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Spring

March 29, 2011 in death

Whenever the calendar turns to spring, my thoughts turn to Steve. In June of 2008, my friend died in a five-car pileup on Highway 1. His car was struck head-on by a drunk driver. He died at the scene, and although his girlfriend, Cindy, made it out alive and can walk again, there are scars. Very deep scars.

We all saw Steve three weeks earlier. He was back in New York for business which meant beer, burgers and ping pong in the backyard. When I asked him how things were going, Steve just grinned the way he always did and said, “Life is good. Life is really good!” And it was. He was young and successful and handsome and loved. He had everything. And then nothing.

None of us could know that it would be the last time we would see Steve alive, or that Cindy would never quite be the same, and it made the funeral unbearable. So nearly three years later, here I am again, crying over the loss of a friend, remembering his grin and the sunny, easy way he had about him. Life is good. Life is really good. And then it is gone.

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    Yes. I know this one. A similar circumstance, except that my sunny friend stunned everyone by doing it to himself. It was Friday of Memorial Day weekend, and two decades later it still hurts. Yes, I do know this one. My thought are with you.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Weegee\’s Bored:
    Thanks Weeg. It hurts to lose anyone, but when it’s one of those genuinely good people, it really punches you in the gut. We used to joke that when Steve entered a room, it was like a scene from Snow White with the birds and bunnies and rainbows. We don’t joke about that anymore. I’m sorry about your friend. I guess everyone has a darkness to them, even the sunny ones.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    Also, I have a typo in the second paragraph (there’s an extra “asked”) because I can’t even write a few sentences without the help of an editor and a cocktail.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Losing friends to a sudden unexpected death is one of the hardest things I’ve every dealt with. I’m sorry about your loss, Miss Linda. I hope you still find a way to enjoy Spring.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @ misslinda: You had an editor. He just sucks. It’s fixed now, I’ll send you a cocktail.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Chillbear Latrigue:
    Thanks Chillbear. I have nothing against spring (which is only about three days long in NYC), I just hate the reminder if that makes any sense. Ping pong gets me too, so I try to steer clear of Susan Sarandon.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    Chillbear Latrigue wrote:

    I’ll send you a cocktail.

    Thanks, but hold onto your cocktail. I’m planning a Boca Prison Escape in a few weeks so maybe you can get me that drink in person.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    This was in the 80s, the darkest years of my life. Friends voted me the most likely to kill myself and my friend, let’s call him Rick, the least likely. So you know which of us sat down on his father’s grave and ate his grandfather’s shotgun. This is the association I have with the start of summer. Save me one of those drinks.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anonymous/ Because Sexus, Plexus and Nexus

    Nicely written, misslinda. I also lost a beloved friend unexpectedly and much too young. I don’t have a seasonal association with it, but unfortunately it’s deeply linked with the Billy Vera & The Beaters song “At This Moment (The Alex and Ellen Love Theme)” for me because Billy Vera happened to perform it on the Tonight Show on the day my friend died. I just sat there crying, looking for something do with myself in my grief, soaking up the sentimentality of the song. And now I’m stuck with it.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Weegee\’s Bored:
    Oof. That’s quite an exit. Well, cheers to our friends. We are better for having known them, even if it wasn’t long enough.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Because Sexus, Plexus and Nexus:
    Sorry to hear that. Songs are tough because they pop up unexpectedly. Strangely, so does ping pong.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

    Poignant and incredibly sad. All lot of us have experienced that sudden and inexplicable loss, that phone call in the middle of the night that shatters everything irreparably. Sometimes we know that if the timing had been different, if you’d missed a phone call or hadn’t let a certain friend talk your ear off, it could have been you that someone received a call about in the middle of the night.

