I just learned was written by MilitantRubberDucky. (Yep, I may be a villain, but I actually copied and pasted the entries in a document without the names of the authors. Blame it on too many years in higher education.) While I tend to go for humor, I thought this piece really created an interesting scene. I found myself wanting to read more entries from the log, which is shocking because I tend to have the attention span of … hey, are those cookies?

Nice job, MRD.

So now do you see why MRD couldn’t post this week’s piece? You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Here’s her award-winning entry:

Captain’s Log: 15 September 1932

The days are scorching; the sun so bright I think it will swallow this whole godforsaken island. Air so heavy and sticky it seems my lungs will crush under the weight of it, sapping my strength faster than I can recover. The days are wretched, but the nights are frighteningly worse; the wreckage of my biplane provides little cover, the only thing keeping the hungry beasts at bay is my campfire, their eyes predatory in the blackness. If the rumbling sky is any sign, I will lose even that last defense – I fear I shall not survive the ever encroaching night.

Congrats to Militant Rubber Ducky (who may or may not have somehow cheated).

Now, in keeping with our tradition, this bi-week’s theme will draw from Militant Rubber Ducky’s winning submission. After discussing it with the incoming champion and hostess of MFR, I declare that Micro-Fiction XLII’s theme will be diary JOURNAL ENTRIES. All submissions should come in the form of something that one would write in his or her personal journal. Other than that, it’s wide open.

RULES

Your entry must be 101 words or less; if you choose to title your piece, the title will not count against your word count; there is no limit on the amount of entries you can submit.

  1. You will have two weeks to submit an entry; the deadline will be Tuesday nights at midnight. This will give the judge 48 hours to submit his or her selection to me by Thursday night at midnight (That’s the midnight that leads into Friday, not the midnight that leads Wednesday to Thursday. You’d think some [read: me] would know this. You’d be wrong though.). The deadlines were originally Wednesday and Friday, respectively, but I goofed and now it’s fixed to give the judges and me (mostly me) time to get up the new topic.
  2. If I don’t receive the judge’s selection by one of the established methods (e-mail, Wordsmoker messaging or Facebook private messaging) I will be forced to make the selection so as not to delay the next week’s competition.
  3. The winner of Micro-Fiction Roundup automatically assumes the responsibility of judging the next week’s competition. Obviously that person can still submit writing, but can’t pick themselves as the winner. Otherwise we could end up with some sort of ridiculous perpetual judge situation.
  4. In the interest of keeping tradition, I will try to select themes based upon the previous week’s submissions when possible.
  5. REMINDER: You are allowed and encouraged to submit multiple entries.

To put you all in the mood, here’s a little clip from Doctor Doogie Howser’s hit show:

Fiction on, you glorious tiny story bastards.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

    Stop with your incessant questions, frenchy.

    Inspector Clouseau was hell to wait on at any restaurant that declined to list any “Specials of the day.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    I don’t see why we gave Duckie the award when it’s clear she disappeared in that jungle some 79 years ago. Morans.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

    @ Latterday Lenin: It’s called commitment to the work, LL. Dilettantes like me know all about it, usually because we read about it in a book somewhere.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

    DEAR DIARY: WHAT THE HELL?

    June 6: I just don’t know if he’s the right guy. It’s such a big decision.

    June 12: What if I get pregnant? No form of protection is totally foolproof, right?

    June 18: What if it hurts, or it doesn’t feel good? What should I say then?

    June 24: What if he doesn’t respect me afterward? What if our relationship changes?

    June 27: What if I get a reputation? How could I show my face in public afterward?

    June 30: I just don’t know if I’m ready.

    July 5: JESUS CHRIST ON A SKATEBOARD, WHY DID I WAIT SO FUCKING LONG?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

    PLEDGE WEEK JOURNAL FROM PI KAPPA PHI: MIXERTIME WITH TRI-DELT!!!!!

