Wordsmoker

A friend of mine tells me last week about this alleged super moon that’s going to hit, and yeah, I’ll admit that I was pretty excited. But who wants to look at a super moon by himself? “No one” is the appropriate response. So, I broke out my little black book—which has actually been rendered obsolete in the age of cell phone contact lists—and I called a few lady friends. This really got me nowhere. Apparently, most of the girls who haven’t heard from me in five-plus years aren’t all that keen on blowing off their Saturday night plans to hang out with someone “who was quite frankly a little iffy to begin with.” So, I went to Plan B, which was to tether my cat Li’l Knarfles to a tree, while I stand nearby, lighting fireworks and drinking a six-pack. Everything was going great: the fireworks were a-sparkling, L’il K was managing not to strangle herself and I found a great urine bush. The ONLY problem is the super moon. It isn’t. I look up in the sky and yeah, there’s a moon, but it’s that same stupid circle of light I see any other month. No rising tides. No wolf-men. Nothing. Also, L’il Knafles now has worms. Read the rest of this entry →