    @ Weegee\’s Bored:
    For what it’s worth (probably not a whole damn lot), I’m sorry, Weeg.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anonymous/ Because Sexus, Plexus and Nexus

    @ misslinda:
    Luckily, nobody remembers “Family Ties” and Billy Vera anymore. Eventually, Susan Sarandon will change hobbies and the ping pong thing will die down, too.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Because Sexus, Plexus and Nexus:
    I’m on the LES which is the hipster ping pong epicenter of the world. Seriously, it’s everywhere. I do blame Sarandon though.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    A couple of the old gang turned up at my mother’s wake the year before last. Wakes are wonderful for tossing painful stuff into the hopper and making them into giggles. We had a few laughs talking about things we all did back then. We all moved on.

    Unless of course you happen to be a noir novelist, in which case you hang onto wake dialogue like this (verbatim):

    “You know that ***** found him, don’t you?”
    “No! What was ***** doing in the cemetery at six in the morning?”
    *Hand placed gently on arm*
    “You don’t want to go there.”

    Hey, whoever took the backslash out of my screen name, thanks!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    @ Weegee\’s Bored:

    It was out of there anyway. Now it’s back. Oh wait, in “preview” it’s not there. In the view as posted, it is. Another mystery.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/renesance/ Rene Sance

    @ Weegee\’s Bored:

    My best guess is that WordPress is using the backslash to “escape” the apostrophe, which is the real problem. I don’t think WordPress cottons to certain special characters in user names. I edited your profile to remove the slash, but it reappeared. How much would it offend your writerly sensibilities if I removed your apostrophe? :-)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    My aunt died of brain cancer in Atlanta yesterday. My uncle is dying of lung and brain cancer that is racing through his body at lightning speed as I type, and probably has a week left. We lost a friend two years ago on a beautiful Spring day two years ago as he biked from a ski resort to visit his son at college; he never reached his son, as he was mowed down by a young woman on her cell phone while driving. My beloved Casey, my oldest dog and the best friend I’ve ever had, died on a beautiful Spring day in May three years ago, and I still mourn her loss daily.My cousin died five years ago in April from a drug overdose she had been trying to perfect for years. My grandmother died from Alzheimer’s six Springs ago.

    As much as I love the season, I hate the death that comes with it. Some of it is good – the death of the cold, the death of stale air in my house, the death of seasonal depression. But the people – losing the people who shouldn’t be gone yet is a sad part of what should be a joyous renewal of life.

    The only thing to do is to celebrate the beauty of what is left behind. Throw open the windows and let the fresh air cleanse the house; sit in the sun and let the warmth overtake your body; yank out the old, dead flowers and plant the new. We brought a new rescue dog into our home this week; I think Abbey, who we lost the week of Christmas, would be pleased. I’m letting her gentle sweetness embrace me as I move on and try to teach her that not all humans are cruel, and that life really does have beauty and kindness to balance all the sadness.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ gerbilsinlove:
    So much death for one person, I’m very sorry to hear that Gerbs. I lost my grandfather to brain cancer about a dozen years ago. It happened very quickly, too. I guess that’s how it works. We hadn’t spoken in years. Classical music was his passion, and when I decided to pursue art school instead of try for Juilliard, he wrote me off as “my greatest disappointment.” He had catch phrases like that for people. I was “my greatest disappointment” and my sister’s husband was “that no good sonofabitch.” Strange guy. He called me totally out of the blue maybe three months before he died, just to say hello and ask how I was doing. I found out later that he had just been diagnosed and I guess that was his way of making amends for being a rather shitty grandfather.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    Heartbreaking stories, all of them. I’m sorry for your loss, Miss L, Weegee and Gerbils. A friend of mine was telling me yesterday that her 12-year-old daughter has a phobia about death and had to go to family therapy when her gerbil died. She also has to leave the sanctuary at Temple when we sing the Mi Sheberakh, a song honoring the sick. On another note, my kid drew a picture of my tombstone with a “RIP Mom” on it to show me how sad she’d be when I died and that she’d remember me. Uh, thanks, kid. I think. It’s good to think about and talk about death. It’s part of the deal, obviously.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    @ misslinda:
    My aunt was just diagnosed three months ago; my uncle’s started with his lungs (heavy smoker) and quickly spread fast. My best friend’s friend just lost her four month-old to brain cancer, as well. Makes me wonder what is going on inside my body that I don’t know about. Like, what insidiousness is replicating as I speak.

