Smokin’ Comment: LeeMyles on Self-Medication
July 31, 2011 in Smokin' Comments
When you write about the death of an addict, your bound to get a pretty full range of reactions. Fuldis Closure’s piece on the piteous demise of singer Amy Winehouse gave birth to a pixilated cornucopia of comment fruit. (Swish on that metaphor, Chill). After the din started to fade, an infrequent commenter left us a very earnest and unflinching look at how depression turns to desperation. In case you missed LeeMyles’ comment the first time around, here it is again:
“@fuldis closure: I don’t see you as defending junkies. You’re empathetic to the plight of the depressed. I’m 27 and I can’t remember the last time I felt elated. I just go through periods of being ok and not being able to stop crying or get off of the couch. You know what helps? Pain killers, alcohol, pot and cocaine.
Pain killers and pot for the fuzzy feeling that softens the anguish and alcohol and cocaine to get me to a place where I can go out and socialize with other people. I’m not addicted to any of these things. I don’t wake up, smoke a joint, take an oxy, drink a beer and then sniff a line before I walk out the door, but I have done all of these things separately (except for the cocaine, which was always done with alcohol) to help ease it…everything.
If you’ve never been sobbing on the couch for days, for no reason other than that you feel you’d be better of dead because you can’t possibly get off this couch and leave the house and face all those shiny, happy people, there’s no way to understand why a person would turn to drugs. There’s no easy fix for it either. It takes years of therapy and lots of love. But the drugs, they help temporarily. Some people just can’t kick it in the end. I am thankful that so far I am not one of those people.
Is it selfish. Absolutely, but in certain circumstances I feel it’s almost a defense mechanism. I can’t wallow in the pain every minute of every day. I just can’t. If I feel like this too long I’ll probably try to kill myself. I’ve done it before.
I hope this doesn’t elicit an attack. I am depressed and I am a drug user because of it. And I can see how people could get sucked in and never fall out of it.”