Wordsmoker

Many, many years ago, there existed an exquisite snack that was pure perfection.  This delicious taste treat was packaged and sold in a simple way, sans the fancy fonts and foil of Pepperidge Farm or the utilitarian weltschmertz of ChocoLeibniz.  This sweet thing, this chewy delight was the Snackwell’s Fudge Brownie.

Before you start shaking your heads, sneering and snorting, listen to me, please.  Listen to me, please!  The Snackwell’s Fudge Brownie had it all.  Each separately packaged brownie was just 2 Weight Watcher points so if you ate the entire box of 8, you could only deplete your points by 16, or just one-half of your weekly bonus points.  Considering the fact that a Frappucino™ and piece of banana bread might set you back over 20 points, that’s saying quite a lot.

My co-worker, MaryAnn, and I used to discuss Snackwell’s Fudge Brownies daily.  We agreed that even a box of stale brownies was delicious.  They were so thick and chewy and the chocolate had none of that diet food taste so commonly found in low-calorie treats.

Suddenly, Snackwell’s Fudge Brownies were gone from my grocer’s shelves.  I asked about them, but no one had any information.  I traveled from store to store, in town and out, but they were gone.  One day, while commiserating with MaryAnn about our mutual loss, she told me she was going to call Snackwell’s and complain.  The only time I’d ever called a company was when I ate colored Pop Secret popcorn on my break at Borders Book Shop and then couldn’t wash off the tumeric used to make the yellow and that ended with my hearty endorsement of Pop Secret to the customer service rep, followed by her insistence that she send me coupons for free boxes of microwave popcorn.  It was a love match.

In any event, I went back to my office and found the e-mail address for Snackwell’s.  I shot off a friendly missive about how much I’d loved their brownies and how I hoped they’d reconsider not making them any longer.  In response, I received a very unsatisfactory reply that said, in essence, nothing.  I forwarded this to MaryAnn, and 20 minutes later, she came laughing into my office to inform me that she’d replied to me but mistakenly sent it to Snackwell’s.  Apparently, MaryAnn wrote something like, “Oh, bullshit.  They don’t give a shit what we want or what you say to them.”  This was titillating to us but I’m sure just another day at the Snackwell’s customer service desk.

I really miss those brownies.  They were so delicious, so tasty, so low in calories and yet so, so fulfilling.  I’ve found nothing to replace them.  Or, rather, I should say I’ve found nothing low in calorie to replace them.  Have you lost a product that breaks your heart?  Please.  Tell me all about it.