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Professional Quitter Quits Another Thing

June 22, 2011 in Crazy Wingnut News

Fans of people who pretend to go on buses across America to learn things they should have learned in high school were dismayed today as they heard that professional quitter (quittress?) Sarah Palin has yet again quit another thing, the latest in a long line of things that she’s quit in recent memory.  In addition, fans of hearing tortured semi-coherent statements squealed out of a moron’s head using the same frequencies as a pig being castrated were heartbroken to learn that Palin was going back to Alaska to have an “extended hiatus”, probably to work out what to quit next.

Palin’s “One Nation” bus tour – now to be entitled “Half A Nation, At Most”, was cut short due to lack of interest from the mainstream media, which wasn’t helped by her being somewhat coy about squealing anything new to reporters, or giving any interviews to anyone but weird-faced Scientologists from Fox News while they floated by Real America leaving a haze of toxic fumes while they were cocooned in the air-conditioned dead space of mobile idiocy.

It should be noted that Sarah Palin has been reticent about running for President in 2012, mainly because she isn’t running for President in 2012, but likes having lots of interchangeable talking-heads on cable news talking about her maybe running for President in 2012, because that keeps the Palin brand in the news for some reason, that reason being money, the end.

Let us hear nothing more about her, forever.

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/members/misslinda/ misslinda

    Todd Palin: I’m gonna tell you this one time, Sarah fuckin’ Palin, an’ I ain’t foolin’. What you don’t know – all them things that you don’t know – could get you elected if you come to know them. I ain’t jokin’.

    Sarah Palin: Yeah well try this one, and I’ll say it just once!

    Todd Palin: Go ahead!

    Sarah Palin: Tell you what, we coulda had a good campaign together! Fuckin’ real good campaign! Had us a White House of our own. But you didn’t want it, Todd! So what we got now is this bus! Everything’s built on that! That’s all we got, First Dude, fuckin’ all. So I hope you know that, even if you don’t never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been coherent in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on – and then you ask me about Paul Revere and tell me you’ll kill me for needing facts I don’t hardly never get. You have no idea how hard this stuff is to get! I’m not you… I can’t make it on a coupla high-altitude words once or twice a year! You are too much for me Todd, you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit.

    Todd Palin: [crying] Well, why don’t you? Why don’t you just let this bus tour be? It’s because of you Sarah, that we’re like this! We’re nothin’… We’re nowhere… Get us the fuck off this bus! I can’t stand being on tour no more, Sarah.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/uncivily-obedient-2-2/ uncivilly obedient

    George Soros and his foster care father Adolf Hitler are behind this.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/thepish/ The Pish

    That book Going Rogue has a whole new meaning. I’m sure Tractor, Trigg, Bristol, Chicken and Henry are very upset.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/berightback/ berightback

    Oh, The Pish, if only you’d been around for this glorious Wordsmoker moment (we were so young then!)

    http://wordsmoker.com/2009/08/11/sitka-cromwell-redi-whip-phalanges-and-trig-a-look-back/

  • http://wordsmoker.com/members/misslinda/ misslinda

    Oh gawd, I missed all the good stuff. Luftballon is my favorite so far.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/thepish/ The Pish

    That was an excellent read. Thank you

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    @ berightback:
    Jelly Roll, Potato Pop, Black & Decker, Jungle Prawn, and Scoots

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Double Down, Merlock, Apple Gamma, Hot Wing, and Bennifer.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Bagel Bite, Trucknutz, Think Tank, Herstory, and Avatar.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    I could have sworn there were more that didn’t have Trig in the final one.

    College, Cornjob, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, Hat, and Trig (I’m A…)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Okay, last one, I swear.

    Digimon, Zithromax, Frosting, Geocities, and Triggle It Just a Little Bit.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Fuck it. One more.

    Cartwheel, Apricot, Fudge Sponge, Wedding Cake, and Tommy Hilltrigger.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Miracle Grow, Softball, Chocolate Fountain, Pajamas, and Trig’s Choice.

    Alright, that’s lunch!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Chalupa, Mountain Dew, Barn, Half-Mast, and The Matrig: Revolutions.

