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Get Your Seal Team Six Paraphernalia Now!

May 4, 2011 in America The Fucked, NSFW, Shopsmoker, Things Very Necessary, Those Gays!

While the White House has been reluctant to formally announce that Seal Team Six was responsible for successfully killing Osama Bin Laden, you know they totally did it.

What Charlie Sheen is to crack-fueled ragers with Los Angeles’ most luxurious party whores, Seal Team Six is to defending the men and women of this country.  If Sheen has tiger blood, these guys have crocodile sperm.

That’s why MissLinda and I are proud to announce the off-offshore founding of the Linsanto corporation, the officially trademarked Seal Team Six™ brand name, and our new line of Seal Team Six™-inspired products!

We are Americans, and being Americans, we deserve only the finest 99% cotton t-shirts made in countries with smaller gross domestic products and more business-friendly labor laws than ours.  And since Christmas is right around the corner, why not surprise your family with Seal Team Six™ t-shirts?

Seal Team Six™ t-shirts are made with REAL computers, utilizing the latest in Photoshop technology.

 

Is your daughter or gay son going away to college?  What better way to say “I approve of your life choices” than a Seal Team Six™ poster?  Seal Team Six™ posters fit on most dorm room walls and are made from 60% flame-retardant material, which is good, because wherever there’s a Seal Team Six™ poster, things are gonna be hot HOT HOT!

And if you really want to say “I approve of your lifestyle,” you can give the little fag his very own DVD of our can’t-miss adult epic, “Seal Team Six™ Grunts.”

It follows the story of the Seal Team Six™ guys, from the moment they enlist in the Navy to the victory party following Osama’s killing in the mysterious Arabian village of Abottombad.  See the boys training hard in the locker room, hazing each other in the barracks and congratulating each other for a mission accomplished in this 5-hour biopic starring Evan Strongbone, Rod Angle, Jack Seven and Dieter the Masseur.

Special features include outtakes, director commentary and a patriotic music video.

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Hmm… I’m looking at the Seal Team Six DVD cover and I’m second-guessing myself. Is that too much sphincter to be considered safe for work?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    LL: Just a nitpicky thing – it’s SEAL Team 6. And having known in a most intimate way many SEALs in my apparently-not-so-mispent 20′s, I can attest that nothing is out of bounds with these guys, and that includes sphincter play, so carry on, sir.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/little-trumpet/ Little Trumpet

    @ Latterday Lenin:
    I was generally tought that the rule of thumb is that if you have to ask “is that too much sphincter?” your image is NSFW.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    @ gerbilsinlove:
    Unfortunately, federal law prohibits The Linsanto Corporation from capitalizing all the letters in “SEAL.” Apparently George W. Bush restructured the U.S. Military as a corporation to save money on taxes and to give it powers the military didn’t have before.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @ gerbilsinlove: No, no, no. I’m having to relearn the rules of English these days and Seal Team Six is not going to start writing numerals under a hundred (or ten depending on which manual style you’re looking at). They may have killed OBL, but they are not reinventing the language. If all of their shirts say “6,” then they can order new ones from MissLinda’s and Lenin’s company.

    I’ll take a “Six Inches of Seal Team Six” in a medium. Does it only come in gray?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    I heard that Obama should get ALL of the credit for the operation. Is that true? If not, what percentage should he receive?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/little-trumpet/ Little Trumpet

    @ gerbilsinlove:
    Actually, I believe it’s SEAL Team SiXXX.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/azirel-fallen/ Azirel Fallen

    Can I get the OMG WTF ST6 on a black shirt with white lettering? k thx bi

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    Here were my yesterday t-shirt ideas:

    I had sex with Seal Team Six and all I got was this lousy yeast infection

    Abbottabad Is For Lovers

    Seal Team Six Never Shoots Blanks

    And for a limited time only, ladies get a free Seal Team Six Invaded My Pants thong with every Seal Team Six Captured My Heart tank top.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    SEAL to the Team to the mutherfuckin Six, byotches. Aw yeah.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Also, this post made me laugh.
    Hard.