    *****

    TO: PledgeClassPrez@PiKap.edu
    FROM: PledgeBro-Ted

    Dude, you were SO RIGHT about that Tri-Delt, Katie! She’s a FREEEEEK!!! First she blew me in the upstairs hallway. Then she let me in the BACKDOOR, yo. Finally PledgeBro-Josh arrived & we TOTALLY Eiffel-Towered her!!!!! (Sorry no pic.) CRAZY!!!!

    So me & Josh were, um, busy after 11pm. HIGH-FIVE!

    *****

    Ted’s Personal Journal

    Hate these mixers. Luckily Katharine came, so I could talk to her awhile. Then Xbox in Josh’s room till dawn.

    *****

    Katharine’s Diary

    Ted just doesn’t seem interested. Is it me?

    *****

    Josh’s Therapy Self-Reflection

    Being gay in a fraternity is much tougher than I expected.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/perverseus/ perverseus

    Captain’s Log, Stardate 2203.10.7:
    Three days into our maiden voyage. They say you don’t get to be a pioneer in the history books unless you are willing to take risks. I still do not completely understand the science behind the FTL (faster-than-light) engines that propel this spacecraft into deep space, but I am betting my life on their ability to safely challenge the laws of physics. When my crew and I return home, we will be hailed as true pioneers of interstellar travel – albeit, due to this morning’s unfortunate miscalculation of the space-time continuum, the only astronauts with testicles where our ears should be.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Cheese

    Dear Diary,

    I finally decided to go to that party that I’ve been telling you about. I didn’t really know anyone, so I found a corner where no one would notice my awkward dancing. I finally got hungry and I saw that Steve had a cheese tray. Well, you know I’m lactose intolerant, but cheese is sooooo good, so I said, “what the heck,” and ate a piece. Anyway, I spent the next three hours in the bathroom trying to make poopy. I’m still glad I went. Thanks for being my best friend. Thank God no one else reads this.

    G’night

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Please, for the record, I am not lactose intolerant and I digest cheese just fine.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/skahammer/ skahammer

    THE COUNT’S LIVEJOURNAL

    1460: Great day. Married Elisabeta, became Count.

    1462: A mixed bag. Defeated Turks; but Elisabeta drowned herself.

    1463: Okay, Elisabeta’s not actually dead — sent me a “Dear Vlad” letter. Says she’s with Igor now. Typical. I’ll wait.

    1475: Still waiting. Also, hired new gypsy spellcaster.

    1520: Hm. Guess I’ll wait for Elisabeta’s reincarnation.

    1645: Geez, is the sun getting hotter?

    1897: Found her!

    1898: Whoops, false alarm. Nice neck, though.

    2009: Found her for real, this time.

    2010: I’ve spent centuries composing those e-mails! Deliver them! Curse you, eHarmony!

    2011: Dammit, she’s w4w only. That’s just my luck. >:–[

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

    Alright, I know why I haven’t submitted to this contest – I was on vacation in an area with limited Internet access (read: was being experimented on by the government), but c’mon, folks, let’s get it together. I am extending this contest an extra week for people to submit things, so get on it! xoxo

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/perverseus/ perverseus

    Dear Kitty,
    You would think someone who frequents a bookstore would find literary references deftly combined with humor to be intoxicating. This evening’s return to the B&N, however, proved otherwise. My Charles Dickens reference was met with an eye roll from some MILF in too-tight sweatpants and IGNORED by a twenty-something blonde who clearly needs to work on her social skills. Then, my Robert Louis Stevenson line, the cornerstone of my entire routine, actually prompted one college student to call security. Looks like I’ll have to wait another month before I can try my “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” material. Bitches be crazy.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    The following submission is from Kora in Hell. It was sent to me via email. – CL

    Letter Never Sent

    But why do I tell you these things?
    You’re not even here.
    — John Ashbery

    I don’t know where to put the things you say. Like when you add a toss-away figure at the end of a sentence, such as: “like sex.” Then I have to stop and catch my breath. And one day I’m in the cereal aisle at Safeway and this will come back to me and I need to rest my head against the Cheerios and try not to faint. I’m asking for another chance to find the mot juste at the tip of your tongue. Maybe this time I’ll catch your meaning before you reach me and I lose my senses.