    Life is full of loss; one day it will be our turn. I just hope it’s no time soon.

    @Mama Penguino: We used to drive by cemetary on our way to Ian’s gymnastics classes when he was little and he would tell me that’s where he wanted to be buried. Now, he’s debating his beliefs; does he or does he not believe in God or a heaven. He says he’s agnostic to my atheism, but I know that concept of going somewhere lovely has a definite appeal. I just hope it isn’t the deciding factor for him.

    Also, Little Penguino is a such a character! She must make you cackle on a daily basis!

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Mama Penguino:
    Save that drawing! I love it when kids do things like that, such an innocent, whimsical way to address death.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @ gerbilsinlove: If Little Gerbils uses the after-life as his guide, he’s going to end up a Muslim or a Mormon, perhaps.

    Mr. Penguino has asked to be burned on a funeral pyre on the family farm. Depending on the season, I’m thinking a weenie roast and games for the kids and maybe marshmallows and ghost stories once it gets dark. Anyone know how long we’ll have to sit out there to make sure he’s headed for Valhalla?

    @ misslinda: Oh, absolutely, I’m saving it. Right now, it’s on the fridge at her request. I’ll admit it’s a little unsettling to face first thing in the morning when I go to get the milk. I also have a rather untasteful nude she drew of me last year that features enormous pendulous breasts bigger than my head.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    Mama Penguino wrote:

    I also have a rather untasteful nude she drew of me last year that features enormous pendulous breasts bigger than my head.

    Wow, Little P must be very advanced for her age, I didn’t start drawing from nude models until I was fourteen.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    Regrets to all experiencing the pain of losing their loved ones. I have a first anniversary coming up and I am am still to stunned to express it in words.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    @ Mama Penguino:
    At least Little Penguino drew yours. When BoyGerbil was four, he found me in the bathroom drying off after a shower and shouted, with much glee, “Mommy, where’d you get those breasts? They look nice on you!”

    I’ve had ‘em for a long while – I assume that’s where they belong, though I am afraid that one day they’ll end up around my waist.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    *sigh* Yeah…death. Every now and again, a memory sneaks up on me and kicks me right in the stomach. A couple of years ago, I stumbled across a picture of a guy I’d snuggled with once on a warm summer night, who’d moved to SF not long after. I found him a doctor who’d see him, even though he had no health insurance, and then we lost touch until the doc called three years later to tell me Howie had died. Still makes me cry.

    Anytime you wanna grab cocktails and get maudlin, Miss Linda, count me in!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Sad.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/kausaustralisandsaturn/ Worthless Emo

    @ DieterTheMasseur:
    My snuggled buddies are alive and kicking. I actually met one during a funeral, which makes the thought of death and love kind of ironic. Maybe also terrible that I found romance in the wake of death, but the guy who died was terribly ignorant and I didn’t mind.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    @ WorthlessEmo:
    I dearly hope that my funeral — should that ever happen — will be like one big speed-dating session. Because, y’know, celebration of life and all that. Also, horny friends.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    I just came back to this thread to read through the comments for the Smokies. First and foremost, I’m sorry for the losses that you all suffered. I probably won’t be taking a lot of Smokies from here because I don’t want to make light of your stories. It’s staggering to think about the collective loss that this group has endured. I know it’s a part of life, but fuck. I wish your future losses to be light.

  • http://wordsmoker.com misslinda

    @ Chillbear Latrigue:
    You’re such a good egg Chillbear. I’d make heart emoticons at you if I thought it wouldn’t piss you off.