    Like SEAL Team Six.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    One last note. The beautiful girl wearing the blue t-shirt that says, “my pussy brakes for Seal Team Six” makes me want to tattoo the words “Seal Team Six” on my penis.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ BJonston:
    Why thank you, BJ. I was worried the belt buckle made me look fat.

    Don’t forget about Linsanto Corp.’s warehouse sale. All Seal Team Three, Four and Five t-shirts are 80% off, limited sizes available.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/indianslipper/ IndianSlipper

    They were called Seal Team 12″ but they folded it in half!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @ misslinda: Smokie/Pokie nom, please. These are massively laughter-inducing besides being totally clever.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Mama Penguino:
    Your complimentary Seal Team Six Pussy Patrol: Member Since 2011 hoodie is on its way.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Mama Penguino:
    Or would you prefer one of our I Get Wet For Seal Team Six beach towels?

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    Also, all of the t-shirts in the photos are from Latterday Lenin’s twisted noodle chapeau, so props to him, I’ve been chuckling all day at “Osama is Hiding in My Vagina.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sarcastro/ Sarcastro

    Haven’t bin Ladin a while? FUCK SEAL TEAM SIX!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anonymous/ Because Sexus, Plexus and Nexus

    @ Sarcastro:
    Barack out with your SEAL out!

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    I am told that our Seal Team Six Filled Me Up travel mugs are currently on backorder.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    According to that DVD cover, I too have banged a member of Seal Team Six. Appointments to admire me are now being taken.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Did I ever tell you guys that I had the idea for SEAL Team 6 first? I did.

    Hey, Lenin, maybe we should call these jokers STEAL Team 6 for S-T-E-A-L-ing my idea. You guys probably wouldn’t have gotten that without the caps and hyphens.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Dude. Whatever. I’ve been fucking SEAL Team Six since before y’all were a twinkle in your respective daddies’ eyes.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Chillbear Latrigue:

    He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.

    - Thomas Jefferson

    Or, in modern parlance, suck it!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    I’m sorry. I can’t hear you over the sound of how SEAL Team Six I am.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/latterdaylenin/ Latterday Lenin

    Did you know that if you count Roman numerals, Seal Team Six backwards basically says “Eleven’s Meat Lease”?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    I only wish I could be born again so that I could save myself for Seal Team Six. I am gonna wait on a Messiah to come make that happen.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @ misslinda: Either way I’m a winner wrapped in Seal Team Six!

    Hey, why hasn’t Gerbils written an actual post detailing her sexual escapades with lesser Seal teams? Bullet points would do. Oh, yes, I did!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    @ Mama Penguino:
    Considering that I was working for the government with a Top Secret clearance at the time, that would be protected information. Let’s say that ass play, copious oral sex, and wall-banging sex was involved.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/azirel-fallen/ Azirel Fallen

    Come on the goverment issues redacted statements all the time! we don’t want real names and locations they can all have the same name or you can give them numbers!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Can we send Boehner some Seal Team Six paraphanalia?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur
  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ gerbilsinlove:
    I’ve never heard of classified cocks before. Were they dangerous?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    This has been up for a few days, but has anyone seen SEALs Team Six – Grunts yet? Is it any better than that Charlie Sheen one? It would have to be, right? I think I’m going to Netflix it and show it to the boys over at the fire station.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Not to second-guess SEAL Team 6, but I used to be in narcotics and SWAT, which puts me in the perfect position to second-guess the actions of any elite military unit. I’m can neither confirm nor deny that I’ve ever entered a terrorist compound, but one of the things that used to work for us was to dress in a Pizza Hut™ delivery uniform and take an empty pizza box to the front door. When the dope fiend would open the door hoping to get a free pizza we would charge in.

    I’m not saying that it’s ideal for every situation, but it worked more often than not.

    Maybe just file that one away, ST6.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Which of course necessitates a link to this:

    http://www.spike.com/video-clips/gytf2i/land-shark

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    @ Little Trumpet:
    Just so that it’s said, every so often for the past few days, I have found myself repeating, “the rule of thumb is that if you have to ask ‘is that too much sphincter?’ your image is NSFW,” and laughing uncontrollably.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur