It’s Your Tripoli!
February 22, 2011 in Travel
Are you looking for a Mediterranean country that’s off the beaten path to bring your family out for a holiday? Well Tripoli may be just what the doctor ordered!
With over forty miles of coastline and millions of acres of pristine beach sand, there’s an infinite amount of private nooks to enjoy a feast of freshly speared lobster after a day of snorkeling. Thanks to the Sahara, Tripoli possesses one of the deepest beaches in the world. And speaking of the beaches, the city boasts some of the least restrictive burkha laws in the Muslim world. Prepare to receive many wolf calls, girls! Me-ow!
Hotels and Resorts!
Due to an aggressive restoration project initiated by our democratically elected leader, Moammar Gadhafi, many of the less appealing locations have been either partially or fully obliterated. Not to worry. Thanks to a recent decline in tourism—largely due to some of our less reputable Mediterranean neighbors (Greece) destroying the economy and not at all because of our own internal politics or violent history—most of the remaining hotels still operate below capacity. We defy you to find more reasonable “Off-The-Wall-Roofless-Room-Specials” in any other Mediterranean venue. Why not take the savings and voluntarily stay an extra day or two?
We’re not just piles of rubble anymore. Many people flock to the city center to see what used to be the beginnings of an African Reno, or possibly even a Newport News. But Tripoli is so much more than that. Thanks to the Colonel’s new environmental agenda, you can watch decadent internal combustion vehicles being destroyed by nostalgic Cold War relics such as the Tupolev Bomber. Did someone say “warfare”? Uncle Moam has recently initiated a program of dropping soon-to-expire war ordinance on his own ground forces. Our soldiers get the catlike reflexes—you get one heck of a light show!
If you’re craving a little couscous and lamb, well you’ve come to the right town. We’ve got it! But if you’re feeling a bit more adventurous, why not stop in at one of the three new TGI Fridays™ that have recently opened in around greater Tripoli? The Special Spicy Freedom Fries™ are always a favorite. In the mood for wings and a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer? We now have a Hooters™ at the Oasis Esplanade™. Look out, Owls! Or do you prefer something cold to sip on while you take your best girl for that romantic camel ride? Why not get a smoothie from one of four Jamba Juices™. There’s no limit to the delights that your taste buds can experience at the North Coast Outdoor Mall’s food court in downtown Tripoli.
Contrary to the rumors spread by the Western new-rag al Jazeera, there is no curfew in Tripoli. Both residents and tourists are able to enjoy the city any time until 9 p.m. UTC. At that point, anyone who remains on the street will more than likely be executed after a speedy trial by a flying tribunal. This rarely happens, as nothing is open that late anyway. If you’re looking for something to do in the early evening, you can go check out Cirque du Soleil’s Infide at the Corinthia. (See online listings for blackout dates.) On your way in, say hello to the Corinthia’s celebrity greeter, Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi. But if contortionists in freaky face paint aren’t your thing, you can “boogie down” at one of our many belighted discotheques. Some of them feature live bands playing that funky Libyan sound.
One thing’s for sure, whatever your pleasure is, you’ll never be bored in Tripoli!
Line in the Sand
Innocent of 9-11 Ties
IT’S YOUR TRIPOLI!