Wordsmoker App Round-Up – July 2011
July 20, 2011 in Wordsmoker App Store
Just a bit over a year ago, ViruswIthshoes launched the extremely popular Wordsmoker App Store to report on innovative new cellular telephone applications for iPhones. Despite the overwhelming interest in the applications that were featured, nothing new has been introduced in the store . . . UNTIL NOW! Wordsmoker presents the best iPhone/Android (which surpassed the iPhone in global popularity due to the fact that everyone was sick of hearing about how wonderful their friends’ iPhones were) apps for the period of July, 2010 – to most of July, 2011—or approximately 385 days.
Tracking Goo™: This app works in conjunction with an aftermarket protective case that secretes individual dollops of goo. The signature goo contains a unique radioactive isotope that allows your iPhone to track back to it. It’s perfect for people who lose their keys, pets, cars, elderly people, et cetera. Tired of the airlines losing your bags? Goo them! Whatever you lose, mark it with goo(s)! Does that stubborn baby keep wandering off? Apply a little goo to the skin on the back of its head and you’ll never have to wonder what bus it got onto again! This new app will have you saying, “THANK YOU, TRACKING GOO!” App price $4.99. Starter kit $14.99. Goo-pack refills $4.99 per half-dozen.
iRuben™: Give your photo a make-over . . . Ruben style! Fans of the Flemish painter Peter Paul Ruben know that robust is the way to go! Have a friend who’s a little down on his luck? Cheer him up by slapping a prosperous template over his malnourished frame. Older, mature businessmen appreciate women with childbearing hips and a taste for confections and beer! Ladies think it’s sexy when a man knows his art! iRuben is for everyone under the sun! Available only on the iPhone. Free version templates only make images appear twenty pounds heavier. $1.99
Morph-Ur-Junk™: Few things can be as embarrassing as being asked for a naughty picture of your penis when you already know that what you have to show is not all that interesting! Sending a pic of a small penis to a girl can result in social embarrassment, loss of employment, disinheritance, homelessness, your children hating you, or worse. Using the iPhone’s disputably patented touch screen technology, you just tap the area that you want to morph (the penis), spread your fingers apart, and watch it grow! Your only problem is determining to how many people you want to mass-text your newfound pride and joy. $1.00—or 20¢ per unenhanced inch.
Urban Vampire™: From the creators of Urban Spoon comes a new slot machine styled iPhone app. Just shake your phone and the random generator tells you which vampire franchise T-shirt you should embarrass yourself with that day. Edward from Twilight, Bill from True Blood, Stefan from The Vampire Diaries, Charlotte from Sex and the City (the attractive one), Michelle Bachmann—they’re all there. This handy app makes the decision for you. Never be late to meeting “your girls” for appletinis or Starbucks again! Embrace your outer vampire! $.99
Reality ✓™: How often do you set goals that are way beyond your means and abilities? If you’re anything like the typical American, it happens all of the time. Here’s an app that will keep you grounded. The Reality ✓™ app is a storehouse for literally thousands of easy, achievable goals. When you enter a lofty ambition, Reality ✓™ matches it with one of its more practical targets. Here are some great examples!
You Input: I want to lose twenty-five pounds by the wedding!
Reality ✓™ Responds: I want to try not to gain twenty-five pounds at the wedding!
You Input: Someday, I want to be an astronaut!
Reality ✓™ Responds: I want to go to Cape Kennedy someday, but not very soon.
You Input: I want to star in movies!
Reality ✓™ Responds: I want to try to look presentable enough to not make children cry.
The free version, Reality ✓ Lite™, light only responds, “Try to stay off of drugs when you can.”