June 30, 2011 in Wordsmoker Anthropology
In an attempt for me to get some exercise and have an excuse to drink beer, I have signed up for a summer adult kickball league. That’s “adult” as in no spawn allowed—not like the “adult” where everyone runs around in ass-less chaps and nipple clamps (to my never-ending disappoint). Our first game is coming up, and we are missing a vital piece of information: a team name. We need one for when we’re booed off the field to engrave on our trophies, and so that the groupies know which team they’re supposed to be helping “get in the zone.” I have been reading the few names suggestions provided so far, and let me tell you it is grim, folks. I know that I’m probably not dealing with rocket scientists, but still, I’m pretty sure mythical typing monkeys could put out a better product. Read the rest of this entry →
June 29, 2011 in Now Where Are They At?
Francis Joseph Collin
Francis Joseph Collin is most famous for being the former president of the National Socialists White People’s Party of America and the architect behind the failed 1978 Skokie Nazi march, which, had it succeeded, would have seen Nazi demonstrators goose-stepping through a suburb of Chicago known for the many Holocaust survivors living there.
But the Party turned its back on Lil’ Frankie when his dad, Max Cohen, came out of the woodwork to say that Frank was a very bad boy, a very bad Jewish boy, in fact, and that Frank Joseph Collin was conceived in Dachau. Read the rest of this entry →
June 29, 2011 in Smokin' Comments
With the grace of God, and the timing of the unnamed naval officer who saves Ralph from a certain death at the hands of Jack and his minions at the end of William Golding’s prescient horror novel about a group of allegedly intelligent and civilized people on the Internet, Lord of the Flies, so came the poet Skahammer to deliver one of the most lovely comments ever on the feminine form.
I’m going to try to make up for my extremely late arrival with a truly substantive contribution.
The challenge posed by boobs is neither existential, ontological, nor moral. Clearly boobs exist, and they nicely fill out the 36C-sized category of Things Which Are Good In And Of Themselves. Read the rest of this entry →
June 28, 2011 in Wencerotica
June 28, 2011 in Naked Things
Have you got a hairy back? Are you an otter? If you answered yes, then no, and like frankly horrific images of really hairy men with the hair on their really hairy backs trimmed, shaved and shaped into vaguely interesting “things”, then this is the post for you, otter-face. Shut your goddamned yelping at the back of the room, you little bastards. Right – where was I? Hairy backs of hairy men. Here’s some pictures of that shit if you’re into modern horror.
June 27, 2011 in Advice From The Future
My recent post Advice From the Future turned out to be Wordsmoker’s most popular article in its history. It didn’t garner too many comments, but comments have never seemed to gauge the health of an essay here. I even won an award from the Smokies Academy after being nominated by Latterday Lenin, roses and all. So taken with my wit, humor, and good looks was L. Lenin that he requested to collaborate with me on a second edition of this feature. Just like I had sent century old questions to modern day columnists, he too would send old questions to modern adviser to see what they might have to offer. Read the rest of this entry →