    (Someone else take over so I can eat!)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Corncob, tie-dye, elephant and the app for Trig.

    Man, I just burned some time going back through and reading some of those early ones. Those names. Wow. The authors and the author’s contributions. Hysterical. Certainly takes me back to a simpler, more Foxymoronic time in my life.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Adam, I couldn’t begin to fill those shoes of yours.

    Trial, Episode, Dark energy and the infant formerly known as Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Fran, Eva, Nicole, Murph and the couplet previously known as Trig. (If anyone gets that, I will shit myself).

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Snooki, Baby wipe, mustard seed and let’s hear it for Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Airedale, Jawbreaker, Hummus and Tri-tip Trig

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Woot, 404 error, paper clip and 108 brightness Trigs.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Insulin, Shoehorn, Gravidas and Has anyone seen the baby Trig?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Jackson, End, Plussed, and The Prince of Trigs.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Camera Obscura, Labrador, Pen, and Blue Cross/Blue Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Plunger, Timex, Routine, and I know who Lonelygirl is, and it ain’t Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Swingset, Basket, Cookie Dough, Crayola, and Trig in Africa.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Borscht, Duracell, Cookie Crisp, Prada, and Trigs in Space.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Kirkland Signature, Enya, Bartles & Jaymes (twins), and The Suite Life of Trig & Cody.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/members/misslinda/ misslinda

    Sigh. I’m torn. On the one hand I’m not okay with mocking the spawn that had the unfortunate luck of popping out of this woman’s cunty body because why should they be punished just because their mother is a stupid evil bitch whore (except for the one who shakes her ass on the teevee for money though, she’s fair game). On the other hand, these names are just so much funsies that I don’t know if I can control myself much longer.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Oral, Onesy, Margaritaville, Cancun, and Trigoli.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    @ misslinda:
    Do it!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Turpentine, Mouthfeel, Pepper Jack, Swiffer, and Trigley.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Chiropracty, Orthorexy, Speck and Triger Joe’s

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    @Miss Linda: we’re mocking the parents, not the kids. Well, I can’t speak for Adam, but I assume his intentions are the same as mine.

    Zubaz, Triceps, Treetop and Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Trig?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Wingdings, Button, Eyeroll and Trig’s Company

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Bill Hicks, Genesis, Motorola and Strawberry Trig Forever

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Beamer, Scrubs, Prilosec, Yum-Yums, and Trigliceride.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Sippy Cup, Deutschland, Big Wheel, Chug, and Trigononomy.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/tristantzara/ tristantzara

    Snackwell, Flipper, Feet, Us, and Them…

    This is fun. What game are we playing?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/tristantzara/ tristantzara

    Trotsky, Benito, Barack, Saddam, and Butterface.

    Definitely sort of addictive.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Folger’s, Casio, Pizza, Napster, and Trigham Young.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/tristantzara/ tristantzara

    Fistula, Carpe Diem, Cheerio, Hopalong, and Corey Feldman

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Diet Coke, P.F. Chang’s, A-Team, Wormload, and Tiger Beat.

    (I’m tired of coming up ones that contain Trig.)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Noodle, Melty, Ethanol, Hamster, and Gums.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/tristantzara/ tristantzara

    Fifth Element, Fast and Furious, Larry, Larry, Trig Phat

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Toaster, Tooth Scoop, Flowerbomb, Trampoline, and Pit Stop.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Yogurt, Flossy, Marlboro, Teflon, and Mixtape.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fuldis-closure-2-2/ fuldis closure

    Bracket, Hamper, Skippit, Ellemenopee, and Trigs n a Blanket.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Earache, Fungus, Barbara and Triggies kisses.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Dutch Oven, Oral, Quick and My Trig a ling

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Grout, Ponce de Leon, Celsius and 20 things about Trig

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Agenda, Cotton mouth, Heel pull and Triglodytes

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Podcast, Summer, Woe and The Trig and the Pendulum

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/tristantzara/ tristantzara

    Quahog, Siddhartha, Dizzle to the Frizzle, Yo Yo Yo, and Triginosis

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Fuck, it’s my week to write the Smokies.

