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Wordsmoker Commenter Executions: A Gimmick Too Far

March 8, 2011 in Commenter Executions

I’m all for satirical commentary dealt out under a persona that is in itself a meta-analysis of the absurd lows consistently and depressingly seen throughout other popular websites in terms of social interaction. I don’t mind gimmicks. But when the gimmick doesn’t add to the commentary or to the article, detracting from the overall mood because it’s distracting, I have to take up arms against the culprit.

Shuffle forth, youtube commentator.

Shuffle forth.

From “The Owl, The Fire and the Wardrobe”

If the page is a wardrobe, and the gimmick is a bad-tempered owl inside the wardrobe, then you – the commenter – are a small fire in that wardrobe. And fire promotes unruly behavior – even in the most relaxed of birds.

Even in wide-open spaces.

Even in the most beautiful of places.

youtube commentator – hold your freshly decapitated head up high.

Be peaceful in the knowledge that the main reason you were executed so swiftly was accuracy.

May Alanis Morisette have mercy on your soul.

VirusWithShoes.

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/blix/ Blix

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    Can’t we burn him/her inside a wicker man? Spring, after all, is coming, and we could use a good fertility rite…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Man.

    Of course I’m away when this shit goes down. Still, I love me a good execution, even if I wasn’t privy to the malfeasance that resulted in the ultimate penalty.

    Oh, well. Pass the popcorn.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    Fare thee well
    Knight of non sequiturs
    Duke of Douchebaggery
    Ass of Asshattery.
    Go into that night good Knight full of this knowledge:
    You could have been somebody.

    Take pride in having carved
    “Marjorie sucks balls”
    on shit encrusted bathroom walls.
    Regale in the memories of seas of Budwiser and broads
    so drunk they thought you were their
    Once and Future King.
    Take comfort knowing you spent many happy hours
    watching Larry The Cable Guy
    from your piss stained Lay-z-boy.

    No your NASCAR shirt is not a suit of armor.
    That baseball bat beneath the passenger seat is not Excalibur.
    But as you drift away entombed on that barge
    This you may take with you.
    Once, so briefly, you walked amoungst Giants.
    Until we cut your head off and sent you packing
    head in hands.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dieterthemasseur/ DieterTheMasseur

    @ GeodeJane:
    An award for the little lady!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Goodbye, youtube commenter. Rest in the quiet peace of knowing that your death provided a pleasant distraction to the masses for a few minutes.

    You know they say these things happen in threes.

    @ DieterTheMasseur: Noted.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/blix/ Blix

    @ GeodeJane:
    That was the best troll eulogy I’ve seen all day. Bravo!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    @ Blix:
    I love that photo so much.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/weegees_bored/ Weegee\’s Bored

    GeodeJane wrote:

    Fare thee well
    Knight of non sequiturs
    Duke of Douchebaggery
    Ass of Asshattery.
    Go into that night good Knight full of this knowledge:
    You could have been somebody.

    Take pride in having carved
    “Marjorie sucks balls”
    on shit encrusted bathroom walls.
    Regale in the memories of seas of Budwiser and broads
    so drunk they thought you were their
    Once and Future King.J
    Take comfort knowing you spent many happy hours
    watching Larry The Cable Guy
    from your piss stained Lay-z-boy.

    No your NASCAR shirt is not a suit of armor.
    That baseball bat beneath the passenger seat is not Excalibur.
    But as you drift away entombed on that barge
    This you may take with you.
    Once, so briefly, you walked amoungst Giants.
    Until we cut your head off and sent you packing
    head in hands.

    And metaphors be with you.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    Glad you like it Gentlemen. For the best effect, please read it in Daffy Duck’s voice. We need an ode to a female troll. So far I have

    “Mall spawned Bratz Cinnabun honey”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nodebutante/ NoDebutante

    @ GeodeJane: I don’t think he deserved such a lament, but it’s beautifully written nonetheless.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/blix/ Blix

    May the Lord take pithy upon his soul.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    Thorry thir the twibe hath thpoken.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/kausaustralisandsaturn/ Worthless Emo

    “Ass of Asshattery.”

    Amen

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    @ GeodeJane:
    Don’t forget theTtruck Nutz. Never deny the power of the Truck Nutz.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    @ BJonston:
    I KNOW. I come back from vacation and find out the fun has been here all along! Raisinettes, anyone?