The Terrible Facts About Senator John Kyl
April 12, 2011 in Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement
Do you know Senator John Kyl? He’s serving his third term as senator for Arizona’s Fourth District in the House of Representatives. Little is it known that John Kyl has left a trail of pain and destruction throughout his entire life. No major news source will even touch upon this, as the actualité is too shocking to print or publish.
Today, though – Wordsmoker is happy to fill the vacuum about the horrors that John Kyl has perpetrated against his wife Caryll, his two children, and his seven grandchildren. What I’m saying is – John Kyl is an active pederast, rapist, wife-beater and murderer with extreme views about African-Americans and Mexicans. He also used to have eight grandchildren.
The List Of John Kyl’s Transgressions
Wife-Beating: John Kyl first beat his wife to a pulp in 1998. He was disappointed in her breakfast pancakes, and – according to censored police reports – he grabbed her by the hair and repeatedly bashed her head off of an antique portmanteau – a portmanteau given to John Kyl’s own father by Herman Goering, who in the mid 40′s was a close family friend. Kyl’s wife – Caryll – needed 28 stitches on her face, which later Kyl poked fun at during meetings by saying “he had his wife in stitches over breakfast.”
Incest and Rape: John Kyl first raped both his children when they were ten years old. He didn’t use protection, as he wanted to ensure the “purity of the Kyl family” by “breeding with his own flesh and blood.” John Kyl still is a great fan of eugenics, and published a paper entitled “Family Breeding: The Purity Of Those Who Are Close” in 2004 to some acclaim in extremist circles.
Eugenics and Murder: John Kyl’s seven grandchildren are all his. He raped his daughter Kristine on over forty separate occasions, producing eight grandchildren in total. One of those grandchildren was born with a cleft palate, and John Kyl took it upon himself to rape the child while strangling to death it as the rest of his family were made to watch. Kyl later admitted that “the tightness of ‘Little Cunt-Face’s vagina would remain with him until he died”. Kyl later disposed of the child’s carcass at a Republican fund-raiser involving many of the alumni from the University Of Arizona.
Rape: John Kyl has raped several members of the House of Representatives, including a number of assistants and in some cases, their children.
Abortion: Although John Kyl is publicly anti-abortion, this hasn’t stopped him from paying a small team of medical professionals to abort over 5 fetuses (three of which were being carried by 28 weeks) after he decided to share his wife Caryll with a number of “pretty-well hung” Ku Klux Klan members over a period of two years.
Pornography: John Ky’s wife Caryll was a well-known “underground” pornographic movie star after he filmed her multiple rapes on a Super 8 camera. Video copies of the footage was once popular on The Pirate Bay file-sharing network. The videos were uploaded by a “jkyl”, and later IP traffic was traced to Kyl’s residence in Arizona.
Racism and Murder: At time of writing, John Kyl has “killed several wetbacks” along the Mexican border. Latest estimates put this number at 17. Kyl has often said at after-dinner speeches that “hunting the wetback with a high-powered rifle is better than golf, especially as there’s no fucking niggers or Jews carrying your clubs.” Kyl has commented frequently about his “dream of killing a nigger with my bare hands. Especially some 10 year old nigger girl. How I’d love to fuck her and strangle her.”
Recycling, Homophobia and Antisemitism: John Kyl refuses to recycle, and has called anyone who does “a fucking queer, and probably Jewish.”
Of course – no part of this post is intended to be a factual statement. Which, of course is the same reason John Kyl gave when he made his statement regarding the amount of abortions provided by Planned Parenthood.
But – there you go.