    Have at it, bastards.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fuldis-closure-2-2/ fuldis closure

    Smokie, Okee, Dokee, Artichokee, and Trigial Pursuit.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Dumb, Dumber, Dumberest and LOLTrig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Herbie, Yeller, Pippi Longstocking and That Darn Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Martha, Abigail, Dolly and Trigonosis.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Michel, Jacques, Roland and Trig’s Ressentiment.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fuldis-closure-2-2/ fuldis closure

    Moonwalk, Macarena, Souljaboy, Dougie, and the ElecTrig Slide.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/members/misslinda/ misslinda

    Venereal, Erlenmeyer, Swingline, Cabriolet, and Triggerfish.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/members/misslinda/ misslinda

    Bhutan, Papua New Guinea, Madagascar, Liechtenstein, and Trigistan.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/members/misslinda/ misslinda

    Psoriasis, Diphtheria, Rickets, Chlamydia, and Triginosis.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Arachidonic Acid, Butterfly, Shoop and Trigeminal Neuralgia

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    Puffy, PimpMe, IcedP, Kid X and TriggaTriggaT

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    North Dakota, Hysteria, Llama and Trig on a tankful.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    Sugar, Booger, Candle, Fetch and Toonces

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Balk, Pareene, Blakely, Sicha and Triggy Triggy Bang Bang

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Alfalfa, Bay of Bengal, Phlegm and STrignine

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Obamacare, Lanyard, Aglet and I can’t believe it’s not Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/members/misslinda/ misslinda

    Zumba, Roomba, Rumba, Bowflex and Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fuldis-closure-2-2/ fuldis closure

    Oreo, HoHo, Dorito, CrystalClearPepsi, and GasTrig Bypass.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Cinnamon, Prison Taco, Wheat, Pippy, and Sam’s Club.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Bluetooth, Candy Corn, Spaghetti, Frigidaire, and Metallica.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Dune Buggy, Squirts, Spray Tan, Celery, and Fanta.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Kevlar, Sun Chip, Wall-E, XBox, and Robocop.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Moped, Mazda, VH1 Classic, Piano, and Waffles.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Berber, Pergo, Stack, Beano, and Hemi.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Ocean Spray, Star Wars, Donut, Easter, and Snapple.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Applebee’s, Wiffle Ball, Goose, Hamburger, and Rambo.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @ Latterday Lenin: Delicious and fun!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    @ Chillbear Latrigue:
    Now you all know how I’m spending my Thursday night.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Slam Dunk, Tarmac, Burrito, Bennigan’s, and Escalade.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Stir-fry, Backpack, Trajesty, Churro, and Goonies.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    TRESemmé, Pollen, Snow Cone, Slurpee, and Reverse Racism.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Foxy Trig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Champion, Aspirin, Toilet Prank, Tang, and CoolPix.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/tristantzara/ tristantzara

    Lenin, you’re on a tear. I have a feeling you’re going to go to bed tonight with streams of names flowing through your brain. A mixed blessing, for sure.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    @ tristantzara:
    The worst part is, the funniest ones have come to me while I was out and about doing other things, but by the time I got home they were forgotten.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    LyingPants, Macy, J.C., Penny and this little Triggy.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    Phnom Penh, Phonics, Phoenix, Phlox and Phtrig.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/muskegharpy/ muskegharpy

    Aagh. I really wish I had a sense of humor about this stupid sack of skin that used to govern my fair state. I absolutely do not. I can’t even make fun of her stupid kid-naming convention. See, when she fails at being alive in the rest of America, she comes home to me. To Alaska. To a place that has so soundly rejected her and spit her out to the waiting arms of the rubes of the lower-48. Back, she crawls. To her awful house in the Fresno of Alaska. To the wilderness she exploits for her financial gain. To her inability to shoot a dang rifle.

    That Woman is the stupid cousin you’re stuck with in the basement at thanksgiving at grandmas. She is so vile, so willfully ignorant, so so…AARRRGGGHH. I am so completely embarassed that we helped create this tacky monster by electing her governor.